Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi #2

[Fairydust26]

Hi everyone this is part 2 as the original thread is full up! But as the title says this thread is support for all that are struggling and could do with a handhold and a chit chat so come and say hello😊.

Hey not posted on this thread before but am finding myself ridiculously anxious, angry and paranoid right now.

Been on antidepressants since 12 and I'm 28 now with 2 kids. I just permenant it am frightened of things happening mostly fires as can smell fire or gas leaks.

I also see colours out of the corner of my eye sometimes which is just weird. I'm sick of feeling on eggshells with myself and just want to be alone yet not as loud noises or unexpected noises make me jump.

I just wish I could be happy and relaxed as a person but fat chance of that.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. 💐

Thanks for the sleep advice guys.
Embracethechaos, did you drive today? I hate driving but it something I have to do every day. I turn up the radio and sing along.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune welcome. Sounds like you're having a tough time at the moment. I find just writing it here really helps. I am seriously thinking of starting a journal of feelings.

Hi nota... Have you ever been on anti-psychotics? I feel simular to you at times and find them helpful. I hate getting visual disturbances as it often means a migraine is on the way, makes me so on edge. Setraline gave me psychotic symptoms and that's the only time I tried antidepressants.
Hi lara, I didn't drive as I couldn't leave my baby as she was awake and hungry when I was awake. I did get out for a walk. I also listen to the radio when driving, helps me concentrate as otherwise I overthink what all other road users might do. I don't mind driving, I didn't like it when I had a long daily commute.

@Embracethechaos interesting you say that as i am on Sertraline. I have been since 17 (was Prozac at 12!). Before I had the antidepressants at 12 I had what would be called psychotic symptoms if an adult has it but a wild imagination at 10. I thought I had magical powers and the Devil was protecting me. I thought there was something in the corner of my room. I also saw visual disturbances. As I'm visually impaired I assumed it was that as had them from 7/8ish and before that I'd include just before sleep.

When I took antidepressants up to 2 years ago I had none of those symptoms except when was tried to take off the antidepressants twice. With the Prozac I felt mega panicky and tearful all the time and when went off meds to come back on again 4 months later after a few months I felt empty or scared as my only emotions. I wandered around in a t shirt only in late November to feel the biting cold as something other than emptiness.

I was scared to sleep so went 3 days without it. When went back on it was a lot better. Around Summer last year it started up again on periodical and in November I was a paranoid and nervous mess. They didn't want to give me benzos or anything as I have 2 young kids.

Anyway sorry for telling my life story. Just wanted to give an accurate picture. Guess may need to change meds. I worry about doing that when looking after kids. But yesterday when hoovering I nearly screamed when the coffee machine burred.

I hope everyone is having an okay day today. It's looking like it may rain here today. I was going for some mild sun for the youngest to enjoy. The eldest is in reception class so she'll be enjoying school (I hope!)

Hi nota. You've had a tough life. It's good to hear other peoples stories. I probably had an acute undiagnosed psychotic episode aged 13 and have and a couple since. They've not been as bad as yours or my relatives. However, when I got pregnant and antenatal depression I got really bad headaches and migraines as I couldn't take painkillers which is when I trialled setraline at 50, then 25 then nothing which gave me bad insomnia and a terrifying out of body experience, one dose of olanzipane (still in my medicine cupboard) brought me down. I had some sleep paralysis and panic attacks after and was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. I was prescribed citralapram, didn't take it as its in the same family to setraline but is known to cause birth defects and withdrawal symptoms in fetuses. I was then referred to a psycatrist and prescribed quetiapine. It's a great new medicine, both a mood stabiliser and a sedative.

@Embracethechaos that must've been frightening at 13.

My sister is borderline szhizopophrenic so always been paranoid about getting psychotic.

I think I must have GAD too because I don't like talking to strangers, asking for help etc. I'm also fairly weary of men but also pretty flirty so I don't know I'm just very strange sometimes. I think I'll see how the next few days go and if things don't settle I'll go doctors Monday.

Good luck with the gp if you go not another. Let us know how you get on if you decide to go for a medicine change. You don't sound strange to me, but then again I don't believe anyone is normal, you can't really define it. It wasn't as scary as giving birth, now I've done that I feel a bit invisible. I know what you mean about being paranoid about being paranoid. I get migraines when stressed as before I was on my current medication I was constantly fighting irrational thoughts and justifying to myself my emotions. It felt like my brain was swelling. The worst part of giving birth was hospital as I stayed in hospital aged 13 with unexplained neurological symptoms. It was very busy on Sunday night before I got a room on Monday and after giving birth I was back to the busy ward Tuesday morning, opposite the nurses station for the rest of the week so I got sleep deprived, paranoid and angry as to why I couldn't be moved or discharged as it was really hot. I'm doing well now I'm home but feel guilty. I have loads of support and phone lines to call about birth reflections I may do.

