Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I don't know how to get to tomorrow

903 replies

iwasagirlinavillage · 27/03/2017 16:14

I have a thread in relationships about my marriage collapsing. As a result I can feel myself succumbing to depression and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I already take ADs and I had CBT which ended just before the separation. I just can't do this. Even breathing feels like an almighty difficult task. I have two children so I know I just have to keep going but if it was just me I'm quite certain I would have given up by now. I feel like I've completely slowed down physically, like I'm starting to shut down. But shutting down would be a welcome relief. Although then I think of my DDs and know that I can't do that and a wave of exhaustion hits me again and I feel the weight of it all afresh. I can't do this.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 26/04/2017 20:01

He didn't say either way. But when I referred to it as a relationship and her being the one he goes to now he said "it's not like that" and that's when he said "I don't know what you think it is but I'm not replacing you". Or something like that.

OP posts:
McButtonwillow · 26/04/2017 20:02

Well he needs to step up now and take his fair share of the responsibility.

It sounds like you were right all along village it was the responsibility of it all he was running from. The stupid thing is as a parent that sense of responsibility should never end, even if you are not with your children all of the time, there is that invisible link to them. It seems like for him it's out of sight out of mind re the girls.

I would be so bloody angry if I were you, he's a parent, a father, an adult and it's a bit too late to be bleating about wanting freedom.

Are you still feeling panicky? There's some good breathing techniques on you tube for panic attacks, or use your headspace app.

Peaches77 · 26/04/2017 20:03

It may not feel it now but you are better off without him

How could anyone regret their children is beyond me and hopefully it makes you see you three deserve better x

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 26/04/2017 20:05

The thing is, regretting having children is one thing, but deciding that you can choose to go back on that once they're here is quite another.

Panicky feeling is over but my arm is still numb/tingly.

OP posts:
Sunshineandlaughter · 26/04/2017 20:09

Give it time. He just had a meltdown. I think he might gradually step up responsibility for them again, like he's already been doing, gradually over time. He needed a break and did it in an awful way.
Try not to replay conversation and everything that was said now. Just focus on eating and going to bed or doing something fun with your evening.

NameWithChange · 26/04/2017 21:02

Did he see pictures of you on Facebook out having a good time on the Hen night?

user1493241332 · 26/04/2017 22:28

My first mums net post. Wow!
I've been a mum for 10 years with a recent addition too. I have suffered with my mental health in what seems like forever, in fact maybe it has been? Who knows. I come from a traumatic background of mental health sufferers too (some didn't quite fight those demons off) my question is, does anyone else feel that perhaps the medication is blurring everything? I am greatful to forget my anxieties, my sadness my lows but I recently realised that actually my highs are blurred too I don't remember when I last laughed, or felt anything at all. I can't help but wonder if maybe sometimes take the lows in order to have some highs? Does that even make sense?

Steinbeck · 26/04/2017 22:55

@user1493241332 , you might want to start your own thread?

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 27/04/2017 05:55

Name Yes, he did see the photos of the hen do. And I think it was after that that he deleted me.

OP posts:
Peaches77 · 27/04/2017 08:03

He is a very confusing man doesn't want to e with you but doesn't want you to move on. Be careful of him OP try not to buy into everything he is saying

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 27/04/2017 09:20

I think the problem is Peaches that he does want to be with me but he wants to be with me without children, which isn't possible.

OP posts:
nigelforgotthepassword · 27/04/2017 09:37

No it isn't-and that's kind of what you will need to focus on. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want my children, however much I loved the person. I wouldn't be able to get my head around anyone who resented their own children to the degree that they would leave their marriage. It's just not something I can imagine.
I know it sounds awful but longer term if that's how he feels then you are better off without him.

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 27/04/2017 09:47

I know Nigel. I wasn't saying that what he's done or his reasoning is acceptable, just why I think what he's saying is confusing and conflicting.

