Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi #2

[Fairydust26]

Hi everyone this is part 2 as the original thread is full up! But as the title says this thread is support for all that are struggling and could do with a handhold and a chit chat so come and say hello😊.

Hi..I'm going through the motions living my ( hated) life...and I just think what's the point..what's the point to any of it,when I feel this crap..this crap that I need to go to bed at 5.30 at night just to hide,this crap that I hide instead of getting out of bed in a morning.im overwhelmed with my life ,kids dogs husband house cleaning 2 with autism,one not been in school for 8 yrs ,now the other not in school.im drained ive nothing left to give.i can't make decisions,I feel paralysed,I did a test on line for autism and scored 39 out of 50.. it would explain why I've felt as I do my whole life.

have you spoken to your Dr about how you are feeling? You have so much on your plate no wonder you are overwhelmed.

Yep,got some tablets,heavy duty stuff makes me feel stoned,so I'm not taking them.

I felt the same as you sadsnake, setraline made me feel so out of it and made my anxiety and depression so much worse. I only took medication in the end as I'm pregnant, and was referred to a psycatrist and theres safeguarding issues if you don't take your prescription... Taking medication is one of my anxieties. Now though I'm on quetalapaine which works for me. I would like to come off it in the future, when the baby is older and my hormones and mood have settled. Have you looked at mind and the royal college of psycatry. I find them really good websites. I quite like cbt and keeping up with hobbies such as running with my dog. but can't run now I'm pregnant. I feel for you as I have friends and relatives with children diagnosed with autism, sounds manic. 'lifestyle changes' is a word doctors like to use. Sometimes easier said than done. But baby steps. That's what I've found cbt online course really useful for. Your gp may be able to refer you to that. Maybe sit down with your family (those mature enough) and write some lists, rules, priorities etc, say mum needs some time to relax too. Autistic people like structure. My brothers behaviour really improved with a star chart, saving up for a PlayStation but he was at school with a good teacher.

FWIW I was on citalopram but had to come off because they made my anxiety about a million times worse. I still have rough days (mornings particularly) but nothing like the terrors I was getting on the SSRI.

I'm trialling magnesium supplements btw. It's a bit left-field of me but I've done a bit of digging about and there is some correlation between low Mg levels and anxiety. And even if it's placebo I'm finding it makes me feel a little bit better. (I hadn't taken them for the past two days and my DH mentioned it today as my anxiety was much worse again today and I realised I'd forgotten.)

LEM I totally second your sentiment about anxiety. Yep. It sucks. It's hideous. So glad everyone on here understands - makes me feel less alone - although I wish you weren't all going through it as it's horrible.

Feeling so hopeless today . I miss my dd1 so much and I'm worried my illness (or just my general shitness as a person) is damaging dd2. I wish I wasn't here anymore but I have to carry on . It's so hard

LEMtheoriginal hugs for you I’m sure your a great mum, anxiety depression whatever it may be is hard enough on its own to deal with let alone when your really struggling. I guess what I’m trying to say is your not alone have you spoken to your gp about how your feeling?.

It's very hard isn't it ..I just can't even find the words to my husband about how I feel.we have just had a major lifestyle change in our family and my role is now different,and I'm shocked at how I'm struggling to adapt and struggling to find a new routine,and shocked at how badly I need the routine,.even if I said out loud ..I think I'm autistic.what would it solve? I've still got to cope and get on...I've 2 kids with autism,who don't get any help.so I'm under no illusions there would be adult help.

I've been worse than this in the past thou ,so I'm not at rock bottom yet..a while back ..years. Things were bad and I kept having images of me having hung myself in the house and lightly swinging...or I'd be driving and I was waiting at a roundabout with a truck coming ,and a voice in my head saying pull out ,pull out..

I'm crying this morning and relieved because I don't cry easily, I normally bottle things up. and I've felt like I've needed to for a while. Even listening to sad music and films didn't help, but arguing with my dh then telling him to leave me alone when he left for work did the trick... , how's everyone doing?

embrace. Yes a good cry can be cathartic to get rid of pent up emotions.

Those images are scary aren't they snake. I have similar thoughts about standing on a train track. Not because I want to but it's something that has always bothered me.

