The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

calm ask and take all help you can.

I don't know if anybody has read the book by Dr. Claire Weekes called Self Help for your nerves, but I read it yesterday and bit has it really resonated with me. It was written in the early 60's so does use some out dated language, but boy does it hit the nail on the head. It explains where and how anxiety comes from.
There is a section on obsessions, one of which is obsessive thought and i could have just replaced the example she uses with my obsessive thought.
It also describes in detail how anxiety develops through trauma, depression and loss etc and explains how it can spiral. I felt like crying because it explained me, so I'm going to get DH to read it.
I think from our talk he understands a bit more, but this is so detailed.
When I read about obsessive thought it also explains how they come about and confirms that the initial thought might not be real, but the more you think it the more you believe it.
The book also explains how to overcome and deal with anxiety and it us what mindfulness is based on nowadays.
I've also had a response back from the psychologist and she has free appointments from next week, so it's just a matter of finding one I can get to.
I'm quietly hoping I'm now on the path to recovery.

Glad to hear that Velma :)

Hi everyone. Calm - hope you get the help you and the family need. Velma good to hear you found something that resonates for you, it's so important and helps with the "not feeling so weird"

Aint you make great sense about how hiding things just make them more of a problem. Funnily enough I was saying exactly the same to my DDs in the car last night -as they were trapped so had to listen-
when I was growing up I had crippling anxiety, didn't realise it, no-one mentioned it to me, I hid it, felt weird, abnormal, it created more and more problems for me in terms of social and other interactions, a cycle of issues ensued...whereas if it had been talked about, if I'd known the feelings I had were someway normal, maybe there wouldn't have been as much shame and worry and feeling utterly alienated and bewildered. Who knows. But, as the catchphrase goes...it IS good to talk and I am glad there is more openness and acceptance around these days. I think teenagers these days have a tough time of it with social and media pressures, school etc as well as the added social media stuff so the more help for them the better

meanwhile, I am very up and down. Find myself getting very irritated at my teenage daughter as she does her teeange daughtery things, taking things personally that I need not to etc etc etc the tears are coming very easy these days and I suspect I am driving her mad!

Myself and DP are also going through a bit of a rough patch, he is feeling very confused and up and down too so I am trying to be supportive while minding my boundaries and making sure I don't get pulled down too, I'm finding that hard. He is usually my rock but things have been tricky recently and he is finding it hard.

Today is one of those days I wish things were different. I know we all have them. And we have to get through them. And accept who we and where we are. But its bloody hard some days.

to us all

calendula you're damned right anxiety us difficult. In the book I mentioned above it has a section about anxiety in the housewife and it talks about getting out if the role and to go off and do nice things instead. I sat there and thought how lovely that would be to not have to deal with the things I don't want to deal with, but everyone is pressured as shown in your explanation about your DP, so we just have to muddle through the best we can.
I personally think that that is why anxiety and general mental health issues are more prevalent, everything is just so full on all the time and thr option of just jacking it in for a few months to 'rest the nerves' is not an option.

Yes, to us all.

Remember we aren't weird, according to Dr Weekes we are just sensitized. Well, put it this way, if we are all weird, we are weird together.

Just adding myself to this thread, as a fellow anxiety sufferer. For me i would say it's been very long term, but I've only recently come to understand that it's not normal to be in fear all the time (well it is normal in my family). It's a shitty, insiduous condition.

Morning campers :)
Welcome to the thread Lucky ☺️

Cal - it sounds like you are having extra stresses at the moment. Can you take some time to yourself , walking or meditation or anything you find helpful?. I hope today is better - How are you today?

I have signed for the full Headspace pack for the year now and have just listened to the basics in week two, and also started the self esteem meditation pack. I hope this will help, I do feel calm when I have ' checked in with myself' .

