If I die can I insist dh takes dc to see my parents?

[SweetElizaRose]

I'm fairly sure I'm going to die. I suffer terribly anxiety and recently have come into contact with chicken pox to which I am not immune. I have a strong feeling it's going to kill me.
I'm an only child and my parents will be devastated. Dh does not get on with my parents and I likely to take the children and go ang live with his mother. Is there any way I can legally put anything into place to give them some access? Dh works full time so I'd like my parents to be able to do some of the childcare. Also my dc are close to my parents so I feel they would benefit from seeing them as ds in particular will be very upset. Dd is only a baby so won't really know either way.

It's really worrying me. Or do I just have to discuss it with dh and hope he will be reasonable?

Ds was happy and healthy when he arrived

What else do you think you might do today to get help?

Worry.
The trouble is if I'm seriously ill what will ds and dd do? Dh will be away and I will be managing on my own. What if I get very ill overnight and they can't wake me in the morning? No one will know. If it messes up my sugar levels it could cause all sorts of trouble.

Gin has it. If you know a doctor would be sceptical, then on some level you know it is anxiety that is causing these irrational thoughts.

If you and DS and DD were ill, your DH would come home or your MIL would move in, or you would be hospitalised and cared for by doctors.

Chicken pox will not kill you as you are aware of the risks and you're not going to ignore the signs or not seek help once it begins.

I just keep think why did I go? I had such a bad feeling about it and ignored it. Why did I go? I don't think I can stand to see dd unwell and covered in horrible spots. That's why I don't want to ignore this bad feeling. To be honest I've always worried about getting chicken pox myself, but we were ttc for such a long time that I didn't have the vaccine as you have to stop ttc for a while afterwards and we went through months and months of fertility treatments. There just wasn't a good time to have it.
I've been convinced for quite a long time that chicken pox will kill me.

Dh has gone now.
I do feel so anxious today that I can hardly breathe some of the time. I'm scared to get anymore attached to dd.

You're not seriously ill. Not physically.

When you sort your mental health out you will see that.

Gin is right. Seek urgent medical advice today. They can assess your concerns re the chickenpox and prescribe such precautionary measures as are necessary if they feel that there is a real risk. If the chickenpox is not so much of an issue they can reassure you and help you take steps to get over the anxiety you are experiencing. Honestly there are loads of very effective treatments they can offer you and the sooner you start, the sooner you will feel more rational.

Hi lovely, how are you feeling this morning?

Just want to say again, it is very unlikely you or your children are going to get seriously ill from chickenpox.

How old is your ds? I was fine with my first dd (now 7) but got postnatal anxiety & depression after my second dd was born. It isn't your fault you're not well, and you will get better.

Like others have said, maybe you could show your husband this thread? I'm sure he will start to understand how you're feeling. xx

Does your DH have to go away? Is it absolutely essential? Can he not reschedule? Are you able to speak with your parents? Could they come and stay with you or you and the children go to them?

What would happen if you suffered a severe emergency that needed you to be hospitalised? What would your family do then?

This is a severe emergency. No less worrying than if you got hit by a bus. They'd manage.

Why not phone your Mum and ask her what you can do? Xx

Please listen to the posters. You are having irrational thoughts. I know they seem real and you think we don't understand but a lot of us have been there. It's only looking back that we see it.

Contact your gp or go to a and e now. Right now. Whether you have chicken pox or not you've just acknowledged that your anxiety is so bad you can hardly breathe. Let people help you. We will be here to hold your virtual hand as you do it but this is THE ONLY WAY things will get better.

Guinea the DH doesn't realise the enormity of what's happening so I doubt he is going to cancel his trip.

I had PND and anxiety after my 1st baby i probably had prenatal anxiety too but it wasnt a recognised condition back then it is really frightening I had really dark moments you feel very alone

Could you show your DP this thread? It's pretty self-explanatory. You need support and he is the closest to you at the moment.

Remember you were convinced in the early days of your pregnancy that there was no way it would result in a baby? You have to keep reminding yourself that you were wrong then and you're very very very likely to be wrong now in what you're thinking. Your worries are resulting from your mental health problems, not reality, so if you get your mental health issues sorted out you will feel so much better.

And if your baby has had 14 weeks of breastmilk, you've done absolutely fantastically and you can certainly begin to introduce formula and stop expressing at night.

