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The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

896 replies

Aintgotnosoapbox · 14/07/2017 00:39

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

OP posts:
LoveMySituation · 04/09/2017 20:16

Wow Velma, that covers most bases! Magnesium, yes, I was taking AX1 which is expensive (I'm going to ask if the NHS will fund it ) which has lots of magnesium, and lots of other things which help the balance of neurotransmitters. It helped, the magnesium types that are best absorbed are chelate, glycinate, citrate. Oxide and sulfate is not so well absorbed, that form are in most of the cheaper supplements

Thank you Horris, Kira is sold in Boots, I think it's called Low mood these days. Bear I sympathise, how awful that groups charge, if you take the SJW, don't take them as well as the anti depressant, it can cause serotonin syndrome, which can be dangerous. Maybe you could try and ground yourself during an attack with the five hats technique. It does work . Good luck

Bear9 · 04/09/2017 20:19

Thk you,will have a read of that in bed..i have also heard of the stuff u said..i have the docs next week,will be askin advice on it all,even tho the doctors just want to give u stuff that just zonks u out..i am finding this site so helpful..after looking for groups and finding none,i stumble across thisSmile..happy days(well sometimes haha)

Bear9 · 04/09/2017 20:28

Can i ask what is the five hats trick? I use some spray in mouth that i got from holland and barrents,it tastes like vodka and doesnt seem to do alot..the only tecnic i have at mo is talking myself out of it,or picking up the kindle and read till it passes,or put all my shoppin down and walk out of store(which doesnt go down well at dinner time,when there is none!) It is a horrible horrible thing and ppl love to say" oh ul be ok,just think happy thoughts"

velmadinkly · 04/09/2017 20:48

love yes, it is magnesium oxide in the cheapo ones I got, thank you for the advice. They are 375mg each. If needs be I'll take 2 per day because I read 600mg per day is ok, but I don't want to risk getting diarrhoea. If I think I'm tolerating it ok I'll try a more expensive version or I'll just try a more expensive version when these are finish. I only bought a small bottle of 30 tabs with my good shop from the supermarket.

indulgentberries · 04/09/2017 20:56

the magnesium bath salts are fantastic, and they are half price in Waitrose at the moment.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 04/09/2017 21:20

Hello to all new posters lovely to see so much exchange of ideas on the thread,
I'm not on medication, but have improved incredibly with talking therapy with a psychologist. I find sessions throw up many feelings and difficulties and it's taken a long time to get to the deep down issues.
Today I'm low and sad after seeing her, but have been for a walk , done a mindfulness session and a bit better tonight.
The grounding technique I know is:
2/3 deep breaths
Count five things you can see , can do both inside and outside
Count four things you can hear
Three you can feel ( breeze in face) , feet on ground etc
Two you can taste
One you can smell

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LoveMySituation · 04/09/2017 21:21

Bear <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?q=affinitymagazine.us/2017/01/16/time-to-put-on-your-5-thinking-hats-with-this-new-coping-mechanism/&sa=U&ved=0ahUKEwiNmfuxrIzWAhUJDsAKHS2JCboQFggRMAE&usg=AFQjCNHNIPGv_M6jjh6SbiTkgVDTa_bnfw" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">5 Hats Is the spray Rescue remedy? Must say, I've resorted to the whole bottle before now. THEN it works!!

calmday · 05/09/2017 18:29

Hi everyone. I haven't posted on here for a while, cos since I started olanzapine my anxiety attacks have totally gone!! I am in a good mood and no anxiety whatsoever. It's been about 12 days now. I thank the wonderful psychiatrist for prescribing me it! I manage to go out and about now without having anxiety attacks! It really is great.

I hope everyone else is well.

LoveMySituation · 05/09/2017 18:44

That's great calm. I thought I'd post this. DON'T DO THE STRESS TEST!!! It's a scam, but it's good advice
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?q=www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/treatment/eliminate-permanently&sa=U&ved=0ahUKEwjnquuOyY7WAhVkOMAKHWc0Cc4QFggaMAM&usg=AFQjCNEeHapBHZnolq_RJ5E9XfRxZ19ZGg" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Anxiety elimination

velmadinkly · 05/09/2017 19:28

calm I'm pleased for you.

