Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi #2

[Fairydust26]

Hi everyone this is part 2 as the original thread is full up! But as the title says this thread is support for all that are struggling and could do with a handhold and a chit chat so come and say hello😊.

[WLmum]

deborah interesting! I'm seriously thinking about retraining as a HCP. My job now I find can be quite stressful, but I'm not entirely sure why. The last few years I've had work anxiety. I want to do something with my natural caring and love medical stuff. I feel best when I'm really helping others. The financials of retraining are pretty scary.
jaymay I also think it depends on your build and stomach muscles. I started to show quite early but honestly I loved it. Feeling the baby love comes on gradually so not a big weird sudden thing. I really loved that the most - it was like our own secret language. I was probably at my least anxious ever being pregnant.

[Fairydust26]

WLmum strangely enough I found I was less anxious when I was pregnant too! Think it was the excitement and that fact that it occupied my mind into something positive helped loads.

[Deborah543]

Great questions. Everyone is different. I first felt a bump while lying on my back in the morning (with a full bladder) around 12 weeks. I'm quite self conscious about my belly so not really sure when I started showing as it's a gradual process but it wasn't until last week (22) that people started commenting (I looked clearly pregnant and not fat). I'm not overweight BTW, just carry all my fat on my tummy normally. For me, Yes, it's stretchy and uncomfortable, esspesally if you stand up too fast. For me it wasn't painful exactly but made me light headed. Now I'm getting stitch like cramps low down if I walk too fast after eating. I need time to digest. The movements come on slowly, took me ages to realise it was definitely movement and not bowl gas. Also, the placenta is at the frount for me so it was later. Because it was gradual, it was less freakish than I was expecting. It depends on my mood. When I'm stressed and anxious, it felt all squirmy and weird and yakky. When I'm relaxed it feels nice, esspesally if I'm singing and I pretend it's kicking along with the beat (I'm not sure 3 kicks really counts). I'm getting used to it now so less freakish. My mum said she did not enjoy the movements much, which is nice to hear as every other mum says how wonderful it is...

[WLmum]

So glad you're feeling a bit better jaymay
I'm amazed I've made it through the day after an almost completely sleepless night last night and a full day at work.
I did jump in the bath with my youngest which is always lovely

[Fairydust26]

Jaymay glad your starting to feel better and taking care of yourself😊.

WLmum hopefully you manage to get some decent sleep tonight😊.

[Deborah543]

Jaymay. I didn't feel any connection to the baby for ages. I decided to write letters to it which really helped. I was excited for a bit, bought some stuff including a newborn bundle. Then I felt crap again, was home alone, tried to cheer myself up by looking at clothes but felt nothing so cried... Felt better as i chatted to an older mum who was a patient of mine and she said it's normal to go off babys and non broody when your actually pregnant.

[Deborah543]

So funny, I had carrot and cucumber sticks for my second breakfast in the staffroom before work. And yes I am now a hobbit and 2 breakfasts are the way forward.

[Deborah543]

Yesterday

[Deborah543]

On Wednesday my diet was mainly cake, this morning I come into the staffroom for breakfast and there are doughnuts on the table. I think this sugar fatty cravings may be partly medicine, it doesn't help that my department in the hospital love cake, esspesally now with high winter pressure! Custard doughnuts were always my cake of choice as a child!

[WLmum]

Nice deborah!
I finally succumbed and now have a prescription for sertraline. I'm really nervous about feeling worse initially. The patient info leaflet says normally start on 25mg then raise to 50mg but I've got 50mg straight away.

[Fairydust26]

WLmum I was given 50mg straight away too didn’t realise some people halved the tablet at first till I did some research on it but I just stuck at the 50. My gp wanted me to go up to 100mg after a week which I thought was way to soon and I was feeling pretty crap with the side effects anyway so have stuck at 50mg since which my gps happy with hope they bring you some relief if you have any questions I’ll do my best to answer them for you!.

[Deborah543]

Hope it works for you wl. Not to scare you but I was also but on 50mg, gave me such bad insomnia I went a bit psychotic after a few days.... But those symptoms are 1 in a 100 so I'm special. Psychosis is the one diagnosis I'm not happy with. Hard to tell when anxiety and mania really is psychosis, so I don't completly agree. I did need an antipsychotic... But most people find setraline helpful.

