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The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

896 replies

Aintgotnosoapbox · 14/07/2017 00:39

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

OP posts:
Aintgotnosoapbox · 22/08/2017 23:20

Hi calm.
I tried a technique today to compartmentalise my problems, especially the last few days, from the work situation. Instead of thinking about how the day would start and pan out, I focussed on getting everything done and how good I would feel at the end of the day. So I feel quite proud now. Because a few months ago I was having panic attacks at work.

OP posts:
calmday · 22/08/2017 23:33

Sounds like you did really well at work Aint, well done.

LoveMySituation my OCD got more and more severe and then I became concerned that items or objects had become "stuck" to me. I would put the hoover away then become concerned that the hoover was stuck to the back of my head Blush. I thought that lamps and toasters etc were stuck to the back of my head and I'd spend hours checking if they were still in their proper place. I wouldn't believe my own eyes when I saw eg. the toaster was still on the side in the kitchen. So that led me to have my diagnosis changed from OCD to schizophrenia. Sorry to hear your OCD has been horrendous today, it's exhausting isn't it Flowers

Aintgotnosoapbox · 22/08/2017 23:44

That sounds really tough calm. What's going to happen with your meds now?

OP posts:
LoveMySituation · 23/08/2017 00:03

It certainly is calm, I don't see it ever going, or me ever functioning normally again. I'm really surprised by your diagnosis, I would have thought they'd have seen it as one of the many ways this thing can manifest itself. Do you think the SS will make you go back on your meds?

calmday · 23/08/2017 00:11

I don't know what's gonna happen with my meds. My CPN told me to stay off all meds and keep a mood diary. Can the SS make me go back on my meds??

LoveMySituation · 23/08/2017 00:26

I don't know, but I suspect they will give you a 'choice' to co operate or not, but they would leave you in no doubt of the consequences of that choice.

velmadinkly · 23/08/2017 17:50

Hi all

Calm it sounds as though you are going through a tricky situation. Do you think your MH issues are skewing your decisions regarding you taking your medications?

I'm at the caravan again with my Dad and DD. DH is coming for the BH weekend.

My anxiety is bubbling today and I'm feeling tired which I think makes my anxiety worse. I've brought my exercise clothes so I might go out for a run in a while so see that will lift my mind a bit.

calmday · 23/08/2017 20:09

Hi everyone. Velma I hope you have a nice time at the caravan. I do think my MH issues are skewing my ability to think rationally about taking medication. Throughout my time as a patient I've always been coming on and off drugs, I find it very difficult to follow a treatment plan.

Today I phoned the CMHT and told them I wanted to restart an antipsychotic. They said they'd ask the psychiatrist. But then I stood on the scales and found I'd lost weight, I've nearly lost a stone since coming off my meds. This makes me not want to go back on the meds. Oh I just don't know what to do!

Anxiety is quite low today, my mood has been a little bad though. Perhaps the 5 htp didn't agree with me. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

I hope everyone is ok.

velmadinkly · 23/08/2017 20:48

I've been for a run and while I was running I listened to my audio book and concentrated on my breathing and the feeling in my legs. I at felt calmer during the run.

calmday · 24/08/2017 20:38

I've had another weird day. I'm so up-and-down at the moment. One minute I feel elated then the next minute I feel really low.

I have an appointment with the psychiatrist tomorrow. It's a new locum consultant so I've never met him before. I'm gonna ask for lamotrigine to help stabilise my mood. I don't want anything that will put any weight on me, I've almost lost a stone and I want to continue to lose weight. I don't want anything to raise my serotonin levels as those drugs make me hypomanic. Recently when I was hypomanic I decided to cut myself a fringe, which was a really bad idea as I have curly hair so I have to straighten it every morning which is a pain in the ass. I wonder what the new psychiatrist will be like.

How is everyone else?

velmadinkly · 25/08/2017 08:16

Calm - you do sound as though you aware of your moods and feelings. I hope your appointment goes well.

I had a good day yesterday. I'm hoping for another good one today.

calmday · 25/08/2017 15:00

I had my psychiatrist appointment today. It went really well, I decided to ask for olanzapine even though it has the potential for weight gain. I'm gonna keep reducing my portion sizes and am gonna stick to a low calorie diet and hopefully I'll maintain my weight. I picked olanzapine because the time when I was most stable I was on olanzapine. He said that it's a mood stabiliser so it should help even out my mood swings. I did ask for diazepam but he said no. Anyway, I start the olanzapine tonight. Hoping it helps my anxiety attacks too.

LoveMySituation · 25/08/2017 15:13

That's good calm, should keep SS of your back if nothing else! It should help the anxiety, from what I know ( not much)

LoveMySituation · 25/08/2017 15:14

Off your back even

calmday · 25/08/2017 15:54

Yeah when the SS phone my partner next week he will be able to tell them I'm on antipsychotics again which should keep them happy Smile

LoveMySituation · 25/08/2017 18:47

I would have thought they'd phone you. My dr offered me anti psychotics after I asked if there was anything else apart from SSRI's . Was surprised at the time, but maybe I wouldn't be now. My uncle spent most of his life on them

calmday · 26/08/2017 19:06

I took my first olanzapine last night. I was totally wasted about an hour after! Really sedated and just a feeling that my limbs were really heavy. Took me seconds to fall asleep. Was quite nice! Lol.

Today I've felt really calm and relaxed. Mood has been stable too. Looks like the drug is working Smile.

My partner told me I'm to take it just before I go to bed. I want to take it an hour or so before going to bed so I feel the benefits of being totally relaxed. We are going to be watching the new Death Note film on Netflix tonight, I want to take my tablet before that so I can feel really chilled out. My partner says this is using them recreationally. I don't know.

Hope everyone is ok.

LoveMySituation · 26/08/2017 20:02

I don't think that's recreational, just (slightly) using to your advantage. I mean, you may as well have the benefit of it instead of being relaxed and unconscious! Take it when you want to.
I've had another awful day. This has got to stop. I just don't know how. Am scared of how I am now, and of this continuing forever. It's taken everything

calmday · 26/08/2017 20:08

Sorry you've had a bad day LoveMySituation. Are you on any medication?

LoveMySituation · 26/08/2017 20:35

No I'm not calm, i was taking a supplement that worked (at least a bit) but it was too expensive. I've got a Drs appointment booked for next month, It's the first one they had!! Think i may ask for some beta blockers. But she just wants to give me SSRIs, so i bet she refuses

calmday · 26/08/2017 20:59

I found that a GP gave me beta blockers quite happily when I asked. Have you tried any SSRIs?

LoveMySituation · 26/08/2017 22:23

Yep, three types. It was not a good idea

calmday · 27/08/2017 09:01

What about mirtazapine? That's not an SSRI. Beta blockers sound like a good idea too

LoveMySituation · 27/08/2017 14:55

Isn't mirtazapine an anti psychotic? It's just that I asked if there was anything else apart from SSRI's she didn't mention beta blockers. Hope you're having a good day calm

calmday · 27/08/2017 15:14

Mirtazapine is an antidepressant. It's sedating so you take it at night. It's quite good, I've been on it a few times.

I'm really good today. I've marked my mood in my mood diary as a 7 out of ten. Not really any anxiety. The olanzapine has worked wonders for me in the past and I think it's having the same effect for me again. I haven't had an anxiety attack since starting it. So hopefully this will continue.

I hope you are having an ok day LoveMySituation.