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Original poster

I don't know how to get to tomorrow

903 replies

iwasagirlinavillage · 27/03/2017 16:14

I have a thread in relationships about my marriage collapsing. As a result I can feel myself succumbing to depression and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I already take ADs and I had CBT which ended just before the separation. I just can't do this. Even breathing feels like an almighty difficult task. I have two children so I know I just have to keep going but if it was just me I'm quite certain I would have given up by now. I feel like I've completely slowed down physically, like I'm starting to shut down. But shutting down would be a welcome relief. Although then I think of my DDs and know that I can't do that and a wave of exhaustion hits me again and I feel the weight of it all afresh. I can't do this.

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lazycrazyhazy · 09/04/2017 18:34

Did you tell your parents how badly you're feeling? You really need to. And to get real life help. Please do this.

Sunshineandlaughter · 09/04/2017 19:10

Yes definitely speak to your parents about the extent of it.
And of course the girls aren't better off without you, they love you and need you. This bad patch will pass.

Sunshineandlaughter · 09/04/2017 19:13

Can you stay at your parents longer with the girls? Get as much real life support you can.

Sunshineandlaughter · 09/04/2017 19:14

Did you get to talk to him about what was happening longer term?

McButtonwillow · 09/04/2017 19:25

Please get some help, you really need to see your GP about the way you're feeling- it's the depression talking of course your girls would not be better off without you.

Have you told anyone IRL about these thoughts that you've been having? You don't need to battle them alone Flowers

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 09/04/2017 19:57

I haven't told anyone how I'm feeling. The horrible irony is that the only person I've ever been able to talk to when I feel this low is my husband.

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Sunshineandlaughter · 09/04/2017 20:14

You have to tell your parents -if your dd was feeling this low wouldn't you want to know?

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 09/04/2017 20:17

Of course I would. But I don't know what they would/could do. They're already doing so much on a practical level. And everyone thinks I'm strong and coping okay but I'm not. I don't want to let them down by admitting I'm not.

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Sunshineandlaughter · 09/04/2017 20:23

It's not letting them down. You don't always have to be strong. It's ok to say this is too much sometimes.

McButtonwillow · 09/04/2017 20:43

You won't be letting anyone down, none of this is your fault.

Asking for help to get better and be well for your girls is the strongest thing you can do right now.

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 09/04/2017 21:03

What can anyone do though?

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Sunshineandlaughter · 09/04/2017 21:17

It's true there's not a lot but sometimes it just helps to let other people in and talk, honestly.

It's probably the last thing on your mind right now but can you ask someone to babysit so you can go for a swim or exercise class once a week? It's such a good way to boost feeling good and release all those crap feelings.

McButtonwillow · 09/04/2017 21:23

You won't know unless you ask Flowers

Underastormysky2 · 09/04/2017 23:34

Please try to make contact with GP. They may have access to what you need.
I know too that Samaritans are there for anyone who wants to talk. Just saying out loud how you feel to someone who will not judge you may help. You have been under stress for such a while.

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 10/04/2017 04:06

DD2 has been awake for most of the night. How much more of this am I supposed to take? I feel like everything is pushing me to the limit, seeing how far I can be pushed before I break.

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hayleyB79 · 10/04/2017 04:26

Hang in there. My D's woke every hour of the night for the first 18 months of his life. I promise you it gets easier.

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 10/04/2017 07:24

I've woken up feeling sick and scared.

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wannabestressfree · 10/04/2017 07:30

I really think you need to see the doctor. They might be able to sort meds and refer you. I am not saying in your current circumstances you should be pole vaulting out of bed but you need to sort sleep and mood.

Sending hugs and hope for a good day :)

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 10/04/2017 07:34

Most definitely you need to ring the doctors the minute they open this morning......if you don't feel you can talk can you show the doctor this thread so he/ she gets a proper understanding of just how crap you're feeling.....please OP....please ring the doctors my lovely...xx

Paperdoll16 · 10/04/2017 08:11

Please do ring the GP lovely.

This cannot go on. The situation isn't getting any better and although you feel like they can't do anything more you need something else in place.

How was he after having the girls for 24-42 hours? And what was the exchange back like?

Also how did you feel (after the initial loneliness of not being with them for the first time) having some time to yourself?

I don't think there is any problem with contacting him and telling him that you too aren't coping well; after all (and as I've said before) he left for those very reasons, or so he said if not the OW, so don't feel bad or guilty for admitting the same. Tell him how bad it is.

He knows you've had similar lows or crisis' in the past and he has supported you through them. But tell him it's about supporting the girls so that you can now get the support elsewhere or via other people.

Lots of love to you Flowers

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 10/04/2017 08:12

I need to get DD1 to nursery but I can't get myself or them ready.

I phoned my husband because DD1 wanted to speak to him. I told him he can't cope and he needed to take them. He said we would sort something out to make it easier and I said no, you need to take them now. He said that's ridiculous. I asked why but he wouldn't answer. He said "I'm not going to do this now", I told him his children needed him now. I said to him do you not care. He said he would phone his sister to come and help me. I said no, it's your duty not hers. He said he couldn't risk his job, I told him to call in sick. I said again I needed him to take them and he said "what, like I have for the last 3 days?" I said "no, like I have for the last 6 weeks". He was just sighing a lot and it was clear he wasn't going to take them. I hung up and I phoned my Mum crying. She asked what's wrong and I told her I just couldn't function. That I couldn't get DD1 to nursery and I couldn't even make their breakfast. I told her I phoned my husband and told him he needs to take them and he said he can't. She's on her way over here now.

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Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 10/04/2017 08:13

I'm going to phone the GP as soon as they open.

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Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 10/04/2017 08:27

How can someone not move heaven and earth to go to their children when they need them? I said to him "it's them you don't want isn't it?" and he said "no, it's not like that". But it's exactly like that. There is no reason, or there should be no reason he couldn't come. Even if he was with OW, a normal, rational person in those circumstances would realise that their children's needs were more important. His "I'm not doing this now" pissed me off the most because I can't exactly reschedule my breakdown for a time that's more convenient for him. He's clearly not well. And I'm not saying I am but at least I'm asking for help. I'm just worried that social services will become involved and my ability as a parent will be scrutinised.

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Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 10/04/2017 08:29

And just to prove the point, my mum was on her way to work but the second she realised I needed her, without hesitation she said she was on her way.

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Thurlow · 10/04/2017 09:10

Oh, sweetheart. If you ask the GP or your HV for help no one is going to scrutinise your abilities. You are having a perfectly understandable reaction to an awful situation and they will want to help. NO ONE will judge you xx