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Original poster

If I die can I insist dh takes dc to see my parents?

535 replies

SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 04:43

I'm fairly sure I'm going to die. I suffer terribly anxiety and recently have come into contact with chicken pox to which I am not immune. I have a strong feeling it's going to kill me.
I'm an only child and my parents will be devastated. Dh does not get on with my parents and I likely to take the children and go ang live with his mother. Is there any way I can legally put anything into place to give them some access? Dh works full time so I'd like my parents to be able to do some of the childcare. Also my dc are close to my parents so I feel they would benefit from seeing them as ds in particular will be very upset. Dd is only a baby so won't really know either way.

It's really worrying me. Or do I just have to discuss it with dh and hope he will be reasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 20:34

It'll be me dealing with it all anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 20:35

A mother's job is to keep her babies safe and I've failed less than four months in.

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Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 20:36

Why did I go? I had a really bad feeling about going and that was right. I have bad feelings that are right quite often. Not always I appreciate but at least 70% of the time.

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FarrowandBallAche · 02/04/2016 20:37

You have not failed you are ill my love.

You need to get better as you have your whole life ahead to enjoy.

EnjoyTheSimpleThingsInLife · 02/04/2016 20:40

You haven't failed at all. I'm sure you are an amazing mum to your children and this is why you need to try to get better for them. I know how hard it is, I really do but you can get through this.

Everything you're thinking seems absolutely real. It isn't. It is the anxiety. Until I went through this myself I didn't know anxiety could cause so many physical symptoms and completely take over your mind.

TealLove · 02/04/2016 20:41

No honestly everything is a risk. But your anxiety is a monster and it distorts reality. Please listen to me it's v v hard and it damn near ruined my life but this isn't real I promise you.

cricketqueen · 02/04/2016 21:09

Please tell your husband. You sound really unwell. The chances of complications from chicken pox for either you or your dd are so small. You need to see someone about this anxiety, it is not good for you to be this scared of everything. You can't stay inside for ever. Please speak to someone, your mum, dad, siblings, friends anyone.

lougle · 02/04/2016 21:14

Eliza the statistics are absolutely miniscule. Honestly.

GinAndColonic · 02/04/2016 21:17

How has the rest of your day been? I read you are with your husband now. I had a good day at my Mum's, lots of crisps and chocolate as predicted. The children didn't eat much else, DC3 is teething and whined most of the time.

Please, if you feel the risk from chicken pox is so high, and so absolutely going to happen (in spite of our reassurances) Please alk to your husband and tell him you feel your baby is about to die. Tell him that you are about to die.

Ask him to help you go to the GP and tell them about your fear and your request for anti-virals.

I know you think the risk is real, I know you think it is so real it is about to swallow you whole and life is one big sick joke. But can you think that you are on Mumsnet, a collective group of women who's lives are on the whole happy and healthy. Even with diabetes. We are all telling you that you have been through a traumatic time and what you are experiencing is not normal, but it is common. A lot of women experience extreme anxiety after a new baby. But it is not normal to feel as distressed as you do.

I think the reason why you haven't told your husband, or a friend, or your mother in law is because you still know you are being unhealthy. Deep deep down you still know that there is a better life. A better life where you are not plagued - not plagued by the pox, but plagued by post natal mental health problems.

Please tell someone.

Hairyfecker · 02/04/2016 21:19

You were feeling happy and then these fears come - do you think it's a reaction to that? Like a kick-back for daring to be happy.
You could find counselling to be the most amazing relief, I know I did.

Wolfiefan · 02/04/2016 21:26

Your anxiety is completely misplaced.
It is not a proportionate response to the "threat" of chicken pox
Please. For your sake and that of your children seek medical help.
You need help for your anxiety before you do something really that your little family will never recover from.
As an aside. My DS had chicken pox as an immuno compromised child. (On chemo drug.) We were told chickenpox could kill him. At the first signs we rushed to hospital. They administered a drug to counter chicken pox. He had a mild dose of pox and recovered well.
You are not a lost cause and neither is your beautiful baby.
Please get help.

Scarydinosaurs · 02/04/2016 21:28

If you showed your DH this thread then maybe he would be able to 'get it'?