I am going to the Dr shortly to talk about BPD - her suggestion not mine. My dd is off school with toothache and I feel awful because I won't be able to take her to the dentist. It is one of my big fears . Dp will take her but I don't fancy their chances of actually treating it

Time to get out of bed take two. I tried reading a pregnancy article on breathlessness but it just increased my anxiety, made me think the baby will be premature... Even though everything is fine...

Your baby WILL be fine. Your breathlessness is due to anxiety. Could you look at some online breathing exercises? Worth a try

Thanks lem. It's a bit of both I think. I get short of breath walking too fast, or up a hill which is pregnancy but then I start worrying and it becomes anxiety short of breath. I read about being able to hold a conversation when walking but when talking and walking I forget to breath then have to stop... I looked up some breathing exercises and yoga in the first trimester and am trying to get back into that now. My husband has also helped, when I felt sick had a panic attack in bed after taking my new medicine once. Thinking positively we will be well practiced before we even start nct classes and I'll be a pro in time for birth. That's been the most difficult thing about starting medication during pregnancy, I can't separate out side effects from pregnancy symptoms from anxiety. I stopped doing the evening dog walk a while ago as my husband uses it to blow off steam from the day, walks too fast and complains about cats...makes me scared to walk the dog incase he gets into a fight with a cat... I don't want dirty claw scratches, a traumatised dog or an injured cat on my hands. My dog could wear a muzzle but it draws more negative attention to us... He's grabbed a dead hedgehog once but cats are different... Legally and emotionally ... He's had one attack him outside our house, when we first got him jumped on his head from the bushes then streak off... Just seems rediculous to not be able to walk my dog through fear of cat attack... The law is so biased between stray dogs and cats, heard a noise a bit like a bird dying outside our window the other night... May have been a cat....

Embracethechaos I too find a good cry helps to release a lot of built up tension however I do find it harder to do so now since I’ve been on medication I have the urge but nothing comes out! Hope your feeling better now.

So now I'm onto the next thing to worry about! This is getting ridiculous! Did the usual 3am wake up with heart racing thoughts going round and round in my head.
I logged onto the gp's website this morning to see if they had any appointments free and if they'd had one today I would have booked and gone. But nothing online till Wednesday next week so I wimped out and didn't book it. Told myself I'd be fine by then. But I think I am a step closer to actually doing it tbh. Just sick of being like this.

What does everyone think of CBT? I like the idea behind it but just don't think I can do it. I had telephone CBT once and it was a waste of time. Waited so long for it that by the time I got it, I was feeling a lot better so didn't engage with it. It seems that medication and CBT are the main things our gps offer.
Just big sigh!!!

I'm waiting for CBT..been waiting a year
..they keep saying in the next month or two when I ring

3 week wait at my Drs ,so I book it and feel better 3 weeks later then cancel,then it starts again,.

A holiday by myself ,alone would help me massively..fat chance

I've got silvercoud, the online NHS funded cbt in my area, it's a really good app. I stopped it through as the support and weekly questionnaires on anxiety and depression were making me feel worse, esspesally as I didn't have suicidal or self harm thoughts but being asked if I do make me think about it.... Also, I have no real phobias but childhood phobias were starting to come back... So personally I like self guided cbt, haven't got that far through the one on generalised anxiety disorder though as I was advised to stop it when I had lots of other support.

Sadsnake any chance you could speak to your gp and let them know how much your struggling and see if they can put in an urgent referral for the cbt May be worth a shot.

They tell me to ring the crisis team if I get bad...but like I said ,I've been much worse than this about 10 yrs ago ..plus I self harmed and OD in my teens ..so it's pretty bad now ,but not as bad as before....the problem is I just clam up and I can't find the words..I'm 99% sure there's something wrong with me ,bipolar,/ bpd and / or autism..I've spent my whole life only just hanging on..it sounds rediculous me saying oh I think I've got something,but I'm past caring what people think..

Unwiseoldelf...I'm really interested in how your magnesium trial is going...I take every vitamin you could think of..but nothing yet to write home about.

LEMtheoriginal.. sorry I only just saw you mentioned me,yes they are scary..have you been and talked to your gp about bpd? How did you go on? .