If I die can I insist dh takes dc to see my parents?

[SweetElizaRose]

I'm fairly sure I'm going to die. I suffer terribly anxiety and recently have come into contact with chicken pox to which I am not immune. I have a strong feeling it's going to kill me.
I'm an only child and my parents will be devastated. Dh does not get on with my parents and I likely to take the children and go ang live with his mother. Is there any way I can legally put anything into place to give them some access? Dh works full time so I'd like my parents to be able to do some of the childcare. Also my dc are close to my parents so I feel they would benefit from seeing them as ds in particular will be very upset. Dd is only a baby so won't really know either way.

It's really worrying me. Or do I just have to discuss it with dh and hope he will be reasonable?

Hi Eliza, first of all congratulations on your DD
Sorry if this is long, I just want to share with you how I felt, and let you know you will be fine

A lot of what you're saying sounds like how I was a few years ago.
My DD is 4 now, but from around 3 months after her birth, to 12 months, I was absolutely full of anxiety. I convinced myself I had cancer and that I was dying very soon.
I told nobody how I was feeling, in my head I didn't need to talk to anyone, I was dying and nobody could stop it happening.
It got worse and worse until one day I couldn't keep it in any more and broke down, my family were shocked when they realised how bad I was feeling.
They persuaded me to see the GP, I was hysterical telling her I had bad pains in my legs and that I was dying from cancer, she gently told me "No lovely, you're not, you are suffering from anxiety and depression"

I know you are in the midst of it right now but honestly we all believe you and your children will be absolutely fine, I completely understand how you feel, and you won't believe what anyone says because what's in your mind feels so real. It isn't.

Please please talk to someone, your husband, family, friends, someone in RL and get help sweetheart. I suffered (and still am these years later) and I cannot bear for someone else to suffer so long the way I did.

Please, you will be ok honestly, just try to get some help for all your sakes

Although everyone is urging you to seek out RL help which is really important for your recovery, don't feel you cannot talk to us about how you are feeling.We are listening to you.

Also although we can see what you are saying is inaccurate, we do understand those feelings and thoughts are very real for you.

Is your husband home now?

He's home now but I haven't said anything to him. What's the point?
My poor dd, she's only really just got on track from being prem and now she's going to be really poorly.
I just don't feel I can cope at the moment, I'm so tired and operating on less than three hours sleep a night. Weeks and weeks of chicken pox may well be too much for me.
I know she'd have got it at some point but did it have to be now?? In another year or even a few months id have been better placed to cope. I feel sick with worry. I can't see the point in trying to enjoy her, it will only make it harder when she dies.
Or the other option is she will be ok and then I will catch it and be very ill and be left either brain damaged or dead.

Please show this thread to your husband what your saying might never happen to you you need to see a Dr

You and your DD are not going to die. She might not even get chickenpox right now. I completely understand all of this is so real right now and once a thought is in your mind, you obsess over it and convince yourself it is the truth.

It does sound like you have postnatal anxiety/depression, I know right now you won't see it (like I said in my above post, it took almost a year for me to know I was ill - mentally.)

Sorry if you have already said, but are you on any medication right now? If not, it could really help you, it got me out of the grip of anxiety. If you are, then maybe your dose needs altering or you may need a different anti-depressant.

Also agree with SilverBirch please keep posting here as much as you want to, that will also help by not keeping everything to yourself xx

I was prescribed medication but didn't take it and to be honest felt like I was doing much better until this happened. I was just starting to have days where I felt vaguely happy. I should have known it was too good to be true. I must have done something really bad in a past life. That will teach me for feeling happy won't it?

I'd been going out with the children over Easter, had some nice days out with them. Seemed to be managing much better despite the lack of sleep. Periodically actually thought 'I feel happy' which was a novel feeling as all I've felt is worried for months and months.
I should have known really shouldn't I?

Eliza, your DD is not going to die and nor will you. My DS had chickenpox at only a few weeks old and save for a very few spots and a slightly high temperature for a couple of days, he was absolutely fine. You really need to get in touch with your MH midwife and explain how you are feeling. They WILL be able to help you, but only if you can tell them your anxiety is ruining your precious first few months with your DD.

Yes but were you breastfeeding and had you had chicken pox yourself? If so that's probably why your ds had a mild case. Dd will have no defence at all.

Could you maybe think about making an appointment to see your GP to discuss Chicken Pox rather than your anxiety?

Maybe get a list of questions about how to spot the signs in your DD and yourself, what the symptoms are likely and what you can do to treat the illness if either of you do catch it.

It would not be unreasonable to get some good reliable information and advice to help you understand the virus more. If when you are there you may feel able to you mention how much it is worrying you.

Young babies do catch Chicken Pox, their symptoms are usually quite mild with a slight fever, snuffles and a loss of appetite for a couple of days.

I caught Chicken Pox from my DS when he was about a year old. I was quite poorly at first (I have bad asthma), but antivirals and pain killers enabled me to cope and recover.

Op, you sound like you feel like you deserve to feel like this, do you?

I am going to go to the GP and push them to prescribe antivirals when I get chicken pox. If they say they won't then I will try and pay for them privately. I'd like to think being a type 1 diabetic and an adult they would prescribe them but I'm doubtful. They are expensive. I don't mind paying for them though.

Yes I suppose I just think what an idiot I am daring to feel more cheerful. What a stupid stupid idiot. Why should I ever be happy? Now I feel like I will never be happy every again. Going to meet my friend could not potentially have ruined our lives. I genuinely am not going out again when ds goes back to school. I can't keep him in the house all the time, it isn't fair, but dd won't know or care. I can online food shop and apart from the school run when I can wait in the car and just run out at the last minute I'm not planning on going anywhere anymore.

OP you can take anti-virals. Which work if taken soon enough (so as soon as you see a spot).

My son has complicated health problems and a compromised immune system so they were given to him and they really helped.

Sorry I've cross posted.

I won't be able to anyway because by the time ds goes back to school we will be incubating chicken pox and it isn't fair to infect more people. Ds I guess will end up infecting other children but I can't keep him off school really can I? Not until he gets it.

SweetEliza my dd caught chicken pox when she was ten days old,my sons had them before she was born and my husband got them on the day she was born. Dh was poorly but no worse than a case of flu and dd wasn't poorly at all. She has a scar on her knee which was where her first pox appeared but that is the only sign she ever had them.
Even if you and your dd do get chicken pox and it's by no means certain (dh had avoided catching it for forty years in spite of his sister,cousins and friends having them), neither you nor her are guaranteed to be ill.

I think it's the unknown that's the worst part.
We might have them and be not too bad...or we might be dangerously ill. There's just no way of knowing. I was about to buy dd some more clothes in the next size up but I won't now. I don't feel confident enough that she will ever wear them.

Please show your husband how you have been feeling. You do deserve to be happy but you need help to get there.

This is chilling.

Please seek professional help.

Oh God I've so been here. You are not well OP. It's a fantasy its like living in a parallel universe. Honestly this is an illusion.
Please Fgs show your husband this thread. Please you need to get well darling. I've been there honestly over a different situation.

Eliza whereabouts are you? In the event you do fall ill maybe some of us can help out? I'm in Wiltshire and have had chicken pox if that's any use?

You don't need to stay stuck in the house, you will all be fine going outside and where you need to go.

I promise you, you will get through this and none of it is your fault. Right now now just take things one hour then one day at a time. Do you feel able to talk to your husband about all of this??

How can it be an illusion when the risk is real?

There's no point talking to dh about it. He doesn't get it