If I die can I insist dh takes dc to see my parents?

[SweetElizaRose]

I'm fairly sure I'm going to die. I suffer terribly anxiety and recently have come into contact with chicken pox to which I am not immune. I have a strong feeling it's going to kill me.
I'm an only child and my parents will be devastated. Dh does not get on with my parents and I likely to take the children and go ang live with his mother. Is there any way I can legally put anything into place to give them some access? Dh works full time so I'd like my parents to be able to do some of the childcare. Also my dc are close to my parents so I feel they would benefit from seeing them as ds in particular will be very upset. Dd is only a baby so won't really know either way.

It's really worrying me. Or do I just have to discuss it with dh and hope he will be reasonable?

Eliza please keep talking to us. We are all very concerned for your mental health and want to give as much support as we can.

You are not alone

And please send me (or anyone!) a pm if you want to chat, sometimes a friendly ear can make the world of difference when you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world with you.

Hi Eliza, you sound so worried sweetheart and I understand that, I really do but there's something that's confusing me about your posts and I hope you won't mind if I point it out? You're desperately worried about yourself and DD coming down with chicken pox but you're writing off the possibility of medical help before you've even asked. You've said OOH are useless, A&E has too long a wait and that your GP won't give you an emergency appointment (you don't have to tell the receptionist why you need one, just that its personal and a genuine emergency) and wouldn't give you anti virals etc anyway because they're too expensive. Now, I understand that some of your reasoning there is based on past experience but I find that medical care can vary wildly depending on who you see and even what mood the Dr is in on the day you see them! And yet you're writing off going to see someone before you've even tried and I can't help but think that's unwise considering your level of concern. In your shoes I would want to feel I'd done everything possible, even if I had no faith anyone would help I couldn't rest unless I'd tried. I won't lie, I agree with other posters that your concerns are disproportionate but they are your concerns and you need someone qualified to hear and address them. I also won't lie and say I don't think you need some help with your anxiety and that seeing a Dr would have a dual purpose in getting some help with that but my main concern is that you obviously have worries about the implications chicken pox could have for you and DD and yet you're not giving any of the medical professionals available to you a chance to decide if your concerns warrant treatment. I honestly think you need to at least go and talk through your worries, whether that's with OOH or A&E today (even if DD isn't with you you can still explain about her being prem and see if they think anything needs to be done for her) or, at the very latest, at an emergency appointment with your GP tomorrow. Please think about it, telling a Dr what you've told us could result in meds for DD and/or you which would stop the chicken pox being a major problem or it could result in you getting help with your anxiety, or both, all of which would be better than how you're feeling now. I'll be thinking about you and hoping you can get to see someone, doing something has to be better than doing nothing in this situation surely?

I had depression and anxiety when DS was a baby.

At one point It was hard to get my DH to understand that I was in a crisis, as he had got used to me being unwell and I just couldn't share with him how very dark my thoughts had become.

I phoned my GP surgery one morning, receptionist wanted to know whether I needed an urgent appointment. All I said was that I was feeling very desperate and frightened and needed help. This woman (who to be honest is renowned for being a bit of a dragon) was so kind and helpful and the Dr phoned me back within 30 mins and was at the house within an hour, and phoned DH at work to get him home until the MH crisis team arrived.

I'm only telling you this because for me it was a turning point, and although it took some time to get totally better, if I hadn't made that call I'm sure the outcome for me might have been very different.

It is very hard to take that first step, and there are many different ways that first step can be taken. Whether it is going to see your GP, phoning Pandas, phoning OOH health care service or any of the other useful suggestions on this thread.

Taking that step to tell someone, who is professionally trained to help, how very desperate you feel is what you need to do today or tomorrow.

You know deep deep down that what you are feeling isn't right. You still have the choice to ask for help, urgent help. Before it's too late.

Can you phone your Mum please? Could I phone her for you?

I agree with other posters...mum's know best. If you are that concerned about you and DDs health go to A&E. Explain exactly what's happened and let them really listen to your genuine fears about outcomes. Don't just sit at home thinking they won't do anything, you really really don't know that. Let them know you are convinced your DD is going to die. You sound like an extremely loving mum who wants to do the best for her babies. So seek and fight for medical attention for them. Wouldn't you rather know you'd tried everything you could to protect both them and you.