I'm having a good day, no symptoms whatsoever. I'm definately learning that a good night's sleep definately helps.

toffee1000 · 05/09/2017 20:06

Is it OK if I join in here? I almost feel like an intruder because I don't really have severe anxiety, mostly just anxious thoughts. They are probably largely a result of ASD. I'm part of the ASD support thread but it's been very quiet lately and I need to rant somewhere people will understand and get where I'm coming from.
Anxiety for me comes in social situations. I'm also very negative about things and always come up with the potential downsides to almost everything. This also affects me personally, I have very little self-esteem and would find it hard to think of many positive aspects of my character.

OK, background: I'm 22. Due to ASD/negative thoughts about self/general worry, I have found it very difficult to make friends. There have been some occasions in my life where I have wanted to befriend someone and just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I perceive that we're too different, we won't have anything in common, they won't want to befriend me because I'm too weird/different. I often say that society isn't particularly tolerant of those who are different.
So as you can imagine I have never had any kind of romantic experience whatsoever. Forget sex, forget boyfriend, not even a kiss or a date or anything. I just find it hard to believe that someone will like/love me enough to be involved in a relationship. I mean, how can I expect anyone to love me if I don't love myself, right? That's what general advice is; learn to love yourself first.
I did have some sort of CBT-based counselling when I was 16. It didn't really help, probably because I didn't put things into place and make it work. That's another problem: I definitely want to change, and there are many things available to help me change, but ultimately it comes from within and I have to put in some legwork to make it happen. I'm likely too comfortable in/used to my current position and the idea of making a positive change is scary to me, it's the unknown.
I am waiting to get a dx for ASD. Hopefully once I get it I can access specific counselling. However, again I will have to put effort in myself. I know I WANT to change, so why can I not just do it and help myself?

CalendulaAndRoses · 05/09/2017 20:24

oh people, you have no idea what a relief it is to find this thread. Finally, I feel like some of what I am going through at the moment makes some sense.

I identify with so much of what you have shared, the tight debilitating, horrendousness of anxiety that comes from nowhere, makes you question everything and knocks you sideways. I've been in tears the last few days, questioning everything, wishing I could just not be here, or if I have to be could just be in bed waiting for the days to be over. It's exhausting.

I get this regularly. I'm so tired of it.

I try to practice mindfulness, meditation, self compassion exercises (doing the Kristin Neff audio book at the moment, it is very good) self care etc etc etc but sometimes I feel like I am wading through a swamp spending every waking moment just trying to keep myself from giving up and allowing myself to sink in the stinky green swamp gunge.

I feel for each and every one of us on this lonely journey. I read so many of your stories and just nodded in disbelief. I had no idea others felt like this, really felt like this.

I'll check in regularly, though am trying to keep off the computer except for for work as it can suck me in.

Toffee1000 I have to say a special hello to you as you joined the thread just before me and your story is so moving. Hang in there, you are so young, you're so in touch with what is going on for you (I was 40 and self imploding in a divorce before I really realised and sought help) I'm sure things will improve for you with the right help. Stay strong and most importantly, stay KIND to yourself.

Hongkong5 · 05/09/2017 21:22

I wish I understood why my brain works against me, why does it want to find things to worry about, it's my brain but I feel like I have no control over it.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 05/09/2017 21:40

Colour breathing:
Breathe in slowly an inspiring or calming colour ( gold/ light for me). Imagine your mind and body filled and coloured with that calm inspirational colour
breathe out a dark colour and negative anxious feelings( blue/ black for me)
Welcome all hope all settled as can be xx

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toffee1000 · 05/09/2017 23:04

I dunno really about my brain working against me but I really wish I was "normal" whatever the fuck that is har har har. I wish I didn't have ASD and could just approach people. I know it's not hugely unusual to not have had a relationship/still be a virgin at my age, but at least I'd feel confident about finding a guy in the future who would actually like/love me.

rainrainpour · 06/09/2017 11:25

Wow, I am glad I have found this thread too! Just been lurking on these pages a while...

I too have suffered from anxiety at some level (thankfully a lot less so in recent years overall) since my late teens. I am 36 now. In my early twenties I was on AD's and had CBT and have had several rounds of counselling at different times, some useful but mostly not that useful.

The CBT helped.

