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The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

896 replies

Aintgotnosoapbox · 14/07/2017 00:39

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

OP posts:
LoveMySituation · 16/09/2017 18:21

Bloody hell strong, are you me?! That's how I feel, I almost escaped from the person who treated me that way. Now due to circumstances I haven't been able to, and he now has my son, It's like all the healed(mostly) wounds are being picked again over and over. It's shit isn't it. They can't win. We can't let them. But sometimes its so hard to find that determination

LoveMySituation · 16/09/2017 18:43

Ain't, I agree, I'm sure that not working makes things worse, but I also live in the middle of nowhere, I had a job last year, but they didn't need us any more, and by the end I was so tired I'm scared that would happen again. Taken my first lavender capsule, they have good reviews, so hopefully it helps. Repeats a bitlot though!

Velma, that's great about the dancing, and that you have good friends there. What type of dancing is it?

I've been posting a lot on the 80s thread, and the song this thread keeps making me think of is Things can only get better by Howard Jones
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?q=www.songfacts.com/detail.php%3Fid%3D24680&sa=U&ved=0ahUKEwjn4daXn6rWAhVjFMAKHejoCTsQFghGMAw&usg=AFQjCNEqkPtApj-uRnfFmJ_7WPB8tp645A" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here (Added the songfacts page to explain it better)

velmadinkly · 16/09/2017 19:49

love it's not me dancing It's DD. I just sit in the corridor chatting to a few other mum's who have over the years becomes very dear and close friends.
I would love to dance though, but if I join the ladies dance troupe I have to do the shows which would mean I would miss watching DD dance which I'm not willing to sacrifice.
DD has said that when she dances it makes her body happy Grin

strongasmeringue · 16/09/2017 20:08

LMS - it's my dh who's hurt me now.

LoveMySituation · 16/09/2017 20:33

Strong, I realised that my ex was very similar to my father in lots of ways. We're trained into these patterns that feel familiar. Once your eyes are opened, there's no going back. You deserve better

strongasmeringue · 16/09/2017 20:58

I can't leave him. He's made one mistake in over 20 years. I'm sure I've made loads more. Just what he's done has made me ill.

velmadinkly · 17/09/2017 10:23

strong have you opened up to your DP about what he has done and how it has made you feel.
I'm not anyway saying my situation is the same as yours, but once I really opened up to DH last week the under lying guilt I was carrying due to my thoughts started to lift.
If you haven't told your DP maybe consider doing this. Remember first and foremost you need to look after yourself and if your DP really cares they will want to try and help.

strongasmeringue · 17/09/2017 13:00

He knows what he's done and how it makes me feel. He feels as he can't change it and he's said sorry I need to move on. It's complicated but I can't move on and knowing I'm now ill because of it just makes me feel hopeless.

LoveMySituation · 17/09/2017 14:47

Strong, I don't know your situation, but it sounds like you need to decide if you can forgive him or not, and move on from there

strongasmeringue · 17/09/2017 14:53

TBH I feel like I don't know my own mind anymore and I don't know what is okay to think. Lately I've been asking his opinion on pretty much everything. Not like me at all.

I'm very grateful for your posts Flowers.

LoveMySituation · 17/09/2017 15:11

Have you thought about asking your GP for some CBT to build your confidence? If you were in a position to trust/know your mind, that might help

strongasmeringue · 17/09/2017 15:28

I saw the GP for something unrelated a few weeks ago and told her what had been happening, she insisted she refer me to someone to talk too and they bumped me straight up to someone more intensive. I'm starting that therapy this week after two assessments. I've got a diagnosis of three things wrong but I don't know which of my issues is causing the problems. I realise that makes me sound stupid but I'm finding that part of things really difficult.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 17/09/2017 16:33

Strong- maybe in this course of therapy they will be able to reassess what's wrong- though ime that's usually a psychiatrists call rather than a therapist who usually work more with symptoms, problems and a formulation. If you wish to post what the things are, we may be able to help sort out some of your thoughts.

OP posts:
strongasmeringue · 17/09/2017 17:32

The person I'm seeing is a psychological therapist. I've been diagnosed with moderate to severe depression, moderate symptoms of anxiety and moderate to severe levels of psychological distress. When I told her I was exhausted and I felt some was due to the emotions I'm going through she said she might be able to help me with that. I have six sessions starting this week.

calmday · 17/09/2017 18:55

Hi everyone. Strong I hope your sessions help you Flowers

I'm not feeling so great today. Anxiety is back. Low mood as well. I had a conversation over text message with my mum, I told her that I was disappointed that they haven't supported me during my separation from my partner. My parents won't even let me stay for one night to help us out. They just say "we're not willing to be your carer". I pointed out that I'm not I'll enough to need a carer any more, I also pointed out that if one of my sisters needed somewhere to stay they'd let them stay. My mum texted back that we should have a break from communication with each other. So I'm no longer speaking to them. They don't really care about me or the children so it's for the best.

I'm trying to stop smoking again. I have a nicotine lozenge in my mouth just now. I stopped for two days but then started again. I find it really hard.

I hope everyone is ok.

strongasmeringue · 17/09/2017 19:36

I miss sorry to hear your mother has let you down, calmday. Mine abandoned me when a baby and its shit. Don't give her any more head space. You've made your decision and it's the right one.

The best thing you can do for your self is to stay not smoking. You will be so much healthier, and wealthier, and you are strong enough to not go back to cigarettes.

LoveMySituation · 17/09/2017 20:34

Strong and Calm, I hope you feel better, I know what it's like to have parents like that. I'm waiting for my son to grow up then I can go NC with my father, had a run in with him yesterday. It's a fight to even get him to treat me well. Makes me so angry. You're right though calm, It's their choice. They need consequences for a change.

strongasmeringue · 17/09/2017 21:21

LMS, if you need to go NC with your father, why wait? If he's not a good thing in your life he certainly isn't a good thing in your son's.

LoveMySituation · 17/09/2017 21:32

Because my son lives with him, so my abusive past with him is my present, which makes it all so much harder. Plus my son thinks he's great, and hates me as I don't get on with my dad. Never have, he's always been controlling

strongasmeringue · 18/09/2017 08:15

Does your son know what your father has done to you? It must be so difficult to let your son live with someone who causes you pain. Is there no way you can rectify this situation? Sad.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/09/2017 10:17

Morning all. Seeing my psychologist today.
My dh shouted at me at the dinner table last night, made me feel really small and hurt. Especially as I was just serving dinner I had cooked for everyone!

OP posts:
strongasmeringue · 18/09/2017 16:23

Aintgot.. - how was your appointment? Did you discuss the arse you live with? Please talk to him about his unacceptable actions.

LoveMySituation · 18/09/2017 18:19

He doesn't believe me, my dad is seen as a saint by everyone apart from me. He's a lot nicer to my son than he is to me. And like my dad, he blames me for everything, Its simple to him, I'm bad, GD good. He won't talk about anything, just like my dad. As my son is almost 13, he is free to see who he wants. This doesn't include me at the moment. For reasons I'm not sure of, apart from not liking that I don't get on with my dad. I was brought up by my dad when my mum went to uni when I was 5 so let's just say watching him bring him up(or not, he treats him like an adult) the way he did me, is like torture. So I end up wishing my life away

strongasmeringue · 18/09/2017 19:10

Have you asked your son why you'd lie about your father? What you get out of it?

LoveMySituation · 18/09/2017 19:20

It's difficult as he ignores all my attempts , and if I go round, he has friends round constantly, or he yells at me for being there and ruining some non existent plans that he hadn't made yet, but would have if he'd known I was coming round. Or he just ignores until I leave