[Deborah543]

Not many women worry about post natal psychosis like I have to - sorry jaymay if I've added that to your list.

[WLmum]

Oh how awful for you. I really hope it doesn't give me insomnia - the sleepless nights are what push me over the edge.

[Fairydust26]

WLmum it made me tired when I first started taking it so I take it at night however it does effect people differently so trail and error on that front to see what time works best for you.

[Deborah543]

Exactly what the gp told me, first night I took it in the evening, then the morning. It was just that when I went in asking for something with a sedative, we decided against it due to my concerns I had with the dvla from past experience with olanzipane. The drug I'm on now does have a mild sedative effect which for me right now is nessersary.

[WLmum]

Thanks fairy. I'm feeling really teary today - I guess sort of a mix of relieved and defeated.
deborah sounds like you've had a lot to contend with.

[Deborah543]

Wl mum I felt similar after starting quetalapaine last week. Relived and defeated and also slightly kicking myself for being so stubborn and taking so much persuasion to take a medicine that is so commenly prescribed. Just been needing sleep for so long. I've managed to improve my diet on the medicine so that's my real focus now, but... Cake... Fortunately I have family who did all the research on the drug this time, I just read the very commen side effects and left it at that.

[willothewisp17]

Hi everyone, can I join?
Daughter born 10 weeks early, spent 8 weeks in hospital, came home on oxygen, initially I was fine, just got on with it, then it became apparent something was wrong.
Seen my GP, diagnosed with anxiety and started on citalopram. No change in how I felt, so prescribed diazepam on top of this, still no change. Medication changed to mirtazapine, resulting in an awful few weeks of utter rage, heightened anxiety and nightmares!
Now back on citalopram and pregabalin, a combination that seems to be keeping the anxiety at bay! Also have been seem a community psychiatric nurse, and trying to work out the things that trigger my anxiety the most, which is my daughters feeding and weight gain and germs. All leads back to her premature birth, for months on end I was noting down every feed, the contents of every nappy, all medication, all food she had eaten and what brands JUST INCASE something happened. People feel unable to sneeze or cough around me because I'm instantly panicked that they are ill and are going to infect my daughter. Everyone tells me this will get better as my daughter gets older, but I can't help but think as she's grows I'll just have new anxieties!
Christmas was a truly awful time, everything really came to a head for me, all I could keep thinking was this is my daughters first christmas, things could have gone so differently and she might not have even been here. Tired of people telling me to be grateful for what I have and count myself lucky, I DO count myself lucky and I'm grateful for every single breath my daughter takes! I just want her to be happy and healthy all the time, even though she is happy and healthy, I just want more for her!
Sorry for the rambling!

[Deborah543]

Allthough social services contact is worrying me. I'm from a middle class supportive family so never espected their involvement. I know they are there to support me, and to be honest, gave me the kick I need, but I'm waiting for my case to be heard by a panel which makes me feel like a criminal. It will be good meeting my care coordinator on Tuesday. My manager has spoken to her and said she's great and her name is blessing which sounds fitting. I also think at 26 I'm too youngnto have a baby but know it's not really young. Just got to stop myself thinking anything negative or paranoid when communication is going above my head... Anyway I've broken 2 rules I gave myself, no mumsnet and no evening screen time so I'm heading to bed now.

[WLmum]

Hi willo. Welcome. I'm glad to read that your dd is happy and healthy but sorry you are struggling. I was much more worried about germs etc with dd1, and used to marvel at those who didn't seem bothered.
deborah you've got a lot going on. Bless you. Will think of you on Tuesday.
I'm one sertraline in and been awake since 3, and had an upset tummy. Will skip tomorrow night and take a half dose on Sunday morning I think.

[Deborah543]

Thanks wl mum. That sounds like a good plan, sort of thing the gp recommend for me. Unfortunately I was not making good judgements and took a half dose at 4am when I'd planned on taking a break. Hope setraline works for you. Funnily enough, even though pregnancy I very rarely get an upset stomach. Cold, hormones everything only ever seems to effect my head. A mental health nurse told me that's a good way to think of it, lots of people have a weakness which they get ill from, stocmah, chest head. It's just we think when it's our head we can overcome it using willpower alone...