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Original poster

If I die can I insist dh takes dc to see my parents?

535 replies

SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 04:43

I'm fairly sure I'm going to die. I suffer terribly anxiety and recently have come into contact with chicken pox to which I am not immune. I have a strong feeling it's going to kill me.
I'm an only child and my parents will be devastated. Dh does not get on with my parents and I likely to take the children and go ang live with his mother. Is there any way I can legally put anything into place to give them some access? Dh works full time so I'd like my parents to be able to do some of the childcare. Also my dc are close to my parents so I feel they would benefit from seeing them as ds in particular will be very upset. Dd is only a baby so won't really know either way.

It's really worrying me. Or do I just have to discuss it with dh and hope he will be reasonable?

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 02/04/2016 13:19

Tbf on your friend she probably didnt realise and things are always going round nursery could you show your friend your thread she might not know how upset you are

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 13:20

Yes she is around 7 weeks corrected age.

I know but you'd think she might have mentioned that her dd had been under the weather and it was going round! I would have!

OP posts:
GinAndColonic · 02/04/2016 13:21

That's a great idea MrsJayy, might help her think in the future to be more careful around you and your baby. Must have really scared you SweetEliza

MrsJayy · 02/04/2016 13:21

How prem was the baby ? I had a premmie they are so teeny but really resiliant i found Dd was a very tiny but strong baby never really ill

GinAndColonic · 02/04/2016 13:22

She was 7 weeks early! Oh bless, I can't imagine. Mine was one month early and that was scary enough. Why not send her the thread so she knows for next time what the consequences are? Xx

MrsJayy · 02/04/2016 13:25

Dd was 6weeks plus 3 or there abouts she is now 18 and towers above me and her older sister

SilverBirchWithout · 02/04/2016 13:30

SweetElizaJane I think most of us can understand how these anxious thoughts come about.

Most of us will have some illogical fears for our DC based on things we have seen on the news or read online, no doubt most of us have imagined how awful it would be if we died and left our children to grow up without us. These feelings come from our amazing love for our DC, we fear for them and want to protect them.

For you no doubt these thoughts are also triggered by your prem baby, living with type 1 diabetes and possibly PND.

Those thoughts have now got out of control for you and you need help to get them back to a place where you can manage and cope better.

Frazzled2207 · 02/04/2016 13:30

Please as soon as he comes home just show your dp this thread.
Or a good friend, you are having a very tough time but with the right help you can get through it
X

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 13:41

I don't have any friends. Not real ones anyway. None id bother with about this. I

OP posts:
GinAndColonic · 02/04/2016 13:45

I can understand that. Motherhood can be so lonely sometimes, that's why MN can be a really good support network.

I bet your friends do care, but it's a bit of a funny old time for everyone. No one wants to interrupt a new Mum, they know you're so busy.

Why not try and ask for a little support see what they say?

And if not you can always ask someone on here for help. We'd be very happy to call your husband for you let him know how hard life is for all new Mums.

I think you just need a little bit extra support and you'd feel much better

MrsJayy · 02/04/2016 13:46

How long do you think you should be feeling like this Eliza are you not exhausted would you rather not feel better in yourself your son needs you especially if your husband is going away even if your husband doesnt understand this tell him and tell him you need too see a Dr

GinAndColonic · 02/04/2016 13:46

You just have to tell someone. In real life.

Why not your mother in law this afternoon? Sure she'd have a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on.

Looly71 · 02/04/2016 13:51

Can anyone on here help you? Not sure of mm guidelines as I'm new to site but are you able to give rough details of where you live and then someone close on here could pm you if they are nearby and can hel on any way

Looly71 · 02/04/2016 13:51

Sorry shd read. Help in any way!

SilverBirchWithout · 02/04/2016 14:03

How about your own parents? Can you talk to them about how you are feeling?
I know from your original post things can be tense between your DH and them. But just talking to them maybe helpful.

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 14:05

No she'd be glad if I died because likely dh, ds and dd would move in with her.
She told me she was glad dd was early because dh and ds stopped with her all over Christmas and she got to play Santa again to ds. Never mind that I spent Christmas entirely on my own and dd was in intensive care.

OP posts:
GinAndColonic · 02/04/2016 14:22

You being happy and healthy is the best for your children so it's the best for her too.

Please, tell someone today or let mumsnet phone someone for you

FellOutOfBedTwice · 02/04/2016 14:26

Op are you the poster a few weeks ago who's husband banned you from taking antidepressants for anxiety because of breastfeeding? You need to be taking something. I had severe prenatal and postnatal anxiety and fluoxetine turned it around for me. What you're experiencing is nowhere near normal. You need help.

GinAndColonic · 02/04/2016 15:07

How are you feeling this afternoon? Where did you get to after the park?

Scarydinosaurs · 02/04/2016 18:07

I'm really worried for you, you anxiety is not allowing you to think straight.

Would you consider emailing a link to this thread and an outline of what your worries are to the MH midwife?

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 18:40

We are home now.
In this instance I don't think my anxiety is misplaced really. There is a good chance I will suffer serious complications and a good chance dd will too having received no immunity from me in utero or from breast feeding.
Basically we are screwed as far as I can see.

OP posts:
FiveSixPickUpSticks · 02/04/2016 18:50

In this instance I don't think my anxiety is misplaced really.

Yes it really really is. Please seek RL help.

Scarydinosaurs · 02/04/2016 19:04

It is completely misplaced- you've lost sight of what is rational and normal and what isn't.

Please contact your midwife MH specialist.

You need to put some strategies in place to deal with these intrusive thoughts and begin to enjoy life again. This is no way to live.

HeadTilt · 02/04/2016 19:05

You are being irrational. That's not the normal consequence of adult or child chicken pox.
Please listen to the tiny part of you that knows this. Get help for your mental health, please. Your family need you to be well.

Scarydinosaurs · 02/04/2016 19:06

And I completely do understand how 'real' it feels to you, I had similar reaction to you in that I developed a huge anxiety after DD1 was born related to my DH. It was completely irrational but at the time it just felt so real; it was only once I was better that I could see it for what it was- anxiety.

Have you been offered anti-depressants? They could really help you.