To think this was unbelievably cruel and evil?

[PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop]

having flashbacks, again. So panicked. So stupid it was 7 years ago.
How can they do this to me but they are ok, they get to have good lives!
I was suicidal and struggling, undiagnosed autism. Id been very supportive to a friend. The whole group cut me out, with no warning. they stood in the way so I couodnt have dinner with them, and called the police to take me away. i trusted them. it keeps going through ym head

How could they be so evil? One of them used to always get horribly pissed and disrupt parties and be violent to people, and she never got exlcuded. why did I? how could they? WHy do they get to be happy but i struggle so much, cos im so worthless and terrified of everyone cos i cant trust anyone, im so scared

I'm as Aspie. I don't have close friends because I can not make friendships deeper than friendly chit chat. I have learned not to trust other people with my emotional well-being because there's far too much for others to deal with. The Mental Health Services are underfunded and of limited effectiveness in my experience so I can only wish you luck because it sounds like you could do with support.

The "normal" way to deal with discovering that people were not what you thought is walk away then freak out privately in your car/home. They called the police on you because it sounds like you had a meltdown and they didn't know how to deal with it.

Nobody knows why these people changed but in my experience, many people struggle with supporting those with mental health. It's emotionally draining, time consuming and changes the friendship dynamics. (I'm not saying that you did this- this is my personal experience)

The dropping in for dinner dynamic is a little strange. Did you host as often as the others? Is it possible that the people eating dinner were discussing something private/personal that they didn't want to upset you with? You mention a trauma and your autism. They might be protecting you from hurt and somebody at that table might have needed group support more than you.

It did sound familiar Glitter .

OP if you have a personality disorder, you're never going to get the answers you think you deserve.

You have to change. Your reactions are disordered by definition.

It's not their responsibility to make you better. They have the freedom to decide they don't want you there. Your response was not normal and not proportionate.
If you need help it should be from professionals.

wtf glitter? Do you have any idea of mental health services? i dont know about elsehwere but autistic people are in a weird no-mans land round here. MH services are reluctnat to do antyhing (and dont have training for autism), but no adult autism services. may finally be getting therapy as one nice professional has really tried to help. But i feel ive lost so many opporutnities and it might be too late.
ALso theyve kept restrucuring services, so i was on a waiting list for a therapy service that was cut, etc. Im not entitled to a cpn or anything apparently.

raining they did literally talk about it and decide to cut me out. As i said, another friend (we are still friends) was there for that and appalled.

phosphoros What do you expect someone to do, when they are gritting their teeth and getting on every day and sometimes the memories and anxiety is too much? When it helpes to just have a cuppa with a friend or something. I didnt need much. Just a wee bit of kindness and the terror subsides a bit so i can cope alone again. I dont think thats too much and i did and do do that for others

... and the other thing is, if theyd not decided to exclude me, and had just txted re. dinner earlier in the day, id have been able to manage enough that no-one would have been any the wiser about how awful I felt. The main support i drew from the friendships wasnt obviously support, just friendship, iyswim. its so frustrating, i wish i could sort of timetable/neatly spread out snippets of friendship and laughter in regular intervals like medicine! Then no-one need know how bad it can be

People generally only have a fixed amount of support that they can offer friends as they have other stuff going on in their lives. I think
that people like me with MH issues quickly use up that quota.

OP I really feel for you. I've suffered with mental health problems and so have members of my family and it's bloody awful and terrifying. You need some real life support. I know you've contacted the crisis team and I hope they would arrange for someone to see you face to face. If not go to your gp and tell them how much you are struggling.

What do you expect someone to do?
Mindfulness.
Exercise.
Maintain a routine.
Medication.
Meditation.
Play music.
Focus on one or two small tasks to complete.
Consult a professional.
Breathing exercises. Etc etc.
You can't expect friends to drop everything to deal with your "terror". You need to develop your own coping strategies.

I am doing all those things, wolfie. (except midnfulness when its really bad as emptying mind just gives space for the terror, better to distract then).
I try my best not to tell anyone when its really bad. Today I cracked, and told someone. Literally just got a lovely message back, and it help a lot and the terror reduces. Just very sad now. And i feel so bad and embarassed for telling anyone.

Unfortunately, you wanting or even needing something doesn't mean someone else is obliged to provide it for you. Yes, it might have been nice if they'd invited you in and comforted you, but the fact that they were not willing or able to do so at that time does not make them the cause of all your problems and distress since then.

You just cannot place that amount of responsibility on another person, especially someone (I think you mentioned) with mental health issues of their own to deal with.

What you would have done in the reverse situation is unfortunately irrelevant, as other people are not you and will not always react in the way you want or expect. I think your main difficulty here is an inability to understand that, and to see things from another person's perspective. Do you agree that is something you struggle with?

Don't feel bad and embarrassed. But if your coping mechanisms don't work you need more professional help. What would happen if you contacted crisis team or turned up at A and E every time you felt the panic?

