Keeping it real in the depersonalisation/derealization hang out thread

[JeepersMcoy]

Following a thread in Chat where a few people have said they suffer from depersonalisation and derealization issues I thought it would be nice to move the conversation to somewhere a bit safer and out of the Chat traffic. It has really helped me to just hear that there are other people out there who feel how I feel and I would love to be able to come and share good days and bad days with you all.

Biscuits, cakes and nibble are provided along with a selection of hot and cold, alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages (all dietary requirement catered for). Pull up a chair and and together we can attempt to hold onto some semblance of reality.

Bursars I am sorry to hear your news.
That floaty feeling is probably you protecting you from getting the full brunt of the situation.
I hope you're ok

Sorry to hear that too

Big hug Bursars xxx

Morning everyone.
Hope all are doing ok.

It's roasting here already.
No plans beyond avoiding decorating.

Just catching pokemon. It actually seems to help my agoraphobia so thats good. Not at work for a few days so attempting to have some less stressful times before the school holidays hit.

Ahh, school holidays.
We have no plans all summer (already had holiday)
A few day trips I guess. I'm as disorganised and unprepared as ever
Have finalised a pile of paperwork, bank stuff etc that I kept putting off, I even got to the bottom of the pile!!
My very P/A personnel manager has set up a capability assessment meeting with me, she has a loose relationship with the truth and with employment law but hopefully they'll pay me what I'm owed and terminate my contract, simply and quietly.
Will be a weight off my mind.

Goood My DS tried to explain the Pokémon thing to me this morning.
He said I'd get far too distracted and end up god knows where!!

I saw my mother today and was telling her about last Tuesday's baby delivery. I explained how I felt afterwards and my 'other worldly' feelings with a total removal of all my emotions. I said my husband suggested it was a bit like PTSD as I am also having flash backs and nightmares

She laughed and said I was a drama queen

She is a real bitch

Some people just don't get it clearing. Sod 'em.

I forgot to put dinner in the slow cooker today, so had the genius idea of having a BBQ for dinner as it was so sunny. Invited a friefrief Dh's who also works with me as well and just had a really lovely evening sitting in the garden. I actually feel like a real normal human who can have a nice time with a friend! Hurrah!

I have been toying with the idea of having a play with Pokemon go but not got around to it. Apparently there is a gym out side our work.

I have a very supportive mother too inaclearing 😉

I tell mine nothing, it will only get used against me at a later date. Took me years to disentangle myself.
You're not a drama queen..... You delivered an early labour baby and took care of mother and baby.
Nursing experience or not, that's a fairly fucking dramatic situation.

I'm sorry your mother chose not to see it like that.

BBQ sounds nice Jeepers

Morning all, and thank you for the sympathy. It's sad the IVF failed, but also good to know the result, as it's the uncertainty that's always the killer for me. Now I don't have to think about it until the next treatment cycle comes along. I'm going to try to focus on tackling my binge eating and bulimia stuff for a while.

I've been chasing Pokemon too. Unfortunately the game keeps crashing on me all the time, so it's been more frustrating than anything. And I do feel a bit silly fiddling with my phone outside a pokestop, but hey ho.

inaclearing sorry about your mum. Like Room I also have one like that. I've been slowly learning not to tell her anything of importance either. It's been difficult - disentangle is a good word.

BBQ sounds nice Jeepers. :)

So hot. I don't really have anything summery and appropriate to wear. I get really self-conscious in revealing clothes, so it's not my favourite weather.

Glad you're feeling more positive Bursars
Focusing elsewhere sounds like a good plan.

I love the heat but can't sit in it anymore and since I turned into a walking fridge, hate trying to do anything whilst it's hot.
I also struggle with what to wear.
Clothes and looking well always came easy to me, so I find the daily task of feeling comfortable very upsetting.
I have to cover up, hate feeling exposed.

I sat here last night 'punishing' myself with a carton of icecream.
My eating follows exactly the same pattern and messed up logic that my drinking did.
It's very frustrating to watch myself self sabotage in a 'safe' way.
My world won't fall apart if I'm a size 20, it will if I pick up a drink.
It's quite a twisted way to treat myself, really.

Still..... There are worse things to be than fat and I haven't yet got to the point of dealing with my relationship with food.

I told someone at work a little of what is going on for me. I asked them to check in with me from time to time, and also to remind me to go to lunch.

