The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

60% of days not good days..i wish it was 60% good days:/ iv also got full blown fibromyalgia,so that certainly isnt helping..well my daughter has come in and said it was good but untill she has spoke to all her mates on the phone about it,i won't get any proper answers..i just want to say to het iv been waiting alllllll day to hear ur ok and how u got on,mummy needs answers..was NOT allowed to kiss goodbye either this morning:(

Calendula and horris, thank you. Yes, I am here because of my son. It's actually my father who's being like this, though I had the abusive ex too! I keep telling myself I can cope with it, but sometimes I can't

I cant love myself. The guilt, shame, self hatred that has come from this situation is too much for that. I didn't have much before.

Lovemysituation..pls think every morning that u are a strong women,that uv got this..im also going though the courts agaist someone i loved,but luckly got away from,and everyday i HAVE to say "girl uv got this" aswell as telling shirley to piss off(name for my anxiety) i know its a stuggle every single bloody day,but only thing that gets me though it all are my kids..i had no one growing up to watch my back,so i have to make sure i put that smile on and watch thier backs..i hope this site helps u in some way,even if its a little help..i know it has me..when i feel shit,i come here and rant and think of all the women that are reading it and mayb just listening to me a tiny bit..i wish u all the luck in the way x

I don't love myself either, or trust I can do my job, etc, in fact I think of myself as ' nothing' and ' noone' .
But my therapist has gently pointed out that I Feel like that because of me having to be the parent in later childhood and adolescence, and lacking a reassuring ,loving, connected ,parent. So since no one took care of me, I don't care about myself. To the extent I can become vulnerable.
So part of my challenge to get better is self affirm, and try to value and love myself. It doesn't come naturally.
For eg today I think I found the day a bit of a strain taking DC back to school, but I understand I feel sad and a little anxious about it, and that's because I care.

Lovemy that sounds really difficult and I really feel for you. I feel sure things can only improve from here, please hang on in there in the situation with your son, time may change things in a way you can't imagine at the moment 💔

Thank you Bear and Ain't, everyone's kindness is so much appreciated. I've got no choice but to hang on, but I haven't seen him for months, and I don't see that changing any time soon. He learns to treat ne the same way my dad does. I wish it was over

Morning all
Woke in the night then had a bad dream. 😢Work today 😕

Each day is a new day with new chances and new experiences

morning everyone sorry to hear you had a bad nigh Aint - I haven't been sleeping at all well recently - woke at 3.30 this morning, anxious, agitated ...the usual.

Sharing a link which some of you may or may not be interested in - it's for a free 10 day self-acceptance/self-compassion online event. I did something like this last year and found some of the talks and exercises really inspirational and helpful. It's come at a good time for me as through my work with the counsellor I've realised I really am my own worst enemy and so my focus at present really is trying to strengthen the qualities of self-compassion for myself. It's baby steps at present and very very easy for me to fall back into habitual patterns of self blame, and disgust...but hey ho and on I go, try again, fail again, try harder, fail harder...accept it all as part of the journey and stop beating myself up. Hope it's ok to post this here, I'm sure it won't be for everyone, but hey it's free and maybe it will be of use to someone

Hi all

I'm doing ok at the moment after the wobble at the weekend. I've got hold of some magnesium citrate tablets and I took 2 just before bed last night, so we'll see how I feel in a few days.
I have got very mild, barely recognisable worry over getting everything done I need to at work, but my manager is fabulous and allows me to have a check in when I need one and asks me 1 to 1 rather than in the office if he needs any additional work done so that I don't feel pressured into accepting.
I'm taking on board how tiredness effects me so yesterday evening when I normally would go to the gym I decided not to because I was feeling tired and I ended up going to bed earlier than usual.
I thought I might try to go for a swim today. I love feeling of being in the water and I haven't been swimming for ages other than dipping in the pool on holiday, which doesn't really count.
I'm getting more and more positive and true emotions coming through including feelings of joy and happiness that gives me an inner smile, rather than the constant flatness, sadness and sheer panic and worry. I felt and told DH that I loved him. I thought I'd better get it in whilst I was feeling it because it might go and be filled with anxiousness, sadness and worry at any time.
I've got a little shell turtle and a plastic realistic looking crab on my desk at work to remind me of times I felt sheer happiness (seeing the turtles in Zante in May, and crabbing this last holiday at the caravan). The shell turtle has googly eyes which generally just bring out my inner child of joy and silliness anyway, so double win for the turtle.
I hope everyone has a good day and sees or feels some positiveness.

