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The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

896 replies

Aintgotnosoapbox · 14/07/2017 00:39

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

OP posts:
LoveMySituation · 27/08/2017 16:08

It's not too bad, managed to get on and do stuff, but now I've finished, the panic, worry, doubting thoughts creep in.
What if i didn't do it right, not even if I see myself do something, does the doubt go away.
Going to try and distract myself with the football
I suppose I worry that if I'm not depressed, and I'm not, then anti depressants will have the reverse effect and make me depressed. It's happened before

velmadinkly · 27/08/2017 16:37

I've had a good few days. DH joined us yesterday and I was happy to greet him at the station and I didnt have any anxious feelings.
I've had 'the thought' a few times, but I'm just accepting it as a thought.

LoveMySituation · 27/08/2017 17:28

Do you think that may be OCD Velma? As the same thought keeps coming back. Sounds like what I get. Just a idle musing.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 27/08/2017 20:47

Hi all. Hope everyone enjoying the sunshine today.
Calm, glad you are more settled on the olanzapine.
velma glad you have had a good few days.
I saw my therapist this weekend and felt a little silly for overthinking, over reacting. Now I think I've sort of made her a bit annoyed and frustrated, makes me wonder if that was what I was trying to do, and eventually it's worked! Otherwise I'm ok , feeling settled and low anxiety.

OP posts:
velmadinkly · 28/08/2017 08:12

Off home today and back to the daily grind from tomorrow. DD is back at school and I'm back at work with no break until Christmas.
I love the simple holidays we have in the caravan.
love it might be OCD? but it fits the worry cycle that the thought I get is a worry and the more anxious I get the less control I have over the worry.
Either way I'm happy that I'm in control and more relaxed at the moment.

Cmblue · 28/08/2017 12:09

Hi I'm new here and it's a bit weird for me to share mostly down to shame but I wondered if anyone else feels the same.
I had anxiety and depression, suffered my first massive panic attack 7 years ago but my son was only young, I tried lots of antidepressants but found mirtazapine helped until last October when the panic attacks started again... It took me until Feb to go to gp as the panic attacks impacted my whole life, I was put on sertraline and ended up having a physcotic reaction to them, so iv been off sick from work hopefully not going to get sacked because that would top it all off, I'm under the psyciatrist now but the anxiety and panic are still happening, it's been nearly a year and iv tried mindfulness, yoga, cutting out alcohol/caffein cbt/ healthy eating, breathing techniques and exercise, I love the gym but exercise brings on massive panic attacks and I don't know why, iv isolated myself because seeing my friends brings on massive panic attacks even if it's in my own house. I don't suffer racing heart or physical symptoms but mental such as racing thoughts, lack of concentration, de ja vu, feelings of detachment from the real world as these are so intense I get anxiety about looking after my son because I'm so paranoid I'm going mad and don't want him to witness it or the intrusive thoughts scare me when I'm with him. Does anyone else feel these?

velmadinkly · 28/08/2017 22:04

cm welcome to the thread.

My attacks are very much like yours. I don't get the quick short breathing, but the racing thoughts and detachment are me to a T.

I'm again having a good day. I feel 'normal' and I'm engaged in conversation with DH and we are chatting about 'stuff' and I'm just enjoying the engagement and being here with him and I can feel other emotions other than sadness or anxiety. I don't feel detached.
I'm hoping to get at least a few days of reprieve.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 29/08/2017 23:55

Welcome to tithe thread cm. it sounds like you are going through a tough time. What does your psych Dr think about how you are getting on? What do you find helps? I used to get intrusive memories, and still get detachment sometimes, with an underlying dread it's unpleasant. My anxiety is very physical though with fast heart rate, chest pain and panic.
But this week I am feeling very good, enjoying life, having a laugh with my son and the rest of the family. I feel back to normal, and it's been a few days.it makes me happy to have some respite.
Sleep well all.

OP posts:
kupotezanafasi · 30/08/2017 00:58

May I join you? I'm awake in the small hours and worrying myself sick over whether I forgot a beta blocker last night and if it means I'll have a heart attack. Obviously ott but my brain hasn't realised 😢

Hongkong5 · 30/08/2017 07:14

Hi, may I join. I've just started on sertraline to manage my anxiety. I can't bear this feeling anymore and the fear I feel about everything and the no sleep and constant churning of my stomach so I can't eat. I'm so tired and exhausted from the constant overthinking and worry. I worry about everything and live my life in fear of things going wrong. If I think of something that could potentially happen my brain seems to assume it will defiantly happen and I don't believe people when they say it's unlikely. I'm really struggling.

Cmblue · 30/08/2017 08:11

I just keep getting the same thing over and over... That it takes time to get over a mental breakdown (I know they refuse to use that term now) to be honest iv found no relief, not even in sleep because i havent had any, iv been also seen by 2 OT who just keep saying...keep doing what your doing which is all good but I'd rather like my life back, I need to go to work, do the school run without a melt down, I do get a fast heart rate is can go upto 147 when resting but because I use to run a lot I can handle that, the hot flushes and tunnel vision are a bit annoying but nothing compared with the mental side but hey ho that's just the bitch anxiety is.

