Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

Viking can your boys cope with trick or treat?I envisage it as quite a busy,noisy thing outside of uk-lots people around,excited little ones making lots of noise etc...my D's dreading even people knock on doors let alone venturing out!!I'm just making Halloween food and we are staying in (and watching hocus pocus dvd )
Philomena dd2 was not loving D's either last night so I was with you on unhelpful siblings..

DS was told NOT to let scoutcat back in unsupervised whilst dd2 n I ventured to shops for milk and some mints(lil zoo has gut issues and sucks polo mints for pain at night).
Scoutcat is a neurotic 8year old cat we got from a shelter age nearly 2.he chews his fur when stressed(often) and despite worming,since we had out kittens last year after his brother died he has developed a habit of scavenging for food and cannot be trusted alone...
Got in from shops,dusk,cold and scoutcats on worksurface eating his way into last loaf of bread....D's is on Xbox with lil zoo in his room.
Lil zoo said as I left she went set up game,D's was mucking around with the front door,she assumed he was latch it.
He actually heard scoutcat trying the handle(he can jump up hang on it til it pulls down and let himself in)and let him in then couldn't be bothered to watch him/stay downstairs(his own words) and went to play

I practically orbited the sun...
It ment another trip shops.now dark.very cold.dd2 exploded with rage as we were freezing and tired(I don't drive remember) in my rage I said everyone has to go.ds hates dark but I needed a consequence...cue 45 mins of no one wants talk to him as we go out again(needed bread for school lunches for the girls)he's in full panic in dark and light of traffic,dd2 offering ush him under a passing bus...
Her rage with him didn't improve all evening and then to top it all lil zoo had a fever and limbs start to hurt(sigh)

Happy Halloween everyone!!
I need get up and make Halloween inspired lunches and later dinner
Can post photos if you'd like to see!!

Zoo it's not too loud where I am - I guess it depends on the neighbourhood and how many kids live in the area. Plus the fact that it is dark was helpful to DS1 who hated bright spaces.
First time bringing DS2 to his girlfriend's house which is 10 minute walk away, instead of trick-or-treating on our street. Hope it isn't too hectic as we are meeting at her house at 6:30pm. The introvert in me is feeling somewhat stressed already . Don't know if it's me or DH yet handing out the candy/walking with DS2. Raining all day and days getting short.
Would love to see photos! If I have time later I will post too (unless too dark)

We have pack lunch- a witches finger(rolled up slice of bread spread butter and marmite) with a dry cranberry for a nail.pumpkin and ghost cut from a bell pepper and a sugar cookie cat!
Dinner - bell pepper jack o lantern stuffed with minced lamb and vegetables(made a lentil and veg version for dd2(veggie)) with small cubes cheese in
Lil zoo was home today.had fever since yesterday morning and limbs hurt last night.sore throats appeared now and it's reached bright pink with red veiny stripes...she looked like a duck try eat a large clump dry bread trying to swallow her dinner!poor bean.shes eating raspberry sorbet now (dairy allergy) which is going down better
Good luck with tonight!!

We have sat curled up watching hocus pocus!it's cold here and dark so glad we aren't venturing out!!

Hello all. I hope things are going ok and happy halloween to you all.

DD1 managed a bit of a step this evening. I took DD2 and DS out trick or treating with some friends that DD1 has known all her life. She didn't come - she stayed home with her granny and gave out sweets to kids coming round. When all the kids came back to mine for pizza DD1 did not get involved. They all went outside except DD1 - I could tell that she really wanted to. She said to me 'I'll never be able to have fun again because of my anxiety' which made me feel sad, but then very gradually she inched her way out to join them and actually ended up playing with them. It made me feel so proud of her. I guess we all know that there are good days and bad days, so I'm not counting any chickens, but it's important to enjoy the good days to fortify ourselves for the bad ones!

Viking I hope you get to see the doctor and the school team soon. We are still waiting but fortunately DD1 is managing to get into school (boy it's a struggle sometimes and I feel like such a meany).