If what you fear actually happened and you or DD became seriously ill (I'm quite convinced it won't happen in all statistical likelihood) you can't seriously think your DP would just blithely still go on all his business trips anyway can you? I also have a useless and completely unaware DP but even he wouldn't do that. can you see that that is more irrational thinking? and no wonder you have it after all you've been through - fertility treatment, prem baby, health issues, useless partner. honestly it's no wonder you're suffering now. I've been though similar and really want you to get some help so you can see retrospectively - and it will only be retrospectively, that your poor body and mind are battered by hormones, sleep deprivation, worry, stress, shock etc and that is why you are catastrophising the possibility of chicken pox.

with my first baby, post infertility and miscarriage and all the stress that goes with that plus my father dying suddenly shortly before i got pregnant, I was convinced Id miscarry the whole pregnancy. Just before I found out I was pregnant ID been helping clear some rubbish at the bottom of my Mums garden. it smelt a bit uriney down there and was overgrown. once I found out I was pg I was utterly convinced that I now had toxoplasmosis in early pregnancy from cat wee and would lose the baby. I was convinced it was developing in me as soon as I found out I was pg. I even paid for an expensive private blood test for toxoplasmosis, which of course was negative. I did the same later in the pg and for various other theoretical mc-casuing illnesses. I can see now it was anxiety not real risk of catching an infection. we were at a wedding in france at about 5 m pregnant and I started freaking out because I ate something in a pattuseries and as I was swallowing it someone said you do know that won't have been pasteurised chees right? I was convinced on the spot I would shortly be developing Listeria and would lose the baby. I too was planning how to get home in time to MC at home, what funeral arrangements we'd need at 6m etc. It took a wedding party of people to make me see that just because I had eaten some unpasteurised cheese, that did not automatically mean it had Listeria in it. even if it did, it did not automatically mean that I would get it, my immune system might fight it off. I can see this so clearly now but it was so hard then. please get some help now, I didn't and feel like I wasted a lot of my DC early years not being able to enjoy them and regret it now that that first baby is about to start secondary school!

Op, you sound just like my DM when she doesn't take her meds. She too thinks she isn't paranoid.

As for the chicken pox, the younger the child is, the milder the symptoms. And to add, I was 6 weeks old when I had it back in the early 80's. My DC had it last year. My youngest coped better than my eldest.

In your area there should be a mental health crisis team. Please contact them and tell them you feel that you and your DD are going to contract cp and die. They will take you seriously, not because you and your DD are going to die, but because you are ill, mentally. You need professional help and medication. The meds will help you cope when your wanker dh is away.

If you don't learn to identify to warning signs, it will only take you longer to get better and you may even be sectioned. If you work with the mental health team, they will not section you unless you are a danger to yourself or anyone else. Trust me, I had to fight to get my DM sectioned. She was talking about saying her goodbyes and I went mental on the phone at the team.

You also need to show your dh this thread. At the least, show him my post. Because your dh sounds like my dad. Prefers to put his head in the sand than look after my DM. As a result, she isn't able to live a normal life. She can barely go out. She has constant paranoid thoughts and her and my dad don't have a normal relationship. They don't go out, they don't have holidays etc. And I don't have a normal mother daughter relationship that other people have. I can't leave my DC with her, because the meds now are so strong (think 40 years of damage done) she isn't able to. I can't go shopping with her, go out for lunch with her. I couldn't even take her wedding dress shopping because she can't stand being around other people. She also left my wedding early because her anxiety went through the roof.

So please, please seek help for how you are feeling now. Because once the chicken pox issue has gone, your anxiety will still be there and you will find something else to focus on.

Eliza, I did a search of your previous posts (sorry, I know that always sounds a bit stalkery!) and you said this on 26th March

Because I've suffered so badly from health anxiety and post natal depression since having Dd I can no longer tell when my worries are real or not. I am constantly worried about her dying and so every little thing becomes a major worry.

Go to the GP - you know that things aren't right.

Op, I asked you earlier if you felt you deserved to feel like this and you said you did. Can you appriciate that that is abnormal and that other people don't feel like that? Have you always felt that way?

What you're attempting to do at the moment is gain control over your life by not going out. You have felt very out of control with the way the birth of your baby played out, and the chicken pox so are trying to get more in control that way. You are trying desperately to think of things you can do to help you feel more in control.

Because you are not thinking straight at the moment, the thoughts you are having are not rational. Can you try and take a step back for a second- what advice would you give to a friend if she were in your position? Think slowly, think carefully, take you time and write things down. Organise your thoughts out onto paper and critique them. Question weather you think they could be rational or irrational ones, think about what people have said to you on here and question a bit more deeply if you think perhaps they may have a point. Especially those who have been in your shoes and can see what's going on.

Would you like to feel better about yourself and your life? Because you can, and you deserve to. If you have thought before that you're not sure which thoughts are real or not, which thoughts are irrational or not then now is the time to listen to eberyone saying that these are irrational thoughts. We can see it more clearly as we are that step away from it all, looking in, and you are not very well at the moment so it's harder for you to see it. Your illness is telling you it's rational and makes sense.

Gain your control back by going to see a medical professional, tell your DH. He doesn't have to 'get it' or 'understand it', a lot of people don't. He just needs to appriciate that you need help and support you. Wouldn't you want to do the same for him if he was unwell? Isn't it 'in sickness and in health'?

Stop looking at the chicken pox to get control, look at your mental health. The answer to feeling better is 100% related to that. You and your children deserve and need you to do that.

I don't think I will ever feel happy or content again. There is always something horrible lurking around the corner.

I literally had about a week where I'd started feeling better and probably happier than I had in a long time and then this happened. The message is obviously don't be an idiot you'll never be happy. Something will always happen to ruin it.

Why not be proactive and seek help