Cmblue · 30/08/2017 08:18

Hiya hongkong, it really does take 6 weeks or more for antidepressants to kick in, I know that's no help but meds and our brain are complex, I feel you on the insomnia and lack of appetite, but complan shakes helped me, anxiety feeds off low blood sugar levels and dehydration, have you got a good support network, a duvet and list of box sets you want to watch whilst the sertraline does it thing. X

Hongkong5 · 30/08/2017 08:25

Hi Cmblue, I do have a good support network, its work that's the main trigger at the moment of my anxiety but I just have to keep going in and trying to manage it as best I can which is actually pretty badly at the moment. I just want to not feel like this. Sorry - am just really feeling low today

Hongkong5 · 30/08/2017 08:25

Thank you for replying

Cmblue · 30/08/2017 09:30

Don't ever apologise for feeling low, it's an illness and a bloody crap one. Work started mine off, it was mainly change of management, bad environment, and going into hand over with all the doors shut, I went to pale and sweaty they asked if I was alright and after 4 months I finally admitted No no I'm not...i work in a care setting so administry meds mid panic attack ain't ideal, when you were prescribed sertraline, did the doctor mention signing you off for a bit???

velmadinkly · 31/08/2017 15:32

Hi all

I hope you are all coping as best you can.
I'm still feeling ok. Reflecting back I can't believe the difference.
I'm not 100% sure what has made me come through this bout of anxiety, but I'm taking it as it comes.

longdays · 31/08/2017 17:13

Hi, can I jump in? I've suffered anxiety for years probably since age 8/9 and I'm 41 now. Back then I was just considered a cautious child, but anxiety was finally diagnosed after my divorce when I just sort of imploded.

I've just managed to bag myself a promotion at work and it will be my fist time as a line manager. I was so proud of myself as I'm good at being putting myself in stressful situations such as interviews, but now I have the feeling of doom that I'll be rubbish at it.

I've been on citalopram in the past when I became depressed and in seriously thinking I should restart. I just feel hungry all the time or as though I have heartburn. My sleep pattern is deteriorating and I just want time alone.

Need to sort it out asap

Cmblue · 31/08/2017 19:08

This is my 6th month of work now due to Anxiety, I really need to go back because losing my job would put me on a really bad position, I'm a single mum with rent and a child, I cant face work, yet when I can't even go into asda without a panic attack, i just wondered if anyone has had an success with pregablin?? Iv been on it for over 10 weeks with no success, not really sure what else to do, should I ask my physc for an increase, does anyone found it's helped??

ErinSophia · 31/08/2017 19:50

Anxiety is like being awake in a nightmare :(. I had generalised anxiety disorder but got better now I'm only struggling with social anxiety disorder. I was at college for 2 years passed all my exams and was due to start my final year this month before going to university but the head of my department decided to kick me out due to my anxiety, she said I had made progress and acknowledged I had support in place but still wouldn't let me in. I think 1 of the hardest things about anxiety is how small minded some people can be towards you when you suffer with anxiety it makes me feel lonely like nobody understands me x

Cmblue · 31/08/2017 20:25

Your first point about anxiety being awake in a nightmare is spot on then the lack of sleep and actual nightmares top it off, I have GAD and panic disorder ect, can i ask what helped with your GAD?? I totally understand you, and spend a large amount of time convincing myself I'm not going mad... And if one more health professional tells me to breath and exercise.. As if I havent tried that Hmm. X

Hongkong5 · 01/09/2017 06:15

I'm exhausted by the anxiety. I actually had an ok day yesterday at work but then in the evening it was like my brain was searching for something to get worried about, so of course I found something and have tortured myself and not been able to sleep and throwing up this morning. Been on the meds for a week and starting to lose faith I will feel better

LEMtheoriginal · 01/09/2017 06:28

Hello? Can I join? I have anxiety and I think I'm depressed. My adult dd is also struggling but I cannot help her (She refuses) and it's often too painful to discuss. I'm not medicated just now and I'm trying to avoid it but I'm not doing so great. I don't think people get it

LEMtheoriginal · 01/09/2017 06:30

What meds are you taking Hong Kong? It can take a few weeks to work and often makes you feel worse in the meantime.
I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety coming first and filling in the gaps with worry.

Hongkong5 · 01/09/2017 07:56

Hi LEM, I'm on sertraline and just desperately want to feel a bit better. People who don't suffer from anxiety don't get it, but I guess they can't really as it's so hard to explain why we can't just stop worrying and feeling anxious. Have you been on meds before?

LEMtheoriginal · 01/09/2017 08:03

Yes for many years - been off for about 6 months and it's a struggle. I was on citalopram which is in the same family as sertraline. It got worse before it got better but after about a week/two life was better