You've been so open and honest- it would be so helpful for him to hear these thoughts, he would then be able to support you in the way you need?

Hairyfecker · 02/04/2016 22:15

Does the fact that MnHQ believe this belongs in "Mental Health" help you see what posters are really concerned about here? It is not your possible ill health due to chickenpox.
There is a way to feel better and protect your dcs but you will have to tell someone in rl exactly what you are feeling.

Lightbulbon · 02/04/2016 22:55

Op you sound very much as if you have purpeural psychosis www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/postpartumpsychosis.aspx?theme=mobile

Go to A&E now.

You and your baby are in danger, not from chicken pox but from your delusional thoughts.

You can go together to a mother and baby unit. You will be safe there.

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 03/04/2016 01:28

I don't really have any of the psychosis symptoms! I have suffered Pnd but I don't think it's as severe as that.

I need to know that when I get sick they will help me by giving the antivirals. As dh is away on business most of April I'm going to be managing on my own. How can I look after two children if I'm so ill myself? How will I even get ds do school? Let alone managing the worry of dd being ill all by myself. It's just too much.

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CinderellaFant · 03/04/2016 01:47

Eliza- this is your anxiety talking. There is a chance you may get chicken pox but you will not die, neither will your beautiful baby. My dad caught chicken pox a few years ago. He was fine, just spotty!!

From what you've said, you are a brilliant mum who obviously loves her children very much. I think dd being premature has probably made you very anxious. But she is 14 weeks now, your love and care has got her this far and she WILL continue to grow and thrive. And you'll be there to see it!

What age is your ds? Did you have anxiety after he was born?

accendo · 03/04/2016 01:56

Eliza my husband contracted chicken pox when our son was 4 weeks old. He did pass them on to our son who had no natural immunity because I'd never had them either. I took him to hospital and they treated him with anti viral drugs. I won't lie, it was a miserable time and I was looking after an unwell husband 2 toddlers and and worrying about my newborn just weeks after a c/section. But they were fine after a couple of weeks and my husband is as fit as a fiddle and my son is a fit, sturdy boy of 9 now.

cunningf0x · 03/04/2016 01:57

Go to your GP on Monday and say how worried you are about the chicken pox. Make sure you tell them everything. They can give you anti virals and possibly a vaccination. I know that won't help this time but if you don't get it it will prevent the worry in the future. Print out this thread so they understand how worried you are. Make sure you tell them everything you said here.

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 03/04/2016 07:53

So dd has woken up with a horrible cold. She's full of it. It's either the start of chicken pox or some other vile germ.
I'm not even going to go out next week. Ds will just have to stay in too. The house is the only place that feels safe from catching anything else. I'm so fed up.

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Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 03/04/2016 08:00

She's also not feeding so is bound to lose loads of weight. Just as well I didn't order those clothes. Sending them back would have been heartbreaking

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Devilishpyjamas · 03/04/2016 08:01

You don't seem to be recognising how unwell with anxiety you are. Your thinking is not rational.

Please see a doctor & take this thread with you to show them how you feel.

PotteringAlong · 03/04/2016 08:07

You say you would never harm your children, but not leaving the house with DS, making him stay in IS harming him.

You need to go to the dr's, with this thread printed out and let them help you.

GinAndColonic · 03/04/2016 08:10

What can I do to convince you that you need to tell someone, right now in real life how you are feeling.

Can you pick the phone up and call your Mum? Right now, say "Mum, I'm freaking out, I think my daughter is dying. I think the world is conspiring against us."

Your Mum would want to know.

Scarydinosaurs · 03/04/2016 08:13

You do have the symptoms of psychosis. Your fear is clearly escalating (being ill, to being dangerously ill, to dying) suggesting that killing yourself would be better is a massive warning sign.

You really would be better in a mother and baby unit where you would get lots and lots of help Flowers

TyrionLannistersShadow · 03/04/2016 08:15

Eliza you're really not well and not thinking straight at all, even though you think you are. You say you would never hurt your children but your irrational behaviour and thinking will harm them in the end. Please, for their sake if not your own, get help.
Also, I know it probably won't sway you in the least but my good friend and her baby both contracted chicken pox when the baby was 12 weeks old and both were absolutely fine, ill for a week or so but nothing major at all.