I do think even more now that he will regret this and months down the line, probably when the novelty has worn off, he will realise that feeling "trapped" was actually feeling secure. And that was probably a feeling that was unusual to him and most likely scared him. He said to me that he still feels that way but when he sees someone out with their children he's feels jealous and it makes him miss our DDs. I think that feeling will only increase for him over time. But, that doesn't mean to say that I would take him back, I just hope he does regret it so he can feel a bit of the pain he has caused me and DD1. That probably makes me evil. I just refuse to believe that this is a decision that will leave him better off and me and the DDs worse off, I would rather think of it the other way around.

OP posts:
Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 27/04/2017 09:49

My parents had to go and collect the DC this morning as I felt really unwell. I was laying under a blanket and a duvet and shivering. My arm is still tingling and numb. My Dad said about taking me to the hospital but that seems a bit extreme.

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 27/04/2017 09:50

You are not alone.

Many of us - including me - have been through really serious :end-it-all" depression so we know what you are experiencing, and how people who haven't experienced it have no idea how bloody enervating it is. Getting out of bed is a major acheivement - having a wash and getting dressed - well, might as well try to put a man on the moon! It's like wading through shoulder-high treacle,

This exhaustion coupled with the deep, deep sadness you are suffering will pass, I promise you. You are grieving for what you thought you had and taking your children's pain onto yourself, too. I think your mam is frightened by your depression and doesn't know how to cope.

I'm always so scared about opening up to health professionals about how I really feel in case they judge me as being an unfit mother

I was the same - I was actually terrified that they would put my children into care, so I know exactly where you are coming from, but you do need support. Of course you will get it here, but a face-to-face supported can be very helpful, too.

The Samaritans can offer this, and I think that if you speak to your GP, s/he may be able to suggest or to refer you to support groups, if you don't want further counselling.

Holding you in my heart and my prayers - this is an awful time for you.

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 27/04/2017 13:58

My parents made me go and get checked out at urgent care and they've sent me to A&E as they think I need a CT scan as the reflexes on my left side are "different" to those on my right which would indicate something in the brain rather than a lower nerve. I'm waiting in A&E now.

OP posts:
Sunshineandlaughter · 27/04/2017 14:10

God sounds awful let us know how you are once you've been checked.

nigelforgotthepassword · 27/04/2017 14:15

Thinking of you op...
I'm glad you Have gone to the hospital...

nigelforgotthepassword · 27/04/2017 14:15

Not glad that you are unwell obvs! But glad you will hopefully now be helped...

McButtonwillow · 27/04/2017 16:00

Hope you're ok village

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 27/04/2017 16:05

Had the CT scan and now I'm waiting to see another doctor. From the physical exam I have less sensitivity and strength on my left side. As it's all down that side that's why they're thinking something neurological. I have a history of migraines so they think it could be a hemiplegic migraine. I have a little bit of a headache with it but it's not bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 27/04/2017 17:48

CT scan was all clear. They think it's probably a type of migraine, even though this is different to how migraines have been for me in the past. Been told to take painkillers and if it continues to see my GP who can refer me to a neurologist who may be able to prescribe a different pain killer but I probably couldn't take it with breastfeeding anyway.

OP posts:
Sunshineandlaughter · 27/04/2017 17:57

Did they check your iron levels whilst you were there?
Hope you are feeling a bit better now.

Sunshineandlaughter · 27/04/2017 18:48

I only ask as anemia can present with tingling/numbness although obviously in your case it's the one sidedness of it that's the key thing.
Whatever it was I hope you recovered a bit this eve. Hopefully this was just a stress symptom.

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 28/04/2017 07:44

No, they didn't check my iron levels. I'm going to book a massage in case there's a pinched nerve or something. Even if there's not it would still be nice to treat myself.

Emotionally I'm still struggling. Everything seems to be a reminder of the past and conjures up memories of me and my husband. I'm trying just to ignore it and not sit thinking about it when those reminders come but it's hard.

OP posts: