Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I don't know how to get to tomorrow

903 replies

iwasagirlinavillage · 27/03/2017 16:14

I have a thread in relationships about my marriage collapsing. As a result I can feel myself succumbing to depression and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I already take ADs and I had CBT which ended just before the separation. I just can't do this. Even breathing feels like an almighty difficult task. I have two children so I know I just have to keep going but if it was just me I'm quite certain I would have given up by now. I feel like I've completely slowed down physically, like I'm starting to shut down. But shutting down would be a welcome relief. Although then I think of my DDs and know that I can't do that and a wave of exhaustion hits me again and I feel the weight of it all afresh. I can't do this.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 18/04/2017 08:43

I know. I said exactly that to my mum, that I just need to deal with it because wondering or being angry at him doesn't solve anything, but this is my outlet to rant and rave about him and the situation and if I don't do that it will eat away at me.

I have friends coming over today but I will seek legal advice ASAP.

OP posts:
googlebox1 · 18/04/2017 09:04

I know it sounds like you have had a horrid time but you try to remember you still have a lot going for you. Your parents sound really supportive, you have two healthy children, you are on maternity leave and you are young. It does get easier but it takes time

googlebox1 · 18/04/2017 09:09

Also don't know where you are but I got an Aupair girl to come and live with us. Wouldn't have managed without her

Joto369 · 18/04/2017 09:33

Rant away!!!! I understand that totally and it does and will help you to get it off your chest. I'm just little miss practical at times!!!!

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 18/04/2017 09:54

I just can't comprehend how someone can do this to another person. You can leave your wife but why do you have to destroy her? Why can't you remain decent? Why can't you still be there for your children?

OP posts:
Joto369 · 18/04/2017 10:13

That's a difficult one. I couldn't understand why my ex could never be there for his kids but bottom line was he's an emotional fuckwit. My sons soon realised this and now one doesn't speak to him and the other is doing it on his terms. All you can do is be the constant for them and never put him down (I'm sure you won't!).

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 18/04/2017 10:16

How could my judgement have been so wrong? I was one of those people who said he would never do this to us. He told me countless times that he would never do this to us. It was a conversation we had after it was done to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 18/04/2017 10:40

I almost feel a sense of relief that there are no other ways he can screw us over now. He's done the worst he can do. There are no more ways he can hurt me.

OP posts:
Peaches77 · 18/04/2017 11:08

Are you sure it would go in today as it's Easter Tuesday it mightn't go in until tomorrow?

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 18/04/2017 11:27

It would normally go in on a Saturday. Today would be the latest taking in to account bank holidays.

OP posts:
nigelforgotthepassword · 18/04/2017 11:29

I would start by calling him and asking him politely as possible if he intends to pay enough morning to cover the bills etc into the relevant account.
If he says no, then you need a solicitor.
I know it's hard but he isn't your friend anymore-and you need to protect yourself and the kids

Littlemisssorrow · 18/04/2017 11:35

Have you made a single claim for tax credits? Have you been on the "entitled to"website? I would encourage you to do this if you haven't. Also, get a claim started for child maintenance.

He's a grade A arsehole. I also had to deal with I've too, you have my deepest sympathies. Out of sight, out of mind.

Stay strong OP. It may not seem survivable right now but you CAN do it. You WILL get to the other side and be happy again. Flowers

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 18/04/2017 17:11

I'm going back to the GP tomorrow. I don't really know why but I think I need to be honest about the suicidal thoughts I've had. I'm scared though.

OP posts:
Impresionante · 18/04/2017 17:23

That sounds like a great plan. Hope the GP finds a way to help. When I had a recurring problem with my knee, GP said there was nothing to be done, until I started to go in every time it happened, at which point they said, oh, there is an op that would help.... Different health ailment but same issue, possibly. Doesn't seem right that you have to make the effort to persist, but if it's the only way. I know I keep mentioning HV, but they may be able to help with some respite nursery nursing.