Good luck with the doctor Notanother if you go. I too have talking to strangers but it's something I make myself so. I am better if they are chatty and lead the conversation.
It is really good to read what others are going through. It makes me feel like I am not alone.
I wrote a letter to my son which he will never read. Just putting down my feelings really. I slept quiet well last night, not sure if it's a coincidence or not.
Embrace how is motherhood going? You seem like you're doing well.

@Embracethechaos it was particularly hard when both the girls were born as I'd gone from 150g to 100mg for a few weeks then 50mg for the rest of the time. It was mostly as a precaution as Sertraline is supposed to be the safest SSRI to take whilst pregnant and BFing. But my baby blues were a lot worse than the usual - but waited until 4 months when they'd have stronger resistance to up it again.

I hope you're enjoying motherhood. As I've been on ADs more than half my life and they are known to dull emotions I'm rarely happy or excited but when I saw their little faces for the first time I was truly happy.

How’s everyone doing?

Hi @Fairydust26

I'm not doing too bad, sleeping a lot better just waiting for therapist date to come through.

How are you?

Hi Fairydust26 how are you keeping. I'm good although still not sleeping great.
Went to see Wicked today. I'd highly recommend it if ye haven't seen it. Brilliant and I'll never see the wizzard of Oz in the same way again.

Hi fairy, I'm surviving on sleep deprivation, but at 6+ hours a night I know I'm lucky compared to most new mums. My dh is more exhausted, first and last week back at work (in a school), with an interview, new class and promotion. Woop woop. I'm looking forward to the summer holidays. He's got 2 days left.

Oh Embrace that's great news. You are very lucky with baby too. Hope it stays like that for you.

Hi everyone glad to hear your all doing somewhat good😊 I’ve been doing well also long may it continue! Sending positive vibes all your way.

larla I’ve never seen wicked but it’s something I’ve always wanted to see I’ve heard a lot of good things about it!.

Looking at Facebook has given me social anxiety as an ex college said she missed working with us and tagged lots of people but not me... I didn't start working until a few years after her so that's probably why... I should avoid Facebook, its a known trigger. I overthink it. I've uninstalled the app but have the browser.

I had a bad evening with it last night.

I slepy9 hours after and still feel exhausted and having the odd hallucination (beige/yellow face it seems quickly zooming towards me and disappearing?) and feeling disconnected. Also feel like I'll see something on the back of someone's head or on the window etc.

I want to see doctor but worried about being brushed off. I'm also so tired too and just want to sleep.

FML.

I don't think a dr would brush you off Nota. You should go if you can. Sleep is very important and it's something I am really struggling with myself.
It sucks being exhausted all the time.
Hope you start to feel better soon.

Nota, doctors would not brush you off with your symptoms you can ask to speak to the duty doctor if the receptionists are difficult as psychosis, which your having symptoms of are concidered a medical emergency. I was really nervous about seeing the gp, mostly because I didn't want to be sectioned but he did take me seriously and I've always been treated in the community (at home with phone lines).

Thanks both.
I don't know if it's psychotic type symptoms as it's not consistent it comes and goes at random without trigger.
It's very disturbing though.
I used to have similar as a child but as a child/preteen assumes it was my imagination.

Yesterday and today have been bad. Not awful but bad. Been very emotional and teary. Yesterday my skin felt..I don't know how to describe it..sort of prickly, like I felt like I was in danger or something.
Went for a walk in a Forrest to try and Cian down a little.
Today I was shopping and nearly broke down crying in the middle of Tesco for no reason.
I think it's from lack of sleep. Everything is all the place.

I changed my user name. Thought all my posts would change to my new name but they didn't.
I'm Larla.

Oh, was messaging a friend on Facebook, asking how their child enjoyed the Grad. They told me the mother of DS' GF had been texting them. They said "She's toxic that one. Pure poison."
They said they'd shoe me the messages next time we meet up.
Problem is now I am completely paranoid. I wonder if she was talking about me.
I don't understand why this woman if acting like a teenager.
It honestly baffles me.
Right now my heart is pounding and I feel like a bucket of iced water was thrown over me. Logically I know it might not have been about me at all but still.