Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

Is it wrong to be secretly pleased that DS2 will be up at about 4am because they've been making a den in the woods this evening? I didn't even bother mentioning the 3 hours winding down time, because I knew she wouldn't do it anyway.

Well done with the car, and good luck for tomorrow. 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

Philomena - auntie may change her tune about ADHD once she's had DS for four days .

Zoo - hope half-term goes to plan...more or less! Fingers crossed .

I'm back at work part-time, which is helping to get my mind off things. Take care, friends

Philomena how lovely for her to be up beforehand to see sunrise

Viking hope balancing work and home life isn't taking its toll on you.glad work offers you a coping mechanism.
On my travels today we cross the old racecourse near D's school.if he's willing will get him take some photos on my phone and post you some autumnal trees!!

We survived.JUST
Few wibbles,but dd2 is queen of distraction and our combo we bought him back quite few times and praised him oodles!!
A pair snuggly Hogwarts pjs from Primark (as dd2 wanted go grab herself some cuddly socks with her own money)as a treat!
We got past funfair with minutes to spare before it started up(staff getting ready) then he saw salvation army shop at far end(nearest where we leave) of street which he knows has a cosy reading area and lots books so we pop in and he had a good 30 mins enjoying David Attenborough books (manual note options for Xmas) and dd2 purchase couple books I got pore recipe section and buy myself a fiction book to escape into.happy happy days!!few wibbles way back no pics Viking as was too windy made him just want get across path and head for home!
Pm I've spent bit time teaching him to knit with freshly purchased wool and pair pins of his very own!he's now on Minecraft for a little while whilst I take five
A fair few tricky moments but I feel pleased we all did what needed doing and no one uttered cross words!!

*mental note Xmas options...

Zoo - yay!! (Vikingwoman does a happy dance) . What a wonderful day and wonderful accomplishment - gold star !!
No worries about the photos - just so happy to hear it was a great day for you all!

Your day sounds absolutely lovely zoo!

Morning!!
DS had rough evening.nit helped by youngest shouting at him to shut up and stop being stupid as he start reving up(he goes up at 730 with youngest.she reads an hour before sleep.he colours/reads/watch documentary dvds whilst dd2 and I have bit time and eat together)
Anyone else have similar issues with unsympathetic siblings?any ideas?

I'm planning give her some special time today to bake and chat in case it's s specific thing that's winding her up.shes 11 on Monday(in case she makes any difference)

Philomena hope aunt still has your day(and is in denial how frazzled she's getting)

Vikinghope work continues to give you headspace

My phone has gremlins
I put D's not day Philomena I swear!!

Yes she does zoo! She'll tell me how good they were, and "you just need to wear him out". Nod and smile, nod and smile.

Yes, as I said, DD's very unsympathetic to DS2, and jealous as well.

"Why are we doing all this for him?"

"Because if we don't, he'll get worse."

It's hard to tell sometimes what's ADHD and what's sleep deprivation. DD doesn't quite get yet that all these restrictions aren't fun for DS2. But then she says "But you're restricting me too." Well yes, because she plays these boisterous games with him at 6.30pm.

Nice (not for you admittedly) to hear we aren't alone with that battle then
She was less than complimentary this morning as I needed to go drop in a repeat prescription at our docs.we nipped into Morrison's(big store over the road)to look at birthday cakes and CDs as it her birthday Monday.i never noticed how many tannoy messages there are in there til D's practically melted clutch his ears....
She was very cross in shops.i think she finds it embarrassing (as she has perfectionist tendencies)esp in public.dd2 on the other hand,took his hand and was animatedly pointing things out and cuddling him...
We get there across nature reserve and ten mins past doctors is a park with little wooded area and lake.we went there after for walk around water.
Were out two hours+strolling(not unusual for us tbh) and he coped most of it bar the shop(which was fair enough)
He ate almost all of the cheesy pasta with squash and tomatoes I gave him for lunch,then I madeistake explaining we had pop library pm and he didn't appreciate a change of plan

Viking for you the lake at the park with what I believe is a heron in it!!

Apparently my aunt took them swimming this morning, which is OK, because it's the morning. She's very brave, I'd want eyes in the back of my head. The couple of times I've taken him anywhere big in the last couple of years have been trampolining and ice skating, both for DD's birthday. I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't try to escape.

Oh Zoo - thank you! Looks beautiful! Honestly, I don't think anything helps me with stress quite like creative visualization. I can imagine I'm there by the lake running away from home before I must go back to my reality.
Needed a lovely, peaceful photo today. Reality hitting that DS1 's prospects of completing high school (he is in grade 10 - although not currently attending and would need to complete grade 12) are looking slimmer by the day. DS won't entertain the idea of home instruction for English, which would mean a teacher visiting the home for a few hours per week. His anxiety/panic set in immediately. Been looking at alternatives and it is depressing and giving me a headache. Chat with vice-principal this morning brought it home. Need chocolate. And a miracle

DS1 being home is starting to stress DH - our relationship has been neglected for so many years because of DCs needs (not blaming them of course - in fact feel guilty we've passed on some dubious genes to the poor things!)

Off today - DS2 complaining that our outdoor halloween decorations are pathetic (I agree), so heading to dollar store for a few more things.

Sorry for the little rant ladies! Philomena I can't wait to hear the outcome of this 4 day visit to your aunt's! Is this day 3?

Zoo - thank you again and I hope today continues to be a win for you and the DCs.

