The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

I've had my first CBT session today and I'm feeling positive. Over the next 3 weeks I've got to keep a list of all the worries I have and the associated level of anxiety. This is so we can determine the route cause/reason for the worry.
From the discussion we had today we are considering that the foundations of my worries are due to uncertainty on the grounds of me having no control over certain situations.
This does seem to fit when I think about it.

@velmadinkly Glad you are having a positive day and had a good first session.

Another interesting read on OCD - www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/item/f823f035-d60b-42d3-8782-fc0f9da8d3be

Hope everyone has a nice weekend.

married thank you for finding that. Yes, it explains thought OCD very clearly.
Ironically, my thought/concern over not loving DH has now started to abate which the therapist thinks is due to me subconsciously and unknowingly going through cognitive reconditioning, but my OCD/worry thought about ingesting germs has kicked in again.
I ended up buying a bottle of water yesterday because my finger touched the mouthpiece of my refillable bottle before I had chance to wash my hands after doing my gym class.
I also ended up researching campylobacter after my chicken wasn't hot when we ate out last night.

Hello everyone just to say I'm back on the thread having been away on a residential psychology course. If anyone wants to know more please pm me but I can't put the details on the thread. However it was amazing❤️
Welcome to all new posters. I haven't had any chance to read through recent posts properly but can see there is lively discussion which is lovely to see.
I wish everyone in the thread peace and healing, and answers to their difficulties. You are all very strong.

The dodging anxiety is bubbling away today and I feel as though I'm on the precipice of tipping over the edge.
I've slipped into ruminating and analysing my thoughts about DH. I'm anxious if we aren't talking and I'm anxious if we are or if he wants a hug.
I can't bloody win today.

How would I list this as a worry on my worry chart? Do I just put one long worry about DH?

Hi everyone, I'm not sure if you are all still reading and just not posting?

I'm struggling again, the Intrusive thought has kicked in again. I'm practicing to not react to it. The more I read up on it, I do think I've got OCD, particularly relationship OCD. I'm collating my worry list for my therapist, but I've realised my general worries don't particularly bother me to the degree that the intrusive thought does. The intrusive thought has altered more towards I can't trust my feelings and thoughts rather than a straight out, 'I don't love you'.

The general anxiety is always there as well with the main symptom being an irritated stomach and bowel and a general feeling of jittering. I'm practicing more breathing meditation.

Hi @velmadinkly ! I'm still reading. Glad you're writing all these things down for your meeting, that's a really good plan.

Sorry you're struggling at the minute. It's always a good thing to at least recognise when you're finding things hard. The more knowledge we have around our own anxieties (OCD and depression) the more we can control it. That's how I feel anyway. My anxiety no longer makes me feel like I'm dying, I can manage it better, as I've thought about it all so much and understand it a little more.

I think I have intrusive thoughts. I never really thought about it, but hearing other people on here mention it, I think I do. In the shower the other day I thought about how my Dad could push my DD in the trolley at the supermarket (we are visiting them at the moment). But then I thought, what happens if he takes his eyes off her for a minute, to grab some food, and then someone takes her, and rapes her and leaves her in the changing rooms or something.

But......luckily for me.....I'm able to switch my thought straight away. I've thought about it since, but I didn't really linger on the thought. But I do know that these thoughts aren't really normal. So going to have to try and do something.

Hope you feel less jittery soon.

This evening (7pm) I was thinking how my anxiety had been good for a couple of days. I was feeling really optimistic.

Fast forward to now - I've woken twice with awful anxiety, literally whole body shaking again. And I know that for the next few hours I will (hopefully) fall asleep, but will keep waking with anxiety constantly.

Sometimes I wish anxiety would give me a break. Rant over!!

Hi velma, am still reading, agree the thread loses its flow sometimes, I think it's just the nature of the thread.
Sorry to hear your thoughts are bothering you again, it's a difficult balance between avoiding or suppressing them and allowing but not getting caught up in them. Does mindfulness help you or do you tend to get a lot of intrusive thoughts then?
Married sorry to hear about your rough night, that is awful.
I am trying to live my life more fully, and practise meditations, and believe in myself a bit more. Slowly getting there. I had an anxious day yesterday out of the blue , or so it seemed, but when I paid attention there were some issues in the background causing it.
I have been to the doctor today with a health scare and have been referred to a specialist so calmer now.
Love and best wishes for peace to all

How are you feeling today @velmadinkly ??

I had one question for everyone on here - how do your family members react to your anxiety (OCD, depression etc).

For me personally, my DH suffers from anxiety too, also as a result of the birth of our DD. He has so much patience and understanding for me. But I barely give him the same support. I feel very frustrated when he says he can't take DD to somewhere in particular as he's anxious. I should be the most understanding person as I know how he feels, but I know I'm not. Strange isn't it. I definitely need to work on it.

Hi all, I'm much better today. I did a 10 minute breathing mindfulness meditation this morning and I'll do one later today.

I did more research and I do think it's ROCD and the way to overvome it is ERP and and just not engaging with the thought.

I'm still writing my worries down, but I'm going to tell the counsellor my thoughts about OCD when I next see him.

I'm also considering going to the hypnotherapy to see if she can help with the non engagement of the thought.