I suffer from anxious thoughts and irrational fears. It has ruined some of my past relationships and I have tried very very hard to control it over the last 9 years in my current relationship (with moderate success). Some days are now very easy for me, I would say 80% of the time I live anxiety free but 20% of the time I range between mildly anxious and very frightened. It sucks.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 06/09/2017 11:50

Welcome rain and all other newbies :-)

Can we think of the things we are grateful for: today I am grateful to have my own house to live in .

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Aintgotnosoapbox · 06/09/2017 11:53

Also today I'm going to try to love myself a little bit. To make up for what I missed out on growing up, I am an adult and can love myself now.

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hibernatinghorris · 06/09/2017 12:11

So got my hands on the kira ones this morning In boots 3 for 2 so that's a winner.
I just wish I feel like I was part of this world, it's like everyone around me got a book or guide and I was in the loo when they were handed out!
I can remember being little and lying in bed working out ways to kill myself. So I think it's so ingrained it's hard to un learn it.

hibernatinghorris · 06/09/2017 12:15

aint no
I stayed in a holiday cottage once. They had a mirror they had painted white and written round the edge loads of nice messages. I meant to take a picture to do it at home but forgot.
All the affirmations were lovely, not cheesy ones.
Although I can't recall any right now!!!

LoveMySituation · 06/09/2017 12:35

I see where you're coming from Soap, and I agree, I'm just feeling really angry and upset today. Like you, I should be grateful for my house(and am) but I have discovered problems today that will probably wipe out all my money to sort, been here less than a year, and already it's just one thing after another . My sons 13th birthday is coming up, he wants nothing to do with me, have to watch him being brought up by my abusive (only to me, a saint to everyone else ) father, who has PR, so he can do as he likes, who will only grudgingly give me any updates on what he's doing. I just feel trapped, in this town, which I hate, fighting this hideous 'illness' day after day, all just in case my son decides to speak to me at some point in the next five years. I genuinely don't know why I'm here. I feel powerless.
Without people that love you, what's the point in life? Sorry for the pity party.

CalendulaAndRoses · 06/09/2017 14:49

HibernatingHoris - I think I was in the cubicle next to you when they handed out the guidebook!!! Always wondered why I didn't get one.

LoveMySituation - that sounds REALLY tough. Sending you Flowers one thing my counsellor said to me recently, which I have really taken to heart is to try to learn to give ourselves the things (emotions/care/support/love) we have traditionally expected or felt we needed from others. I am consciously trying to do this, day by day. It is hard but as it becomes more of my process I find I am becoming a little more self reliant. It might help you a bit with the "powerless" feeling you mention {I get that too}

I was at the counsellor this morning, went in feeling like I couldn't possibly muster the energy for it, came out feeling like I am getting somewhere and moving (slowly) in the right direction in my own way and at my own pace

Then went to town and got magnesium, vitamin c, b complex and evening primrose. Started taking them today and going to note in my journal and try to monitor if the anxiety lessens over next month or so of taking them

so today I am grateful for my lovely counsellor who helps me to stop beating myself up quite so hard, and for this thread...

Aintgotnosoapbox · 06/09/2017 15:22

Hi all
I am angry, anxious, complain, worry, get overwhelmed , all the time

Please know I am with you all on your journey, it's so crap I know

I am just trying to lift my mood with positivity that's all WinkSmile

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Bear9 · 06/09/2017 15:22

Well today started at 5.30am and my babys first day at secondly school..done all the tears and nerves this morning,went and done big food shop,come hme and cleaned for 2 hrs,stopped,and bam the anxiety hits..so again i have to lay down,get my book out and read untill it passes,now too scared to leave hse as know its Larkin there,today i got quite abit done b4 it found me tho,60 % of days i wake up and its there for no reason so im hse bound for that day...so sick and tired of it all:( have done some MORE reading up on it today amd have decided to name mine Shirley..so i can tell Shirley to piss off!! Am very happy i have found this page,as i feel like i have found a group which i have been looking for..i can recognise things from everyone of ur stories and am finding it helpful to see how other sufferers are finding ways to cope..

hibernatinghorris · 06/09/2017 16:21

I love giving it a name! That's brilliant.
lovemy
Flowers that is properly shit. I had a manipulative arsehole ex so I get how the fuckers work.
Am I right in assuming your staying in the town that makes you sad for your son?

bear
60% done sounds a good day to me. Small steps and all that. Did your daughter get on well?