Now I feel like I massively crossed a line. They said they do not feel burdened and asked if I minded if they let their spouse know. I do not mind, not at all. I have met their spouse, although I do not know if the spouse will remember me.

This is an understanding person whom I trust. I feel terrible. Overwhelming guilt for burdening somebody. At the same time, I feel safer going to work today.

Crikey, this is hard. Whose idea was this?

You haven't burdened them erinaceus
You've reached out and asked for a bit of support, which can be extremely scary.

And you feel safer which is brilliant, I totally understand that.

That sounds like a big thing for you Erin. It can be hard to tell people what's going on and even harder to ask for help. You really haven't asked them for much (even thoughit obviously means a lot to you) and you don't need to feel guilty about it.They sounds very respectful to have asked about speaking to their partner, so I think you have made a good choice.

I don't really know how I am today. Sort of blank and a bit numb I guess.

Hi all.
Fairly manic day with excess of energy that I still haven't burnt off.
Feeling very speedy but it's not tipping over yet, which is good.
Haven't been productive, just restless and loose endy.

Hoping tomorrow is calmer.
Went to an AA meeting tonight, saw guy I was seeing.
He done his pally pally, over familiar spiel again and I told him to stop.
He protested he was only being polite.
I tried to explain why he has no right to comment on how 'lovely' I look, how his opinion is disrespectful.... All went totally over his head and he was back at it 10 minutes later.
Complete tool.

There are worse things to be than single.

Morning all.

I slept on the settee last night after not being able to settle and pacing the house for ages.
My excess energy from yesterday has converted to anxiety and I have that impending doom sensation we mentioned recently.
It's breathing down my neck, it's looming just out of sight.
It feels very big.
I dropped the DC to school and music in car wasn't pushing it out.
I'm restless, itchy and scared. Low level but it's gaining momentum.
My daily Citalopram is not touching the sides. I'm pre-menstrual which always makes my meds useless.
I haven't refilled my Xanax script due to not wanting to face the doctors surgery
Plus, my addiction 'issues' mean I'm supposed to use it as a last resort.

I'm headed for a gloomy one. Planning on sitting tight.

Just to chime in with what the others say, erinaceus, well done for reaching out for support. It doesn't sound at all like you're burdening anyone. Many people are actually really happy to help if it's in their power.

Room would it work if you told the bloke you just don't want to speak with him? If explanations don't work on him, maybe blanking him would? Or would that be awkward since you both go to the same meetings? I'm sorry the energy turned into anxiety, though. Could you try to face the GP for a general chat about medication? Something besides citalopram that you could take regularly that wouldn't come with addiction issues?

I'm drowning anxiety in wine tonight. I had counselling today, and it's left me lots of thoughts (that I didn't actually talk about in there but that popped up on my way home - typical!). It's still too hot for comfort here, and I'm listening to some energetic metal and watching DH do some gaming. I'd play myself, but there seems to be something wrong with my PC.

Is anyone else finding the heat just stultifying. I feel sticky and exhausted and weighed down. Yuk!

Me too. It makes my brain feel even more mushy than it already is.

Crikey. Bad today. Feel completely misunderstood by everyone. Feel afraid and alone.

Oh erin, that's rubbish. Do you want to talk about it?

It is rubbish. I feel as if the more I work on understanding my emotions in psychotherapy the more overwhelmed I feel by them. Then I start muttering to myself and imagining conversations I would like to have with people who are not there and then switching off and not being there myself. All the while I am out in the world going through the motions and feeling disconnected all inside.

I never had multiple identities in the clinical sense, and I definitely have a lot of child-self stuff going on right now, and I am still doing adult functioning some of the time, and I feel confused a lot.

My gosh that was tangly.

erinaceus sorry your day was bad. Get it out on here, if you can.

Thanks Bursars
Bloke is the type who fills silences with chatter, tells 'funny' stories when he feels awkward. Fairly basic defense mechanism but annoying.
Unfortunately have to organise a meeting with him for now so can't avoid.
AA would tell me I've been sent this situation to teach me something

Re. My medication, yeah probably is time for a chat with doc.
Those pesky opiates are not my friend though, so I have to be constantly vigilant.

Not tangly at all erinaceus

Makes sense to me.

I'm so used to being me that it's only having to try to explain (to doc and pysch) what being me entails that makes me realise how complex my mental health is.
It is overwhelming