Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this was unbelievably cruel and evil?

180 replies

PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop · 17/05/2018 09:50

having flashbacks, again. So panicked. So stupid it was 7 years ago.
How can they do this to me but they are ok, they get to have good lives!
I was suicidal and struggling, undiagnosed autism. Id been very supportive to a friend. The whole group cut me out, with no warning. they stood in the way so I couodnt have dinner with them, and called the police to take me away. i trusted them. it keeps going through ym head

How could they be so evil? One of them used to always get horribly pissed and disrupt parties and be violent to people, and she never got exlcuded. why did I? how could they? WHy do they get to be happy but i struggle so much, cos im so worthless and terrified of everyone cos i cant trust anyone, im so scared

OP posts:
Original poster
PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop · 17/05/2018 11:33

I thought they were closeish friends. I had been supportive to the host wrt their mental health.
You dont seem to udnerstand, it was totally normal for us then (mid 20s) to randomly knock on each others doors. Was all very informal, not a dinner party type thing

OP posts:
Phosphorus · 17/05/2018 11:34

You don't seem to understand, they are perfectly entitled to not want you there.

Original poster
PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop · 17/05/2018 11:35

I cant believe you think its ok to cut out someone who is struggling. Its cruel and evil and i would never do it.

and im supposed to want to carry on living. do you have any idea how hard it is? just to keep going? knowing im so worthless

OP posts:
kissthealderman · 17/05/2018 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop · 17/05/2018 11:36

no wonder the wordl is in such a state. i dont belone here. i was made for a nice world where poeple help each other

OP posts:
FissionChips · 17/05/2018 11:37

You dont seem to udnerstand, it was totally normal for us then (mid 20s) to randomly knock on each others doors

Can you not see that your reaction to being shut out was totally not normal? The police had to escort you away, you ended up in hospital.

You are unwell, professionals can offer you things like fast acting medication to help the immediate and therapy.

LagunaBubbles · 17/05/2018 11:38

Your understanding of the event and the others understanding sounds completely different. People who you thought were friends dont suddenly just phone the Police on you for no reason. So something you said or did must have justified this. Youve also referenced a trauma that was already there that, have you had any help coming to terns with that?

KeiTeNgeNge · 17/05/2018 11:41

It sounds like all of you had a very trying time. Are you currently accessing therapy or some form of support?

GinIsIn · 17/05/2018 11:43

What you need to try and understand is that it’s a lot of pressure on them. Even the way you speak about it now, so long after the event - if they’d just let you in, it would have been ok.... If they’d just done this and that... what you needed was...... but it’s all about your wants and needs, without considering the responsibility that places on them, and maybe they just wanted a break? That makes them human, not cruel or evil.

Mental health struggles are a very dark situation to be in, but you need to find ways of bringing your own light, rather than still being angry at these people for not fixing it for you.

Bexter801 · 17/05/2018 11:47

Op there are beautiful,understanding,caring people everywhere SmileTheres also people who aren't,so for you to be surrounded by people who aren't,is mind blowing for you. Try chalk it down to a bad experience,and cut these people completely out(especially in your head),don't allow them to take anymore of your energy 😉 Use that energy to make new friends,try change something small every day. Maybe go for a walk,allow someone to go before you in a queue. Go for a coffee,lunch,dinner. Smile at people,open doors for them,you'll find the world can be a much kinder place with the right outlook and of course,allowing only positive people in your life.

Original poster
PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop · 17/05/2018 11:48

and im supposed to believe stuff thats not true, its impossible, everyone insists on a different version of reality and then youre stuck in the middle, whatever you do is wrong.

It was so awful trying to do as they encourage you to challenge negative thoughts, tell mself I was being paranoid and its totally normal to not reply to a messgae for a day or so (which it is, obvs), but then i was right and they HAD been pruposely ignoring me. Like, if i'd said i was scared of that i'd have been told not to be negative! It's so hard to work out what you're "supposed" to think, how to navigate reality and what to expect.

