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The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

896 replies

Aintgotnosoapbox · 14/07/2017 00:39

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

OP posts:
calmday · 02/08/2017 15:57

I'm feeling pretty anxious today. I started smoking again this morning and have now stopped again and put a nicotine patch on, and have a nicotine lozenge in my mouth. I find it really hard not to smoke in the morning, especially after my morning coffee. I better try harder tomorrow.

Just had my CPN round. Both her and my partner thought I was a bit high. My partner told her that the citalopram makes me high. This is not true, I'm not high. Sometimes I come across differently to how I feel. I told her I'm not depressed any more, I'm just anxious.

I'm feeling quite anxious just now. I don't know what about, just general feeling of anxiety. I wish I had some diazepam to take.

I hope everyone is ok today.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 02/08/2017 16:30

I'm going to start a journal today, a journal of recovery and partly, of how I'm feeling. I also have been thinking about goals and have printed off some sheets about smart goals , will have a think about what I want to achieve in the next day, the next week, the next month and the next three months.
Start a new job tomorrow.

OP posts:
Aintgotnosoapbox · 02/08/2017 16:32

Calm- do you get anxious when your CPN comes round? Do you think there could be any validity in her thinking you are high, sometimes anxiety or irritability can be part of elevated mood.
Hope you feel better shortly.

OP posts:
calmday · 02/08/2017 17:19

Hi Aint. No I don't get nervous when my CPN comes round, but I was feeling quite anxious so that could explain how I came across.

Good luck with starting your new job tomorrow.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 02/08/2017 18:12

Thanks calm :)
Yeah a little nervous and drained, but I feel there have been so many recent situations where I've managed fine at work , I need to trust in myself and just allow the natural, slight apprehension 😕

OP posts:
Aintgotnosoapbox · 02/08/2017 18:14

My main anxiety is work related.

OP posts:
calmday · 02/08/2017 18:48

Wishing you a calm, anxiety-free day tomorrow Aint Smile

calmday · 02/08/2017 20:28

I've calmed down now. I don't know why I sometimes feel so anxious but at other times I don't. I can't seem to predict when I will be anxious, and I don't usually notice any triggers. I wish I didn't have to feel that way sometimes. I suppose I should enjoy the calm feeling when it happens and try not to anticipate any anxiety.

I hope you all are having a peaceful evening.

user1483981877 · 02/08/2017 20:32

thanks calmday. I completely hear you about trying to enjoy the calm feeling when it's there, I struggle with this too as I am always anticipating the drop in mood or increased anxiety. But recently it has all become so much more overwhelming, I really envy anyone who doesn't have anxiety!
Hope you have a peaceful evening everyone too and hope the job starts well Aint!

velmadinkly · 02/08/2017 21:58

Good luck for tomorrow aint.

Calmday, could your anxious feeling be coming/ exacerbated from the nicotine patches? When my friend used them she had horrible side effects including feeling 'on edge'

I've had an few hours today where the anxious feeling has been there in the background. I've had the odd one or two thoughts crop up, but I've been practicing mindfulness and just acknowledging that the though was there without really thinking about it and I think it has helped. I've not spiralled into over thinking. I'm just accepting the thought is there and it's just a thought, nothing more and nothing less. It doesn't necessarily mean the thought is true, it's just a thought.

I ended up telling two of my friends a few more details about my mental health especially about the anxiety and the worry and over thinking. They didn't say I was mad to be thinking what I was thinking or anything. They more easily understood the depression aspect because they know about my Mam. Neither have ever had anxiety so I explained how i'm affected and they just gave me a kind empathetic look. I feel better for telling them in more detail because now if I have a 'moment' when I'm out with them I don't and won't have to pretend all is ok.

I'm hearing you all about trying to enjoy the calmness when it's here. I too worry that I'm going to be in a calm mind and then I'm going to look at or speak to DH and then I'm going to get that anxious stomach drop feeling and the calmness is going to be lost and the fear will hit.

I hope everyone has a good rest tonight.

calmday · 02/08/2017 22:28

Hi velma. It's funny that you mention that the nicotine patches could cause anxiety cos I think that might be true now that I think about it. I started feeling really anxious earlier after I put one on. I've still been smoking whilst wearing it so I haven't done too well today with the stopping smoking. But I shall stop using the nicotine patches to see if it makes any difference. Thanks.