Viking I was looking online and I saw a UK based system very expensive that does interactive via computer classrooms?you can see the teacher,as can I think ten other kids,but not each other?is there something similar where you are(just an idea.its very expensive but an education is an education - you throw the best you can afford and then some at it?)
Sending virtual chocolate the size of you.fresh out of miracles tho.sorry about that

Philomena maybe she don't grasp the implications of the what could happen and her blissful ignorance makes it seem easy til something unexpected happens
I'm not a naturally mean person but I'd really like karma to come knock on her door(without any harm coming to your brood)

Well we took stroll to library...limited days open due to our badly run/bankrupt local council and they've moved rhymetime.to today...D's had near meltdown to puddle as we battle to get grumpiest librarian EVER to help us on a pay for 20 mins computer which in the end he said I'd help in mind and didn't.by end of 20 mins we a lost will to live and left without achieving what went in for(in better days I'd have challenged him for help and another 20 mins free)
Heyhoo.we then visited a shop on the local terrace if shops that sells crystals etc.ds loves going in and touching the stones.he picked one today dd2 bought for him along with a coil and cord so he can wear it.funnily enough he picked a purply blue one that's good for ease anxiety and panic attacks.they do say you are drawn to what you need(not that I'm fully into that kind of thing but it can't hurt )he's a tactile chap so was stroking it all way home watching the way the sunlight reflected different shades of blues and purples off it
Now home he's on Minecraft for a bit.ive just cleaned kitchen
Need wash lower floors then I promised either a small jigsaw or a bit knitting time before I start dinner
Need slot in time for lil zoo too as she's quite grumpy today(underappreciated I think)

Yes, day 3 viking. She texted me today that DH "needs" to take DS2 swimming. DH can do what he fucking wants, the pool's a bus ride away so the whole thing would take about half a day, and DH hasn't really been anywhere out of DS2's comfort zone with him alone. Also, DH is 64, does a highly physical job, comes home, makes and has lunch and crashes out on the sofa for an hour. I think he deserves a nice, leisurely weekend. I'd be happy to take him swimming, but not in fucking October.

zoo the reason he behaves "well" there is because she's not trying to make him calm down, she doesn't care if he goes back to school and runs riot. On Friday we've got DD's CAMHS assessment for anxiety. Up slightly earlier than a school day. Or every day for DS2.

Zoo - that is kind of you to check - thanks! Been looking at information online myself.
Do you pay to use the library computers? Or there are designated pay-per-use ones? Here they are free to use - but you pay for printing copies.
So sweet re: DS stroking his new stone and watching it reflect. Hopefully lil zoo will have a bit of quality time with you (not that you can control what happens, sigh)

Philomena lol quite the character your aunt is . Good luck with DD's assessment Friday

Philomena I think I'd be tongueless she was my relative(bite it hard too often)
Viking we pay per 20 mins then extra to print.in the end D's and lil zoo sat knitting and we chatted together she's coming to a shop just two of us first thing to chat and plan an activity for later in the day.nedd get some bits for her birthday after that trailing them all...do be bit vague about time he's ment be coming as I've not been giving him enough sympathy over long work hours((self imposed))and telling me has no food.this is a pattern of behaviour he used in his mum and I've tolerated it and bought him things/made fuss of him slowly doing less as u know in reality he would never go hungry,but I've not got emotional strength playing silly games so I text him tonight if he can't care for himself he's no good to DS.hes sulking now

All in all I can put a fairly positive spin on today.yes he's had a number of major wobbles,but he's also had love from dd2 and a new stone.sat and knitted and enjoyed walking by lake/woods.ive felt less stressed over things today.proud of dd2 and the need try and make more effort for them all as individuals,esp the girls whilst things are the way they are.we operate as a team,me and them working together.its way it's always been(dp has never lived with us)and I don't always give them enough credit for stuff
Anyhoo I'm rambling now!just eaten my dinner.glutted and curled up with dd2 for bit snuggles n TV ❤️

And my hands are numb from sitting on them so often zoo! The text about "DH should take DS2 swimming", I just replied "😆". If she'd understand the MN reference I'd reply "🍪" (nearest equivalent to ).

Your day yesterday sounds lovely zoo.

Thanks for the luck viking.

Not such a good day today
Whilst I achieved bit food shopping and birthday shopping for lil zoo trailing them all,things went rapidly downhill once dp arrived...
We are so used just managing things on our own our way his lack knowledge what to do and negativity have really got me down.ive been ignored/not listened to all afternoon.he asks questions and doesn't rotely listen to answers .I know his anxiety and depression aren't great but I kinda hoped he would pull towards me,listen and support not add to the chaos and loneliness of my mind
He cleared off to bed at 9.ds been up 45 mins and gabbling at me as I start glaze over with tiredness
I should know better and stop hoping things will change.sit here try not cry and feeling sorry for myself not helping.i need positive pants and strength I never knew I had muster from gawd knows where!!!

Hope everyone had a better day than me😁

Zoo - I'm so sorry today was a rough one. I hope you will at least get a good night's sleep.
I think I understand how you are feeling. You are tired of feeling like you are the only one keeping the ship afloat. I go through this with DH, just in different circumstances.
There is so much on your plate. I hope you can find time for a bath or something (this is when I do my crying - when the faucet's running and I can't be heard).
Thinking of you - let us know how it goes xxxx

Sorry you had a bad day yesterday zoo. DD was very tired yesterday, she always is when she goes to my aunt's, she gets too excited to sleep! So this meant she was screaming at DS2 and then me right before his bedtime. Then she says I keep telling her the same thing, maybe she should listen then. DS2's in here playing Hello Neighbour at the moment.