Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi #2

[Fairydust26]

Hi everyone this is part 2 as the original thread is full up! But as the title says this thread is support for all that are struggling and could do with a handhold and a chit chat so come and say hello😊.

@Iblinkedandiamold sounds like someone shit stirring. I'm sorry it's been stressful.

I do get the feeling people are talking about me whenever people whisper.

I hate just feeling anxious and paranoid but with no trigger. Because then you have no idea how to stop it.

Felt so tired today my eyes aches but my brain would not let me sleep. Eyes closed, things about history on to list to but nope.

Thanks Nota. I am having a drink. I don't usually drink but got two bottles of West coast cooler as a present so having one.
I listen to a meditation app at night. I find it stops my mind wandering. However it doesn't keep me asleep and unusually wake up at 5/ 5.30 am.

Nota, if you can't control it or recognise any triggers it sounds to me like you do need to seek help. The gp can offer more than medication, but I hated being on olanzapine as it zombified me but quetiapine helped. Anti-psychotics aren't just for psychosis. Psychiatrists have offered antidepressants and antipsychotics at the same time but I declined as my depression was manageable. Mind website is really helpfulwww.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/antipsychotics/ I've had lots of support in my life and after my first psychotic episode and I came off my meds slowly I was advised by a mental health nurse to get an emergency gp appointment if I had any symptoms I had before as in her experience it gets worse quickly. Lara, sorry to hear that your still struggling with dss gf. sending positive, relaxing vibes.

Onto me I'm struggling with breastfeeding in the heat. My mum is round so when I'm really anxious I get grumpy at them helping me. My baby is on mixed feeds and I want to bottle feed her when I'm tired but my family are (rightly) getting me to breast feed to keep up my supply. I've made the choice to breastfeed but when shes crying and scratching (she's given my mum pinchy bruises) I do think sometimes it would be easier to bond with my baby bottle feeding. Other times I enjoy it.

Embrace Would you express your milk and bottle feed that way?

I do relate @Embracethechaos it's so tiring! I had to give up with dd1 and mix fed but more bottle with dd2 I EBF'd her and she finally stopped feeds at 2 years 2 months

I'd keep going but after a few months you'll know if it's going to work long term.

I'm going to try and nap now. Took me ages to sleep last night though I was shattered. I am a sleep junkie so this was odd.

My Mum will be here soon and will complain I'm not looking after dd2 even though DH is.

Aaaah.

I hope your days end up improving.

Nope can't sleep.

Just thinking things. Nothing scary just everything but I'm trying to think it all at once. I'm so tired it's ridiculous and my limbs are twitchy I can call doctor earlier tomorrow as no school run to do.

But quite honestly I'm tired will codeine help me settle or make it worse?

Enjoy you're nap. I am no good without sleep. I turn snappy and have a short fuse.
By looking after yourself you are looking after your children.
My mother is critical too sometimes. My house is always a mess, a little like my head. She always says something about it.
Other things too
I know she's trying to help so I just smile and not and ask her for ideas which I don't take on board.

@Iblinkedandiamold

Blink, yes I do but she's so hungry. Baby had jaudice so the midwifes in hospital recommended a routine of breast, express, formula every feed to begin with. I stayed for a week in hospital due to my mental health and went from hand to electric expressing. Back home I had a hand pump but my midwife recommend I buy an electric one which I did at the weekend and it's so much better. I could relax and express twice the volume without thinking. She has a bottle from my dh overnight and last night didn't need any formula as I had 5 oz expressed from the morning. We both found feeding much easier today. In hospital it was difficult as I knew my bonding was being assessed so got paranoid and didn't dare say I needed a break from 3 hourly feeds.

Ah I see. I didn't bf so I don't know much about it. I took one look at DS and said I wasn't breastfeeding. He was/ still is a savage. I had to get him a baby formula for hungry babies. I also weened him a week before he was 4 months. My HV chiastised me for that but neither of us were getting any sleep. He was so hungry.
I probably had MH issues back then too but I know what you mean about paranoid in gospital. I felt I was being judged too. I felt I had to go to the clinic every week, make sure he was dressed well and not dirty etc. I eventually calmed down a little.