OP posts:
MimpiDreams · 17/05/2018 11:50

I have autism too. I understand OP. It's something which happens so often to females with autism that you get asked about it during the diagnosis process.

You make a friend. You think everything is going well. Then out of nowhere you're cut off as if you don't exist. You have no idea why because they don't say, you're just dead to them. If you try to push them to find out what you've done wrong you're either ignored or met with absolute hatred and anger.

I've been there many times and know the fear and confusion well. Every time it happens I withdraw further into my own world. The last time was so bad and so blindsided me that I went mute for 8 months out of fear of saying the wrong thing.

It is cruel and soul destroying.

Original poster
PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop · 17/05/2018 11:55

oh my god mimpi, im so sorry. How awful. So its never going to get better then? I wish I could fix it.

OP posts:
Original poster
PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop · 17/05/2018 11:58

Does anyone have any idea why it happens?

OP posts:
Phosphorus · 17/05/2018 12:01

Nothing is happening.

Your mental illness in too much for friends/acquaintances to deal with.

Your reactions to perfectly normal situations is disproportionate.

You need to find a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and therapy to teach you coping mechanisms/perspective/self sufficiency.

Chachachac · 17/05/2018 12:05

It's something which happens so often to females with autism that you get asked about it during the diagnosis process.

Is that true @mimpidreams?

I am pretty sure that I have autism, and yes I've had this sort of thing a number of times (being cut off and rejected I mean, not the actual "call the police" situation).

OP, I understand what you're getting at I think. My conclusion has been that there really are some horrible people out there and they don't hesitate to put the boot in when they sense weakness. However, as Bexter has said, there are plenty of lovely ones too. I'm so sorry that this has happened. It takes a really long time, but I can assure you that you will eventually get past this and hardly think of it any more. You poor old thing.

Wolfiefan · 17/05/2018 12:06

Nothing is happening.
People can choose not to be friends with you. It sucks. But they can.
You are unwell and need to seek treatment. Your reaction to them having a meal without you is completely disproportionate to what actually happened. It's not evil what they did. It shouldn't feel utterly devastating.

MimpiDreams · 17/05/2018 12:12

Is that true @mimpidreams?

If the assessor knows the difference between autism in males and females then yes you will be asked about it. Or at least you should be. The assumption is that people with autism can't make friends but this is based on the male experience. Females can often easily make friends but can't keep hold of them. Something goes very wrong for us along the way.

Chachachac · 17/05/2018 12:17

Gosh that's so interesting (and depressing).

People are often very keen about me when we first meet. Then after a while, not to much...

Chachachac · 17/05/2018 12:17

*so

Original poster
PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop · 17/05/2018 12:19

phosphoros Ive already explained, it wasnt my reaction to "normal circumstances". I was already feeling awful and having severe anxiety/horrible memories, i needed a friend to just be like "sorry to hear that, have a cuppa" type thing and I'd have managed and the memories would have receded somewhat. I wasnt all fine and dandy and then reacting to them excluding me.

I was in touch with mental health services, trying desperately to get help that way, on a neverending waiting list for therapy. they knew this.

i wake suicidal every day, and find a way through on my own, the majority of the time. But sometimes its so bad I cant think and just a bit of kindness goes a long way.

OP posts:
Chachachac · 17/05/2018 12:21

OP, where are you right now? Are you somewhere that you can make yourself a cup of tea and sit and take some deep breaths?

Original poster
PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop · 17/05/2018 12:21

for clarity, I dont think the randomly being dropped thing is quite the same, but have also experienced that, hence being interested

OP posts:
GlitterGlue · 17/05/2018 12:22

The op has told this story many times. I believe she’s said previously that she has a number of mh conditions including borderline personality disorder. Although I think autism is a recent diagnosis? She finds it difficult to obtain or engage with mh professionals.

Op, please keep engaging with the professionals. Joe public isn’t qualified to support you and won’t be able to give you the help you need.

Original poster
PleaseMakeTheNightmaresStop · 17/05/2018 12:22

Im at home. On third cuppa, i dont understand why its not working. Im trying so hard to make everything ok and keep going

OP posts: