The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

I've already had a bad morning. I've ended up crying on DH. I've verbalised all my thoughts and told him the things I've recently posted on here. I feel better from having the cry.
I take in the role of problem solver, even the therapist said so on Tuesday and I suppose that is the major contributor to the anxiety.
Even though I've just told DH that I'm scared that the thought is true even though all evidence says that obsessive thoughts are untrue that's why they are distressing, I've still got the 'what if?'. About 5 minutes after saying all this we were laid on the bed and I had an urge to tell him that I loved him and I told him that I had, but I daren't say it. I told him it's like I'm in an abusive relationship with myself.
Anyway, I feel better from the outpouring and we are going walking today.

married from your explanation I can totally understand why you get anxious if you wake unexpectedly. Try and have a rest today.

Thanks Velma. I'm planning on having an easy couple of days with DD this week. I'm not planning on putting myself in mega-stressful situations. As we've just got back from holiday, I've been used to help with DD from DH and my parents. So going to ease myself back in gently. I know I'm very fortunate to be able to do this, luckily I'm a SAHM so can take a rest, instead of juggling work as well as everything else.

Morning all.
Velma - yes it's the ' OCD bully' demanding if you are sure you don't doubt yourself.
Married - sorry you didn't sleep. I slept but had a nightmare.

Hi. I'd like to join. I've got PND, which has manifested itself as anxiety (and rage) this time around. I was doing OK with coping but am now at a point where I think I need meds to help deal with it. Planning to see GP soon, but it's hard fitting that in as I'm a SAHM with three small children (5 and under) and I home educate our eldest.

I've started going along to a PND support group, so hopefully that will help me.

Right now I have that panicky feeling in my chest. I need it to go away. Does anyone have any suggestions for what I can try? DH is great - does whatever he can to help me feel better - but today it feels overwhelming.

Sorry so many of you haven't slept very well. You would think anxiety could bugger off for a least a few hours so you could rest. It's all so much easier to cope with after a good sleep.

Do you take medication ?

Yes, OCD is the doubting disease. It's a shit if an illness especially because the thought version is always something that goes against everything you normally believe which makes it distressing.

ineed no, I don't take any medication. It's my personal preference not to take any, that's not to say I never will.

Velma, totally understand choosing not to take medication. I chose not to for 21 years. It was only during a particularly bad time 7 yrs ago that I caved in and started. It was the right thing for me at the time for sure.

Kiwi. The tight chest is horrible isn't it. I use distraction for mine in the hope that it goes away..but I know with young kids that might be harder. Hope the GP can help, you need to make time to go.

I don't take any medication at the minute. I can live with my anxiety and OCD as they are, but it doesn't mean that I wouldn't consider medication in the future.

INeedToEat - I'm so sorry to hear about your recent health diagnosis.

With regards to your anxiety, you might find that with an illness, your anxiety is less than when you were worrying about getting one. It's the kind of silly way anxiety can work sometimes isn't it. I hope you continue to do well.

It sounds like you've learnt a lot about your anxiety and how you can manage it. I'm sure you'll have a few tools to help you, and you'll be able to recognise and be prepared for any changes in your anxiety. Take care, and my first paragraph isn't meant to sound jokey, I'm being very serious. It's so difficult to show tone sometimes.

Thanks Married. It really sucks. It's all currently very new to me and I'm trying not to panic..its possible my quility of life could be drastically reduced. It's working mostly so far and I feel relatively calm.

OCD sounds difficult to manage with the intrusive thoughts.

Hi I'd like to join, I've been taking AD for 7 1/2 years, started feeling better so with doctors help in march started to ween myself off them, end of July I had a major panic attack, I went back on AD and propolanol. I'm still having daily panic attacks, went back to the doctors today and she suggested maybe upping my citlitopram to 40mg, I just feel scared and exhausted all the time.

Hi all and welcome molly

I started a bit wobbly yesterday, was much better by the afternoon. I slept really well and woke at 5, dozed for 30 mins that last remember looking at the time at 5.30. I woke with my alarm at 6.45 and for a bout a minute I had a conscious feeling that I felt really calm, it was absolute bliss.

Something odd happened this morning on the way to work that confirmed the theory of random thoughts popping into your head. As I was walking I saw a really large white mushroom/toadstool on the grass verge with a fallen over black decaying one at the side of it. My thought process went along the lines of, big white mushroom, black dead mushroom, pick the white one, feel it then eat it, no, it could be poisonous. I've never really noticed my random thoughts before.

I remember when I had The thought about not loving DH, I was looking at his face and he looked as though he was scowling and then the thought popped into my head and in a flash the fear hit. Could it have been my brain associated the scowl with meaning not liking something and it linked it to 'I don't love you'?