Married- I don't confide much , just have told my family am under work stress.
Velma- it's good you are having a better day. When do you see your therapist again?

There is some lack of flow in the posts/ thread, obviously we don't all feel like posting if we are preoccupied and having a bad day, it's the nature of a mental health thread, but there often is no response to previous comments or questions at the moment, maybe that would help a bit.

Married- it's well known research wise that we all have bizarre, weird, non sensible thoughts like ' am I going to push someone off that cliff etc' but that we disregard them and carry on, while in OCD , whether due to high moral,code, or other reason, they are paid attention to and no disregarded in the same way. So it's normal to have the thoughts.

Hi, can I come and join you? I haven’t had a chance to read much of the recent posts but was following the thread for a while.
My situation is I made the decision to separate from my husband 4 months a go. Spent the previous 12 months getting myself together mentally for that to happen. Best decision I’ve ever made!
We had been together for nearly 21 years since we were 17. This year I have been totally plagued with anxiety. I think I always had it but unknowingly managed it. I coped because I knew what was happening and could control it.
I’m in a very new relationship with someone who is lovely. He has not made me feel insecure at all. He’s done everything right.
But today I’m sat here, not managing to hold back the tears. I feel insecure and a mess of incompetency. I want to enjoy how good my life is at the moment but I can’t and I’m so annoyed with myself.

My Dad and DH knows about my anxiety and intrusive thought. My DH sees the full impact of it, the distress, tears, confusion and tiredness etc. He is brilliant with me. My Dad asks how I'm doing, but doesn't have an anxious mentality, so tries to empathise as best he can.
My boss at work is also great, which helps loads.

married intrusive thoughts are normal it's the ones that you latch onto that cause anxiety and distress that are the ones to be concerned about. So the one about me not loving my husband caught me totally off guard and I panicked big time to the point it caused me to personalise and I fell into the trap of trying to 'work it out' and to analyse why I had the thought. This has then fed the thought so it now creates fear and anxiety when it gets a grip of me.
I'm now trying to not engage with the compulsion to think about it when I have it and over time I hope it dwindles away.

purple don't be annoyed with yourself. You've gone through a lot.

Do you feel anxious or is it tears of relief or worry etc?

aint I go back to see the counsellor at the end of the month, so 3 weeks between the appointments. I keep thinking I could possibly be sorted of further down the road to recovery if I saw the hypnotherapy.

Hmm, decisions to be made.

Hi all,

May I join? I have had quite awful anxiety since having a baby 4 years ago. The GP wasn't all that fussed or concerned about PND but I started to develop a sensitivity to specific noises.

Last week I had an awful panic attack because of a dog barking. I live on an estate and I need to get a grip because I am so anxious that I want to move house. But the neighbours are not noisy. They are just normal families!

Have spoken to the GP who advised to take St Johns Wort, do mindfulness activities and buy ear plugs. Which I have done! I am feeling a bit better and more able to cope. But I have spent every day for the past few weeks sobbing.

I can't stop worrying, I am so so tearful and feel palpitations in my chest.

Sorry for blabbering! I didn't know where to start with introducing my woes!

Me again I forgot to mention that I have had CBT and I write down lists of stuff that makes me anxious. DH often says "you've written the same thing in 6 different ways!"

I never used to have noise sensitivity. I've always lived in cities. In flats! And never gave a tuppence about neighbourly noise before.

My anxiety / stress has recently been a factor in worrying weight loss and stomach ulcers. I have been quite ill. I am also concerned that DS will pick up on it and I try to hide my trembling and tears from him.

Moving house would certainly help but we tried recently to sell and the stress from that alone made me so poorly I ended up in hospital. I'm reluctant to try again for a few years (I sound pathetic but something somewhere is triggering me to feel like this and I must crush it & win!)

Hi everyone. I haven't been on the thread for a while as I've been busy moving out of the family home and into my own flat (it's temporary accommodation). The flat is ok, it's nice and clean. Not too keen on the area though. I feel really proud of myself for managing to move out and look after myself and walk the long walk back to my old flat to see my children every day.

My CPN has left and I've not been given a replacement yet. I feel a bit let down by this as I feel I'm quite a vulnerable adult now that I'm living on my own. So I'll just have to wait and see.

I'm taking my DS for a haircut tomorrow which I'm also proud of myself for as in the past I would have been too scared to take him. I will take him to a shop to buy a sweetie afterwards which he is looking forward to.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Velma I’m in that ‘don’t really know’ phase. Which is the one that gets me every time. I’m teary as I hate being like this. And I’m getting better as it’s spacing out. But I should be happy and not worrying over nothing.

purple my recommendation is to try doing mindfulness meditation of some sort to help with the general anxiety. I use breathing meditations as I find this helps with the feeling of jitteriness inside I get.

Also, write your worries down and then tell yourself you will worry about them at X time for X amount of time. This should help break the worry/anxiety cycle. You might find that lots of your worries are hypothetical worries rather than practical worries.

Hi calm it sounds as though you are moving in the right direction, well done. I hope tomorrow goes well for you.

Hi calm well done on the house move, you have coped with all of this so well. I hope you enjoy taking your son for his haircut tomorrow and to the shop :)