To think this was unbelievably cruel and evil?

[PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop]

having flashbacks, again. So panicked. So stupid it was 7 years ago.
How can they do this to me but they are ok, they get to have good lives!
I was suicidal and struggling, undiagnosed autism. Id been very supportive to a friend. The whole group cut me out, with no warning. they stood in the way so I couodnt have dinner with them, and called the police to take me away. i trusted them. it keeps going through ym head

How could they be so evil? One of them used to always get horribly pissed and disrupt parties and be violent to people, and she never got exlcuded. why did I? how could they? WHy do they get to be happy but i struggle so much, cos im so worthless and terrified of everyone cos i cant trust anyone, im so scared

It sounds awful OP, I am so sorry for you. It could be that they did not know how to deal with you, that you had a meltdown and were scared for you? It was a way to get you help without them being involved.
It sounds more selfish than cruel or evil.

I don't know, it's difficult to answer you without knowing everything.
Don't be afraid to call your GP urgently, right now. There are people who can and know how to help you. Strangers on the internet are not enough, just make a call please.

Hi OP,

I've asked for your thread to be moved to another board as I don't think AIBU is the place for you right now as you are feeling so fragile. AIBU is a really tough place for feedback at times and that is not what you need right now.

Take cake and please do call the crisis team

ikeep
They had already decided to cut me off before this happened, thats why I didnt get invited to dinner.
I just cant looka t someone in pain and not phsycially feel the ache in my chest myself

Thing is OP, people are generally frightened of other people who exhibit signs of mental health issue. That's of no comfort to you of course. But you know there is a lot of stigma round MH. What ever happened that night was the peak of a long slow build up.

Im glad you're going to call crisis.

sadly some people are truly shit, and you only have to read the papers to see that there are some awful human beings everywhere.
The truth is that there are more good people than bad, you were just unlucky to be with the wrong group. It's not about you, it's them. Get some help now, and don't forget that there are wonderful people around you. Most people are more good than bad, but also busy and a bit selfish sometimes. You can still have friends.

What you need first is professional help right now, of trained people who know what to do.

OP, it sounds like these people just didn't know how to cope with you. It certainly doesn't make them good people, but it doesn't make them evil either.

It sounds as though they did try to do what they thought best for you by calling someone trustworthy (ie the police) to make sure you were ok.

I'm sure it doesn't seem like it to you, and your ex-friends could certainly have tried other things, but its quite possible they were frightened of you hurting yourself and were trying to protect themselves and you.

Please speak to your GP / a crisis team today and tell them you need help.

For future, AIBU is not the best place to post if you need help - though there are kind posters, there are a lot who see this particular board as fair game to be cruel - which you just don't need right now.

Unfortunately sometimes when people are in the grip of a mh crisis their behaviour can be irrational and frightening. It can be very very difficult for those who know someone suffering from mh crisis as well as the sufferer themselves. Sadly often the only resort is the police because we are unable to do anything else. You're clearly suffering, op, and you need to be discussing your situation with a proper mh practitioner. I hope you get the help you need.

Actually I do get what you mean about breach of trust though ikeep

Hi @PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop,

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this. We wanted to share Mind's information with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now.

We're glad to see that you're intending to get in touch with your crisis team. If you're unable to reach them straight away, Mind has an infoline - 0300 123 3393 - where you can talk to trained advisers who can look for details of help and support in your area.

Please do think about exploring some of the options in the link above. Samaritans are there for you too, 24/7, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide.

We hope you don't mind but we're going to move your thread over to our Mental Health topic, just because, as others have pointed out, AIBU isn't always the best place for sensitive advice and support.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ.

I dont have pscyhosis or anything. Just very sad and traumatised, as I was then. At what point is a human being in pain suddenly "mental" and scary? Ive always responded well to people being kind, just a natter and a cuppa really helps. Unlike some unwell/distressed people ive look out for where it is really draining (but I stil did it!)

ikeep What do you think professionals are going to do, right now? Thats a genuine question.

What i need now is a hug and someone who cares. But I dont have that and cant tell anyone, for fear of it happening again. I must smile always to be accepted.
i know about trauma, academically. In theory i need quiet stable caringness (ok thats not a word...) but real life obvs doesnt provide that. Neither do the nhs...

OP unfortunately we live in a world where a lot are arseholes.

All we can do is try and look past it and try and live the best life for us.

You need to speak to someone about your flashbacks it is the only way you are going to learn to live with it and heal. And forget about them, they are not worth the consideration.