Oh, and I would actually be careful about mindfulness, especially as you've said it can make you feel worse.

It's a great tool for stress reduction etc when you're feeling generally OK, but there's a possibility it might make things worse in someone very distressed or mentally unwell, so often considered not a good idea unless supervised by a therapist/health professional .

Unfortunately the answer is "not much", wolfie. Just a sort of despairing cycle of making it worse by having to sit in A&E for hours (which is hell), to be assessed by the crisis team on whether you should be in hospital. The whole service is geared to emergency only, i've been metaphorically banging my head against a brick wall of trying to explain to them that I could do with some help/therapy to deal with stuff to avoid the crises. Actually stopping turning to them for help (excpet longterm help obvs) was really helpful for me.

I do manage a lot better nowadays, the nightmares etc are much less often, but they still really floor me. Its so upsetting and frustrating that the original issues are long gone and im quite philosophical about them, but life seems to have added new trauma thick and fast so I'm always playing catch-up mentally with new nightmares to cope with.

Thanks for the replies, going to go and feel sun on my skin and hope i can carry on with my day.

Actually, the other really frustarting thing is trying to get the balance between doing things to feel better/make life better, but not ending up stressed and overloaded with too much to do. Which i am currently doing atm...

(hands up autistic)

black and white thinking can do for you're unable to spot it and/or find/make/access workarounds.

i see it in myself and i think from an external perspective it's this apparently out-of-the-blue flipping from "normal/fine" to "batshit crazy" that often causes wariness/run-away-quick in others.

especially when you/and/or/they have no clue what's going on for you, if you've been in the mental health system a long time, you've asked for help over and over.

there are resources, there is hope, there's no-one better at finding a creative solution to a problem than an autistic person. but often we have a lifetime of experience/trauma to undo before we can un-stress, find space/peace to be open enough to see/find that solution.

hugs and a cup of tea and a sit out in the sunshine to you x

(hands up massive hippy too :D)

there's also no-one better at talking themself into a corner than an autistic person ime too tbf. finding ways to step out of circular rationalisation is something i find helps.

When I've struggled, I've found my Christian friends to be the best support for me. Although not all of them have been great.

I have found almost all of my non religious friends to be unwilling to cope with me when I'm most in need of support. I think I support them when they move house, need child care, split with partner or help shopping etc. I've felt very let down when it has not been reciprocated.

Yes, I am aware of mh services and their limitations. When were you diagnosed with autism? You haven’t mentioned it before so presumably it’s a fairly recent diagnosis? Are you still under that department or could you ask for a referral back to them and see what is suggested?

In the nicest possible way though you can’t expect to rely on other people for support. The support you need must come from professionals.

In the nicest possible way though you can’t expect to rely on other people for support. The support you need must come from professionals.

in the nicest possible way, professionals are other people, with all their own limitations and failures. sometimes what you need is simpla human connection. you can't get that on a script and i've yet to meet the professional with the magic wand/pill/advice/support that takes it all away.

talking things out in text can be a really useful processing tool.

Oh, Op. Not everyone is kind. Either online or rl. You will get through this, I promise.

I find this hard to read because the sane has happened to me several times. So, maybe it might help to realise you aren't alone.

I think (with me, and fuck knows what I have, ED, BDP and ASC have all been mooted but no dx.) that we let people in, and what is inside me is not what is inside them. We think deeper, feel stuff with more violence. So 2 friends going out for coffee and you finding you is the absolute end of the world.

Would I be right in that you maybe pushed your problems too hard with them, dominiated the conversation and leaned too heavily on them? If it is anything like me you had no idea you were doing that. Maybe you did things they didn't like once too often. They then told you they no longer wanted you in their lives. Of course you were devastated. I was too. Every time. So then, after a few weeks, when feeling particularly low, you went round to one of their houses looking for support. They were all there and that set you off. You begged to be let in and got so upset they decided that instead of letting you in (you'd have felt better instantly, I know.) They called the police.

It's horrid in some ways. And I still feel exceptionally upset at my own experiences. But, those people were not your friends. They have the option to walk away. They took it because they either couldn't cope, were selfish or were just tired of your domination. Regardless of whether you realise you were domineering. Which I bet you didn't.

YOU are your friend. You are your keeper. YOU can do this. With the help of MH professionals.

I tell no one of my thoughts now. I tell no one that I cry or feel suicidal at some point most days. Only my doctor.

We cannot use others as our MH punch bags. They just walk away. All this bollocks about being open with MH does nothing. As soon as you tell a friend about things. They disappear.

It will subside OP. You can get through. X

Also, I think internet forums/blogs are great for us. You can talk about anything and there is no chance of them beating you about the head with stuff later. Unless it is through twitter dm and that person was someone you thought was your friend and cared, but then blocked you for being 'crazy'. I digress.