Well done for telling your friends about your anxiety. That way if you do get anxious in front of them then they'll understand a bit more.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 02/08/2017 23:37

Thankyou for your good wishes.
I am feeling anxious - hello my old friend.
I have just had a sort of running conversation, battle in my head over the last hour. Combatting it with common sense, mindfulness, allowing it, fighting it, trying to tolerate it, telling myself I've had it before, they are unfounded fears and it's just my brain thinking there is a threat and
THERE IS NO THREAT !!!!
Sigh. It's exhausting.

OP posts:
taxiforme · 02/08/2017 23:39

User, yes with citralopram one of the side effects appears to be that it makes you worse before it makes you better.
Like you, I have had a hideous two weeks.

Two nights and a day of really bad panic attacks.

It can take at least 4 weeks to have a positive effect. I would keep in touch with your gp xx

calmday · 03/08/2017 14:36

I don't feel too anxious today thankfully. I managed to go to the town centre and pay some bills and do some shopping. Also picked up my citalopram at the chemist's. Didn't get too anxious, although I tried to do the shopping quickly in tesco as I was starting to get nervous. Gave myself a pat on the back when I got home.

Tomorrow is our big day out. Feeling really nervous. My partner insists that I come. It's TMI but I'm scared I'll get diarrhea and shit myself. I'm also scared about getting into a panic and being in a strange place. Hopefully I'll be alright.

velmadinkly · 03/08/2017 19:47

Calm just consider how many times you've had diarrhoea and then how many times that has resulted in you shitting yourself. I bet it's very few, if any for the shitting yourself bit.

I've had a really good day today. A few bad thoughts tried to creep in, i mindfully recognised them, but didn't really five them the time of day. I've come In from work and I've felt much more relaxed around DH, I haven't got a surge of positive emotion or anything, such as a feeling of love, but I've had the thought and recognised that I feel 'normal emotions' around DH.

I'm goung to write it in my book so that if I go into the head storm again, I can read it to prove to myself that what I'm thinking is not true

Aint- how was your first day?

calmday · 04/08/2017 11:09

My DP and the kids are off on their day out. I didn't go in the end, my anxiety got the better of me Sad. Feeling really bad for not going. The kids' uncle is going with them too so at least my DP isn't alone.

So now I'm sat at home alone. It's really quiet without the kids. Feeling quite bad really.

user1483981877 · 04/08/2017 11:30

sorry to hear that calmday. Be kind to yourself, you made a decision for your mental wellbeing and so now don't beat yourself up for listening to yourself, just look after yourself today and maybe get something nice ready for dinner when they get back?

calmday · 04/08/2017 11:51

Thank you user. Yeah I am trying to be kind to myself. I hope the kids are having a nice time.

calmday · 04/08/2017 12:22

Don't really know what to do with myself now that the kids aren't here. It's weird not having my son to talk to, we are always chatting about one thing or another. He's 5. He's my world Smile. I miss him.

Just watching Orange Is The New Black. I'm on series 3. It's really quite good.

Had a cheese and crisp sandwich for my dinner.

Pretty bored and lonely.

How is everyone else doing?

taxiforme · 04/08/2017 14:26

Calm, just the thought of a cheese and crisp sandwich has made my day better!! Brought back happy memories.

The butty of choice for me and my brother on a Sunday teatime xx

calmday · 04/08/2017 15:49

Oh lovely taxi I do love a cheese and crisp sandwich.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 04/08/2017 19:56

Hope all ok in the thread, am tired but fine, work went well. Though not yet under pressure.
Have a good evening online friends 💕

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thewizardofsoz · 04/08/2017 20:24

Could I please join this thread? I've been suffering with anxiety since having my children, but it's been particularly bad in the last two years. I made an appointment with my GP who prescribed me anti depressants but after googling all the awful side effects I was too anxious to take them so I'm just trying to help myself at the moment. Good days and bad days. The thing I struggle with is not having anywhere to offload really, there's no one i really feel comfortable opening up to and my husband is not particularly sympathetic, he really doesn't understand.
Anyway it's refreshing to know I'm not alone.

calmday · 04/08/2017 22:06

Hi wizard. Welcome to the thread. Sorry to hear you've been suffering with anxiety. Do you think you would think about taking the antidepressants that your doctor prescribed? I know it's scary to take a new medication but antidepressants have done wonders for me in the past. Maybe they could work for you Smile. You don't know until you try x

calmday · 04/08/2017 22:08

And glad to hear work went well Aint