I am a firm believer in karma and believe what goes around comes around, it might not happen today or tomorrow but it will come back to bite them hard.

I'm confused - So your friends take it in turns to host dinner at each houses. You called on one on the off chance because you were having MH problems and found they were all there having dinner and you hadn't been invited? You became so upset they had to call the police to remove you?

OP, I think your friends are struggling to cope with your mental health problems. They probably find it hard to help and know what to do.

I don't think they cut you out to be unkind but it's hard to help someone with MH issues, especially if they are not your immediate family.

The Vice
If theyd just wanted me to get help, they could have taken me to the hospital. I was already in touch with services, trying to get therapy. They knew this.
Or they could have actually helped, cos having dinner with them would have ended in laughter and feeling part of things, which fights the terror in my head.

I don't think we're getting the whole story here OP. I'm sorry they did that to you but something about your behaviour must have worried them enough to call the police. You don't seem to know what that was but obviously they were scared or worried.
Good luck contacting the crisis team.

Life its not hard to be ncie to someone whos upset, is it?

They didnt kick me out cos I was upset. I did nothing wroing - i did as many would advise and went to see a friend so I could have a nice evening, when the memories etc were getting painfully overwhelming. Cos that helps, as ive detailed. So if I'd knocked and been invited in, all would have been ok, i'd have felt a bit better, and in the long run it would be a notch lower on the general terror of life.

They had already all sat round and decided to ignore me. So when I knocked they said i couldn't come in. I didnt do anything wrong, i was just an upset person who wanted to be with friends - they stood and barred my way i and just collapsed in tears and couldnt move and was so terrified as i couldnt understand what was going on, and so frightened as they were looking at me so coldy, its so terrifying when the pain and horror insude you is so much and people look at you like your not human. they called the police because i didnt chirpily walk off! they expected me to be able to cope with that. I ended up in hospital which i also have nightmares about
i feel so worthless, i want a hug so much but im not worht it, im not human

ps. i called crisis team 45 mins ago, waiting for callback still.

I feel very worthless to onyl have disinterestd professionals to call.

Hi OP

I am autistic too, and I understand.

People can be very cruel and unaccepting. When we remember incidents from our past when people have behaved like this then it can be very real for us, we re live it very intensly.

It is not your fault that these people behaved like that, and you did not deserve it.

Do you have a way of connecting with other autistic adults, particularly women, either in real life or online or both?

I have found that accessing resources on neurodiversity and autism acceptance and connecting with other autistic adults has helped me to accept myself the way I am, and to acquire coping strategies.

I wish you all the best, you are not alone, and things can get better x

I dont sem to belong ith autistic people either. I dont have any of the common traits. The thing that causes problems in my life is trauma of what ive experienced, and being the one who the bully goes for.

Also, the crisis team called back and just wanted to know what i wanted them to do to help.

Id like to know what ikeep thinks they are going to do that a friend couldnt.

id also like to know why people tell you to call a friend, then justify the friend blocking you out as a result. Its like were not supposed to exists

Look, you are/were much more unwell than you realise.

They didn't owe you an invitation, and the usual response would either be for them to ignore you at the door, or for you to apologise for interrupting when they were busy, and walk away.

The police do not attend to uninvited dinner guests in the usual run of things.

Your behaviour/response to a non-event must have been off the scale.

Have you been diagnosed with a personality disorder (as you mention past trauma)?

That can be ridiculously hard to deal with, and would explain your extraordinary reactions.

Your reaction wasn't rational. They were probably scared. I'm sorry you're unwell but it's not their responsibility to try and make you well. You really can't expect others to solve your illness. You need proper treatment.
You must understand that someone collapsed and hysterical and refusing to leave and demanding access to your house is scary.

It wasnt a non-event, and it wasnt my response to the event. I was already in a bad way, but i can sort of head it off a bit if i arrange something nice/see friends etc, and no-one is any the wiser about how crap i feel.

But on this occasion i wasnt able to do that, as they had ignored me earlier, as I said, the normal response for our social group/wider social network if someon happened to knock at dinner time was "pull up a chair, plenty to go round" type thing, let alone the specific group of us that spent time togther arranged in advance.

it was suddenly being treated in a completely different way, just when i really needed support that was awful.

You dont seem to understand, theyd already decided to cut me out - i know this as a friend i'd introduced to them had been there for that discussion. She was appalled and has since said its one reason why she didnt maintain cntact with them.