I will go tomorrow.

You said earlier you feel you are right about your bad feelings about 70% of the time. Thats a fairly accurate prediction rate. What about the good feelings about good stuff happening? You must be 70% right about those too if your logic follows. Nice odds if you do the lottery. Or do you not have feelings that good stuff might happen or that 'everything might be ok'. If you searched the internet to find the stats on people that never got chicken pox or got it really mildly you wouldn't find much because those millions of people don't bother posting on forums. People with health anxiety, because they google disasters, actually make the disaster statistics come to to the top of the searches on the web. And our minds recall everything it reads then serve it back up selectively biased. Your thoughts are heavily biased towards the negative at the moment but your mind does not want to give up this control by reality testing with a health professional. That might help you take a more balanced perspective with your thoughts. Could you could be wrong about this? A sure sign of someone not wanting to give up their limited viewpoint is a lack of willingness to check their theory with other experts. You seem like a lovely person and your mind is tormenting the hell out of you at the moment, so I would love you to get some help with that.

Is there any hope we won't get it do you think?

I think that's a really brave and sensible decision, please let us know how you get on and don't forget we're here to listen and support you in the meantime if it helps. Your DC are so lucky to have a mum who loves them as much as you obviously do and is prepared to ask for help even when you're doubting you will get it, that shows real strength and dedication to their welfare

The thing is I won't believe the Dr anyway. They can't guarantee she will be ok can they?

She's just so cheerful and happy and perfect

She sounds really lovely, how old is your son how is he coping being a big brother? Hope they've all had fun at your mother in laws.

Do you feel like you could phone your husband whilst they are all there and let her know how anxious you are? Sometimes it's easier not to talk in person but over the phone.

Yes I do think there's hope! Lots of people are exposed to all sorts of virus's and infections without picking them up every day. You just need to feel prepared in case they (or you) do come down with it and talk through your worries and fears with someone qualified to know what's best. It's important you don't play down how afraid you're feeling though so you don't get fobbed off with 'don't worry', if they understand how scared you are they can tackle it properly and help you find ways to control your anxiety, whether that's by doing what's necessary for your DC or dealing with the anxiety directly. Either way it will mean you can enjoy being their mum instead of feeling consumed by fear and you deserve to enjoy your children when you put so much in to taking such good care of them.

OP my DS is 16 and he's never had it. Or if he did it was that weak I didn't know.

He's come into contact with it so many times too.

The thing is I won't believe the Dr anyway. They can't guarantee she will be ok can they?

But they might prescribe anti virals and then you would know she will be ok. It's worth going just for that chance but it's vital you don't hold back on how scared you are so they know to take it seriously.

I came into contact with CP many times before catching it when I was 34.

My DS had no antibodies from me when he caught it at 11/12 months. And, although he was often ill with a high temperature when he got tonsillitis and cold viruses, he had very few symptoms with CP, just 8 spots on his face, a bit pale and a runny nose.

He was in contact with other children who had CP several times before he caught it.

The reason there is not vaccination program for CP in the UK is because it is a very mild childhood illness, and the other benefits of herd immunity for people with compromised immune systems and other health problems are not proven. If it really was a serious life threatening illness for even a small minority of people, an extensive vaccination programme would have been put in place a long time ago.

OP, while the rest of the family are out, perhaps you could call your parents for a chat? Please, please tell them your fears as you have on here. Ask them to help you speak with a medical professional so that you can get the best possible support for you and your DC.

By doing nothing until tomorrow, you are delaying help. With some speedy intervention, you could get some peace of mind and/or meds for yourself and DD.

Will you tell the Dr how anxious you are ? I think we all think you should this id part of your anxiety illness the Gp might not know howw you are feeling and you might come away not feeling better at all

Yes I will
But I will also go armed with studies that show that babies under a year whose mothers are not immune are more likely to experience severe chicken pox and complications.

Tell them everything Eliza. Then they will know how serious it is.

Well if you feel better in taking the information you have then perhaos it will set the ball rolling for you feeling better about the whole thing do tell the Dr what you told us . Your perinatal woman might have contacted you by then

Absolutely nothing wronv with going in prepared. As PP said - tell them everything. X

Good for you.

Are you feeling better today now you have had a bit of breathing space this afternoon?