And yes to if so we are all weird together- and would add :
intelligent, sensitive, caring

I've had a difficult morning of about 2.5hours of intrusive thought. I walked to work to try and accept but ignore the thoughts and as usual in the 'come down' the mental exhaustion hit and I became all tearful.
I promptly walked into the office, took some tissues and went into a quiet room and did some mindfulness meditation.
I feel much calmer, but I could just crawl back into bed and sleep.
I had another break through last night in that the thoughts that can become intrusive thoughts are so resonant because they are the total opposite of your core values and that is why they strike fear in you if you let them.
On the way to work to help me ignore the thoughts I listened to music and a particular song started the tears because I had the realisation that I don't want to be without DH.
I've confirmed my appointment with the psychologist/hypnotherapist and I go a week on Friday.

Hi Velma, glad the mindfulness helped. I find being in the present moment refreshes me.

welcome Lucky - Aint - yes to intelligent sensitive caring too (lucky us !!!) - anyone read anything about "Highly SEnsitive People" ? I reckon that has a lot to do with feeling so intensely...

Velma glad the mindfulness helped. I've been using some self compassion mindful techniques I picked up from Kristin Neff recently a LOT. And I do find they help, just to get me back grounded in the moment, whatever it is that made me anxious/upset/overwhelmed is still there, how could it not be, but so am I. REALLY there. Not floating around in a elevated state of anxiety in my head.

I talked to my counsellor recently about a couple of instances when I felt I had been a less than perfect mum, not able to fix all the problems for my girls, showing them my emotions, even "overeacting" to situations as I saw it at the time...which of course I then used as a big stick to beat myself with. She said to me it sounded like I did great, like I was REALLY THERE and my reactions were REAL and that what more could I do than be real with my girls and model for them an emotionally open, honest response. Gosh it really gave me a new perspective. Not to say I think it'd be useful if they saw me in tears all the time but I guess she is right. Probably quite a few of our "problems" (well mine anyway) come from growing up in a traditional, emotionally repressed environment where I wasn't taught or encouraged to acknowledge that I had feelings or emotions at all. Certainly not awkward, difficult or messy ones.

Wishing everyone a Good Enough day today

Cal - are you watching the LK meditations on YouTube ? I am going on a MSC residential course soon, taught by people trained by Kristen Neff .

Sorry, self compassion I meant , not loving kindness.

Aint - I've got her book on SelfCompassion on Audio book so I listen to it (in the bath, in the car when I am waiting etc) and there are a number of great practices on there. I will check her out on youtube. Lucky you going on a residential. What's MSC?

Cal - mindful self compassion :)
I have the book on my kindle/ phone but haven't read much yet as I am reading a similar one by Germer.
I saw my psychologist today. A very hard session, but I trust her. She really cares and is very well trained. I am finding it easier to be open and slowly, to get more to the emotions. I'll get there one day.

Hope everyone else is ok tonight , sleep well xx

MSC - of course!!! that sounds great Aint. I hope you enjoy it. I'm off to counsellor this morning, then a meeting about a project I am starting up that I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed by. I keep doing this - starting projects, getting (miniscule!) funding, then getting all anxious and overwhelmed and agonising far more than is worth it. I need to stop this pattern. Somehow.

I enjoy ELizabeth Gilbert's talk in the online MSC ( ) seminar but found the others on day 1 too much like hard work. WIll dip in agan today later

Checking back in as I've been absent for a while. I've had quite a bit of a dip and am struggling again. I think it's partly due to issues with my fluoxetine - I've not been taking them properly for a little while as I've just been forgetting. I've also just gone back to work and already it feels like I had an insurmountable work list, despite being in early every morning (around 6-7am) and then leaving at home 5pm everyday. So much of my role involves admin which for 900 students ends up being an incredible amount and yet I'm not given time to sort any of it and have actually lost time since being back to deal with someone else's screw up.

I've also started binge eating again. I just feel like I'm really struggling but the last time I went to the doctors I was basically dismissed as all my symptoms being part of the depression. Which I was aware of as it's obvious but wanted not to be made to feel like a giant time waster. I've never had heart palpertations, extreme exhaustion and issues with my sight before. These don't feel like normal symptoms and yet apparently they are so suck it up basically

I'm still waiting to hear about my CBT as well - I phoned to ask about waiting times etc but didn't get a reply so have emailed this morning. I know I've gotten bad again as I thought this morning about hurting myself which I haven't thought about for such a long time.