I know you don't need a list of things to have to deal with, but have you told your council that there is only one adult resident? This gives 25% discount on council tax, which you are right to prioritise for payment. It's not like other debts if you fall behind, as you can be jailed for non-payment. A call to DWP would also set start date for making a benefits claim - they will only backdate to your first date of contact, I believe. And that buys you time to deal with it. CAB have a great website for advice on all your concerns, and if you call them you should be able to access support at no cost. Rooting for you. Xx

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 18/04/2017 18:48

I know there are lots of practical things I need to do and I will tackle them as soon as I can. But for now I need to get myself mentally well. I feel like I'm on the brink of needing to be admitted. I'm having real, physical symptoms - headaches, dizziness, numbness, blurred vision. I keep feeling very detached and almost like I'm zoning out of reality. I keep thinking I'm going crazy and what if all of this isn't reality or what if this situation is actually different to how I perceive it to be. What if I'm mentally unstable and not seeing things properly. I'm so tired. I don't know what my GP will be able to do. I don't know what anyone can do.

OP posts:
nigelforgotthepassword · 18/04/2017 19:48

Have you got a local mental health crisis team? Look on your local authority website-there will be an emergency number you can call-possibly under adult social services.Or else a and e. Op, you need help now before this goes too far...

Sunshineandlaughter · 18/04/2017 19:56

In your past depressive episodes have you felt sucidal before?
Have you attempt it before?
I agree, the zoning in and out and losing touch with reality warrants urgent attention.

Sunshineandlaughter · 18/04/2017 19:56

It's probably just tiredness but you should get seen urgently.
Go to bed ASAP this eve

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 18/04/2017 20:02

I downloaded the headspace app and did the first thing on there and I fee like its given me a bit of a boost and rejuvenated me somewhat. I'm having dinner and I'll be getting an early night.

I haven't felt suicidal before and I've never attempted it but towards the end of last year I got all the pills in the house together and sat on the bathroom floor ready to take them. I forced my mind to think of DD1 and DD2 and I text my husband from the bathroom and told him I was scared and I was actually on the brink of taking them. He came and found me and he looked after me. He put me to bed, hid all the tablets in the house, made me and fed me some soup and cuddled me until I went to sleep

OP posts:
Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 19/04/2017 07:49

I'm on my way to drop DD1 at nursery and then I'm going straight to the doctors. I feel so trapped. I'm scared that I might be admitted and that might be what I need, but I physically can't be because my children need me. They don't need another parent to be absent, it would make things a million times worse for them. They need me to be there. I'm thinking it might be best not to go to the GP because I'm scared they will admit me and I just can't do that.

OP posts:
McButtonwillow · 19/04/2017 08:32

Please do go to the gp and be honest about the suicidal thoughts. You've been trying to struggle on with this alone and I'm sure you probably realise now you can't do this without some help, the only way to get that help is to be completely honest about just how bad you feel.

Mental health teams usually try very hard to treat in the community often with daily visits at home to avoid admission however if you do end up needing to stay in your girls would cope and it would be worth it to have a mum who is well again Flowers

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 19/04/2017 08:49

I've got an appointment at 10.30. I went in to the surgery so now I'm trying to kill time and have come out with DD2 for breakfast. Emile Sande - Clown is playing and it's a song I always heard on the way to NICU when DD1 was in. It feels very poignant. I'm on the brink of tears.

OP posts:
Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 19/04/2017 08:50

I feel like I'm letting my girls down in every way possible. I chose a shit dad for them and now the actions of him are causing them to have a shit, incompetent Mum. As if I hadn't let them down enough my not keeping them in my body long enough.

OP posts:
Littlemisssorrow · 19/04/2017 09:23

This is your depression talking! How were you to know that a loving partner could change like he has? Premature delivery is out of your control. You are a good Mum because you recognise you need support and you are seeking it.

You are going through a relationship bereavement. The way you feel is not unusual. I felt the same and many others have too.

I've said it before, but life will get better. You won't feel like this forever. You will be happy again one day.

This bereavement process takes time. You need to process what has happened, process your feelings, your anger, your disappointment and your guilt.

It took me two years to stop thinking about it every day and start to move on. In the short term but was around three/four months before i stopped feeling suicidal (with the help of counselling and medication).

It's been 8 years for me . I met my now DH four years ago. I am happy again. This will be you too one day.

You CAN get through this and you will.

McButtonwillow · 19/04/2017 09:30

You're absolutely not letting them down, none of this was your fault.

Your love for them shines through in your writing. I grew up with a mum with fairly chronic mental health issues, it was just me and her as my parents divorced when I was small. Although I was older then your girls I remember feeling so scared and helpless when she was ill, when she asked for and received help it was like a massive weight had been lifted- the scariest and darkest times were when she was at her lowest and trying to struggle on with no help.

You CAN do this.