Seeviewbliss I would be interested to know how things are going for you - my DD1 is 12 and has a lot of school-related anxiety

Zoo I'm so glad lil zoo had a good birthday

Good night from a rainy London

Yesterday was busy and my hip aches! Took DD to CAMHS, she went home, I went to walk DS2 over to Adventure, picked him up at 5 so he'd have more trick or treat time, went trick or treating, DS2 was very hyper, overtiredness makes it worse, DD has lost her appetite from her cold so went home, DS2 and I went to McDonald's, back home at 8.55, the DC went straight to bed, I had washing and a small shop to do first. 🎃😋🍔🍟🍔🍟🍫🍬🍭😴

Philomenaa very busy day!!how's DD after cahms?just wondering if she's any different after(relieved and happy/more stressed)hoping we get our paperwork from them soonso we know what's going on...
Bigbus that's wonderful!I'm so pleased for you!D's often says he will never have fun again because of anxiety.heartbreaking to see them like that,so hearing your experience has given me a chink of hope to cling too

It's hard to tell zoo, because her main flash point is DS2 and he fell asleep instantly in our bed when we got in, I managed to get pyjamas and Dry Nites on him just in time, putting Dry Nites on him would have woken him up, this morning no flash point because DD remembered to come in and ask me if it was her turn for the tablet, instead of trying to push DS2 off the bureau. We'll see when she comes in after brass club.

DS2 was unsurprisingly hyper, he needs a good sleep.

ZOO how is lil zoo feeling? I do hope her fever broke and she is feeling much better. Sounds like you had a wonderfully cozy Halloween night - I loooved what you prepared!! I'm somewhat of an uninspired cook so I admire that. And after the incident with scoutcat and the bread, I hope it was an uneventful night at least!

Bigbus - wow that is a wonderful accomplishment for DD1!! For what it's worth, I struggled with a somewhat similar type of anxiety when I was younger. I feel confident that DD1 will grow stronger from it and learn a few tools to manage better. All in her own time 🙂. And Zoo, same goes for your DS2 This is such a difficult age.

Hope everyone has a peaceful and calm evening x

Zoo - sorry meant "DS too", not DS2

OFFS, DS2 had a 20 minute tantrum this morning because I was cleaning him up, and I hurt a rather sensitive area. Natural consequences just make him angry. Then he kept pushing DD, she had money in her hand to pay for a school trip, if she'd lost it, I wouldn't have been able to give her more. Natural consequence, we have to run to school and I start getting him ready 20 minutes earlier on Monday. Unfortunately, that's also a natural consequence for me, because I have to get up 20 minutes earlier. 😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴

Viking fevers up again today,after lower yesterday.throat worse,limbs aching a bit less.i have succumbed-bad throat, blocked painful ears,aching limbs urgh!

Zoo poor lil zoo and poor you too! Hope you feel better soon and are able to rest.

Philomena my DS1 was the same with natural consequences...simply made him escalate more. Hope things settle soon!

viking so what did you do instead?

zoo hope you and lilzoo feel better soon. (honey and lemon with a drop of whiskey or brandy in it)

Viking also curious to learn how you managed that. Ds cannot handle either natural or imposed consequences at the moment at all

Well DS did 30 mins most days this week.not in SENCO,but library and large chunk each session is now calming down rather than doing anything else...
Email yesterday,40mins in SENCO starting Monday,with timing on work not calming down.yep it's going to be a rocky ride this coming week!!

I still feel like I've been run over.unfortunatelt I need to force body forward as I agreed to help at community cafe today as short-staffed and dd2 is joining me and won't do it if i dont
DS will be planting bulbs out back with our very lovely lady vicar!

Went to the fireworks, DS2 was hyper on the way home from school, I'm fed up with having to raise my voice in the street, I always think people are judging me, DD says she doesn't like walking with DS2 because he acts weird and people look at him, I always thought they were looking at me! He doesn't act weird, he just gets silly when he's overtired and hyper.