Sounds like you are doing really well Embrace.

My mum was advised to wean at 4 months. I love my research.. Food is recommended at 6 months but a couple of months either way is OK as babies develop at different ages. Eg we were all late walkers. I worked as a nursery assistant for a year.. Parents get so hung up on milestones, it's my resolution not to. I quite enjoy breastfeeding on my own terms and am hopeful it will help in shifting some weight, which is harder on antipsychotics.

I mean 3, before research came out and guidance changed.

My grammar and spelling are atrocious today. Sorry about that.

I think I finally lost my baby weight 19 years later lol.
I went for a long walk in the nearby forest today. Any calories I burned i put them by on by reward myself with Pizza, coke and a Maltesers ice cream.

That's my way of thinking, sat down to express after having a pack of m and ms and, a cookie, sandwich and 2 packets of m and ms.

My writing is as bad. Lol. I meant crisps at the end.

You have an excuse though Embrace. You need energy because you are feeding a tiny human. That's what I tell my sister in law.

Sounds like you're doing really well Embrace.

Yes you need plenty of them calories for baby.

First few months I was always hungry!

I just got my job allocation. They want me in the Irish speaking creche they have. Such an exciting opportunity to improve my Irish. Said yes right away but now I am doubting myself. I don't know if I have enough Irish. I'm sure there will be classes to brush up. Irish speaking schools usually have classes for parents.
Well at least I know how to say "can I go to the toilet"
Little Irish humour there. The joke is, we learn Irish all through school but we when we leave the only thing we can say in Irish is "can I go to the toilet."

I slept badly last night like Friday, when my dm went home as my dh has finished work so doesn't need to sleep through the night the same. Both times he drank alcohol... Yesterday I was awake from 4:30- about 10 then half asleep at 11 but couldn't feed so my dh reluctantly took over. All day it was too hot and baby was having short snacking drinks. I've gone from daily mh visits to 3 times a week this week. I gave by baby cold expressed when my dh napped in the evening. In last feed when baby fell asleep I was asking him to take her but angry when he was asking about why I keep feeding and put her in a basket quickly, got called a fucking cunt so got upset and didn't try feeding her until after my main medicine dose (9pm) but she wouldn't even wake up with a nappy change. She started waking up just as i was sleeping and at 11 by dh agreed to do his night bottle (usually after midnight) and she was screening like when she had her cannula. By dh asked in the morning if she'd hurt herself. So I was up before 4 feeding. Now I'll try to nap...

That's awful embrace. Is he getting support with his drinking? Does he talk to anyone?
Calling you names is not on at all. I'm sure he knows that. I know a new baby can test even the strongest realationships, no one does well when sleep deprived.
Hope you can get your head down for a while.

Decided to go for another walk in the forest today. I was trying to combine running and walking. I think I broke my body. I can't move now. Maybe chocolate will make better.
Had a check up with the dr. All going good so far.

Sorry to be jumping in here.
I'm a mess. I've been winging it for a while, but in over my head at the moment.
Was prescribed Amitriptyline and Venlafaxine. I couldn't see properly for a week. Couldn't function.
They suggested stopping the Venlafaxine. I've stopped all of it now.
I had dreadfully blurred vision, couldn't think straight. Now I'm thinking again, and it's like jumping into lions.
I think maybe I shouldn't have quit altogether. Can't see anyone with this sea of anxiety. Any ideas? I need to grow a pair to get help.

I'm sorry you're having a though time @throwaway. I can't really help. I was only diagnosed at Christmas. I am on 100mg of Sertraline. I was low for a long time before I saught out help. It's a hard step.
Have you tried on line counselling? I haven't yet but I am thinking it might help. I don't like the idea of a face to face session yet.

Had a phone consultation. Referred for CBT.
Oh well. Maybe that will help?
I need to kick the acrophobia. My kids won't understand this if it goes on much longer.
Plus I need to work.

If I cannot leave the house, I am fucked.

Thanks for your message. I feel less alone.
How are you doing?