Velma- that all sounds good

I have had a difficult day feeling so low. So many thoughts on my head I can't even make s plan. I've brought myself down to the beach just to try a bit of mindful walking to try to loosen it a bit. It's cold and the tides in.

Calendula- am doing something similar soon as long as I feel reasonably ok. I love that approach

Am at the beach. It's dark but warm. Feel slightly soothed by the sound of the waves

aint I hope you find some peace and relief before bed time.
love that truly does sound like a shitty situation and it must be really difficult.

Ain't I hope you can feel a bit better by the water. You could say your thoughts out loud to the waves, and leave them there. I've done that before now

It is velma, I'm so grateful to have so much support from the wonderful women on this site

Thank you lovely people
I felt as if my mind was too full of thoughts and my heart too full of feelings. Confusion and overwhelm. Wanting to ' feel better' and frustration to dip so low. And then guilt- I spend all this time trying to be different from my mother but if I can't get better I'm worried I'll end up the same.
I practised a meditation in the car where you think what feelings you are having, investigate them with kindness and allow them to be. After a few minutes of allowing the truly crap feelings to be I started to feel a slight relaxing. I am just going to have a bath, a cup of tea and sit in bed .

Aint that all sound VERY familiar - even down to the I CAN'T be like my mother and oh my god I am becoming her...glad you got some relief from the meditation and some easing and relaxing. It's hard. Enjoy your bath.

I have a new type of splitting headache - I've suffered with bad headaches all my life but this is a new one even on me - in the lower back right quadrant of my skull. So sore. And if I move it is sorer. And if I lie down it is sore. I said to DP earlier that I just want someone to take a mallet to my head and knock me out! it's been around for three days now. I'm taking painkillers every day which sometimes work sometimes not. Am convinced all these bodily ailments ( i keep getting weirder and weirder ones) are a function of the anxiety/stress and if I can just sort of ignore/accept them and work on the anxiety that will be the key. Easier said than done and many days I just want to rage against them all and feel hideously sorry for myself. And many days that is exactly what I do!

I hope everyone gets a good night sleep tonight and wakes refreshed in the morning, ready for another day.

Nighttime is a lonely time, too easy for the thoughts to take hold.

My problem is that I don't go out much due to being an introvert/awkward socially. So I spend a lot of time in my room. I remember I sometimes wrote "plays"/stories where the character based on me and the character based on the person I wanted to befriend became friends still do.
At least I know I want to change which is half the battle. If I get CBT I need to actually put suggestions into practice rather than panic and say it's too hard. Easier said than done of course!!

Is anyone's anxiety mainly centred around their job? So much of my anxiety comes from worrying about making a mistake at work. I find it hard to know if I would be like this in any job or whether it's this specific job

Mine is mainly work related, though during exploration in therapy it has become more generalised.
It's tough, because my job offers me many things, yet it also challenges me and makes me anxious.

Am home from work. Tired. Stressful day, but the work got done.

Now I look back to yesterday and think " what the happened?!'
How could I have felt so desperately low, so out of control in my mind, and today back to planet earth again. It's frightening, but it's also reassuring, it passes, and actually it's only me judging myself and thinking how I ' should be'.

Allow, allow, allow.

How is everyone?

What the happened !!!

Oh, asterix fail !!!