Gah. Ds burned himself at his activity this morning and it has triggered a complete meltdown including hateful words, flat refusal to cooperate, throwing things and now disappearing in the street. I have had a quick drive around the neighbourhood on the pretence of carrying on with the job I was doing before he did a bunk. Now I’m sat at home waiting for him whilst pretending not to be bothered as he will do it repeatedly if he thinks it’s getting to me.

Has he done this before Werewolf?

The disappearing? A couple of times but not recently. He came back as expected and did ask if I’d been bothered about him going. I made it very clear I had not been worried at all and had got on with the very exciting activity of reading my book

I had to have DS2 lying next to me for most of his winding down time, as DD was making him more hyper.

Now he can't go to sleep.

Philomena and Werewolf sorry I don't have any real advice, as DS1 has ASD and his negative behaviour was mostly sensory or around transitions. Once we learned how to manage that, things got better. As he got older he was able to better manage his behaviour too. Best investment was a pricy indoor trampoline - he still uses it daily for sensory regulation. Life is far from perfect (he had a meltdown at a wedding in August from overstimulation despite all the prep we gave him about the event) but much better. The 6 year old boy who'd strip naked at school when stressed, climb hospital walls when I gave birth to DS2 (and press the nurses station bell), throw a box of elastics in the library etc has come a long way. Low point was when he was 6 and school principal suggest I get him tested for bipolar . One winter (because snow would overstimulate him) I'd resort to dragging/sliding him home from school in snowsuit as he always fell on the snow on the sidewalks and refused to walk. Anyway we got through it although during that time I never felt so alone in my life.
Sorry for that novel! Werewolf carrying on as normal when your DS returned home is how I deal with DS1 when he wants a reaction. Well done

Zoo sorry you are still under the weather. Best of luck with DS and school this week! Thinking positive thoughts for you. So nice it seems church is a positive and supporting part of your family life.

werewolfsorry things were difficult.hope things have eased a little

Philomena how was sleep last night?

Viking good to hear things have come a long way at yours over time.we don't have any family really(do sister lives other end of the country,I don't get on with my suster- she was youngest of 3 for 9 years and hated me from day one,and all parents etc have passed away) so I guess they're closest we have to family now

Church was crazy.a few drug using alcoholics with MH problems have started frequenting cafe on Saturdays and they were arguing each other .two times I step in to stop fights,third time staff weren't quick enough and took four of us to seperate them(despite not being big girls they were suprising strong)someone called police but we had simmered it down by time they arrived.luckily D's was out planting bulbs thru that.lil zoo fenced into dad's club(dad's n toddlers meet once a month.felt for dad in charge as newbies had been told moments before looks rough but everyone's harmless)dd2 wasn't happy.police cars bought every nosey Herbert off estates in so it was all hand on deck busy all morning.i limped home to bed after and slept 5 hoursfed cereal to kids and fell asleep again on sofa!D's struggled with fireworks so listened audio book with headphones but still got up 1030 panicking about longer hours at school Monday.i fell asleep again with him on other sofa!

Forgot to add I emailed rev stating dd2 would have to withdraw from volunteering again as it's not kind behaviour I want her exposed to,nor is it fair expect her to be in middle of that and expected to know what to do(seniors man the kitchen so aren't any more help and I think that's why we get trouble in Saturday's,there are younger,sharper people there on weekdays in charge)rev emailed back there's to be a meet organised this week.i think it will have to close Saturdays,maybe add in another weekday which a shame but as a church space banning people isn't an option...

That sounds very stressful zoo.

DS2 slept from 7.30 - 6.15, so he still hasn't caught up on sleep from Friday.

DH wanted to start a million rows this morning, told the DC to tidy up when they'd just started boisterous play, said I never tidy up (true, but then neither should he), as predicted by me they tidied up when they were tired, DS2 needs this boisterous playtime in the mornings, then DS2 came in for a drink, I told him there was one in his room, cue row 2, "so he's not even allowed a drink?", then he started about me setting my alarm for 5.25, because DS2 has to be up at 6.15 every day including weekends and holidays, to regulate his body clock. DH already knew this.