This all sounds so whiny and miserable and I'm so sorry but I think this is the only place where I can actually say everything and not panic about how others will treat me. I just feel so low.

Hi checked, sorry to hear things are difficult right now. It sounds as if work is a stressor , is there anything you can do to manage the workload? Have you tried mindfulness on headspace- the first ten 10 minute meditations are free and you can re listen to them. I find them refreshing. There are also website such as MIND, getselfhelp, livelifetothefull, No panic, as well as what are called ' prescription books you can get from the Dr and from Amazon in the ' Overcoming' series, eg Overcoming anxiety. Please post on here for support. Also, next time try a different GP , not all have the communication skills we would like.

I am a bit tearful today post counselling. But someone up has ' got my back', and it's a journey I'm committed to. Headspace for me today to hopefully settle me down, then study.

Hope you all have a good morning, brave people ❤️

checked and aint sorry you are having a hard time if it today. Remember, this is only today and tomorrow is a new day.

I'm certainly testament to that. Yesterday was absolutely shocking compared to my days of late, yet today I can see glimmers of normality and happiness. Yes, I did have the anxious feeling in my stomach, but I faced it, accepted it and floated past as well as reminding and imagining how I want to be with DH. This is what DR. Weekes advises and it's the route I'm going down at the moment.

Apologies as I can't focus and concentrate to read six pages. I think this is a support thread and if so, would someone be so kind as to Read my post on MH? I just want to feel less alone for a minute.

strong I can't see it find your post.

I had a good day yesterday but I'm less so today. It's the rollercoaster of feelings and emotions that is making it more difficult.

The thought popped into my head as soon as I was awake and I've struggled all morning in keeping it in check. I'm not necessarily thinking it, but I'm busy analysing my thoughts and feelings around the thought. However, I'm thankful I'm not in full blown panic like I was on Tuesday.
I'm looking forward to the hypnotherapy next Friday. I'm hoping that I'll get more control over thoughts so that I can see clearly what the current situation is, options of movement and how to get there. I told the therapist that I want to build my mental resilience. I currently wish i could just go into a deep coma or something and wake up and it all be fixed.
Yesterday I was having much more positive feelings about DH and our relationship and that made me feel more myself and mire content and relaxed. Today the analysis of my feelings is allowing the anxiety to bubble away.
I'm also noticing that my anxiety level is very much aligned with the general interaction with DH. I feel my anxiety building if DH does more than I feel capable of, such as a kiss or a hug lasting longer than i can cope with, but i feel bad pulling away; or if he seems to disregard me, such as not explicitly saying goodbye as he leaves for the day.
I think I'm going to take myself off to do some meditation.

Oh, and how is everyone else doing today?

Hi velma and everyone else. I'm doing fine today. I've got an appointment on the 26th of September with the council's housing team to discuss my options for accommodation. Which means I'll still be here for the next couple of weeks. Which is fine I suppose.

I've ordered some magnesium tablets to help with my mental health. They will arrive tomorrow. Do I remember you started magnesium velma? How are you getting on with them?

I've also stopped smoking. I haven't had a cigarette since yesterday at about 4pm. So I'm doing well.

I hope everyone is fine today.

Hi Calm, yes I did 2x400mg if magnesium citrate on an evening. I'm not sure as yet whether it helps.
My research has said that magnesium glycinate has more of a calming effect, but the citrate is general all rounder and the type that is normally found in health food shops.
It looks as though you've got a plan in place, so I hope everything is as smooth as possible for you.
The day has got better for me and I feel more in control.

Oh and we'll done on stopping smoking, but don't try to over do it. You've got a lot on your plate at the moment so if the odd cig or two helps you stay in control then so be it.
Remember, baby steps

Sorry if this has been mentioned before, but I'm reading a brilliant book called Depressive Illness - Curse of the Strong ... it's the first book I've read that has really helped me understand how depression and anxiety strike and why certain people are more likely to have it. There's very sensible advice- plus it's funny and easy to read which is a must for me as I can't concentrate on anything for more than five minutes! Just wanted to share...