Brains are very strange things aren't they?

At the moment I'm feeling much better and I'm bubbling away at about 2/10 on the anxiety level.

Hello everyone. I've decided to stop taking my olanzapine because I just feel so fat and I really want to lose some weight. But when I stop taking the olanzapine I get the return of my tea time anxiety attacks. I've bought some chamomile tablets and I've taken two today. Chamomile tea helps my anxiety so I hope the tablets help me. I'm also gonna get some lavender oil capsules, I've seen that asda do them so I will get some delivered with my food shop on Friday. I've also started reading my Overcoming Anxiety book again. Hoping to beat this anxiety without meds.

I'm on the homeless list with the council. I have to phone up every morning at half past eight and then wait to see if they phone me back with an offer of temporary accommodation. It's been a week so far that I've been doing this and no word yet of any accommodation for me. I'll just have to be patient. I've asked my now ex-partner if he wanted to try to make things work and stay together but he doesn't want to. So I'll be moving out, no idea when though.

I hope everyone is doing ok today.

Hi Calm, I can't really say anything to help but remember I'm thinking of you.

I've had an ok day up until I've come home and instead if just being, I'm analysing my feelings as a result if getting a spike in the fear when I saw DH. I know think it's a learnt response.

When I was walking home I was thinking about the day and thoughts of DH popped into my head and I still felt fine, as soon as I walked through the door the fear hit and the analysing started. I can't wait until the therapy starts. I want my old life back or at least have this one topic change to something else.
I'm seriously considering running the hypnotherapy alongside the talk therapy. I fear the longer it goes on my relationship will be irreparably damaged and then I'll be bereft and annoyed with myself.

Hi everyone.

It has been a better day today after 3 miserable ones. The anxiety is still sitting there being annoying, but at least I didn't yell at the children today. Managed to do some nice things with them and even left the house for a play, which was nice.

Will be calling the GP tomorrow to talk about PND and anxiety. We can only book same-day appointments, which is very irritating. It makes it hard to find someone to look after the children, but my friend is home all day tomorrow so is happy to have them whenever I get an appointment.

calm Have you tried lemon balm? I find taking a tea of this helps calm the anxiety (a bit), especially if I drink it while using some lavender essential oils on an oil burner.

No I haven't tried lemon balm, I will have a look for some to try.

Hello everyone.

I feel like I'm in a real rut this week - anxious whilst driving today, felt so overwhelmed. Then after going on the treadmill this evening, felt dizzy due to movement, and bang, anxiety again. It's stayed with me all evening. I haven't been able to relax, just going to bed to hopefully reset.

When I don't have anxiety, I'm worrying that I will get it, and when I do have it, I suffer with it. I can't wait for days (I have the odd day) where I don't even think about it.

Trying to take my DD out this week (I'm a SAHM) but lacking energy like mad. Managed painting, feeding the ducks and a quick supermarket shop, but have really struggled through today.

Tomorrow is a new day........

Married 'when I don't have anxiety, I'm worrying that I will get it, and when I do have it, I suffer with it' ...thats exactly it ! Vicious cycle that feels Never ending. Sorry you are having such a RUBBISH week.

married i too am in total agreement with you. I'm having a good day and I feel positive, but with an under lying fear that one little trigger could set me off.

I hope everyone is managing well today.

I had another anxiety-driven night last night. Possibly due to drinking caffeine in the evening, I should've known better!

Hope you're feeling better today, Married.

I went to the GP yesterday to talk about my PND & anxiety, and today had bloods taken to rule out low iron, thyroid/liver/kidney issues, etcg getting meds, before . He also referred me for counselling. I was settling in the for the long wait but got a call yesterday with an appointment to see a psychiatrist for assessment on Tuesday. So I guess that's not precisely counselling. I've never seen a psychiatrist before, just counsellors. Will be interesting to see if it's different.

That was some super successful sentence editing...

"to rule out issues before getting meds"!

My obsessive thought seems to have dissipated for the past 1.5 days. I've still got that kind of bewildered and strange feeling going on, but overall I'm much more calm.

I don't quite know why or what I've done for it to go. It does kind of pop up in my head, but my head has been disregarding it.

Strange, very strange.

I'm a bit concerned now that when I go for my counselling a week tomorrow I'll not have my obsessive thought so we won't have anything to work on.

We'll done for seeing the go Grouchy snd wow a quick turnaround for an appointment. I bet the psychiatrist is to provide a diagnosis rather than an anecdotal diagnosis that counsellors give.