My heart is broken

[Wibhay]

I just had to have my beloved cat Rita pts. Part of my heart has just died with her.

I have just got up and gone outside to Rita's grave and lit another candle. I was a bit upset as the other one had gone out and I didn't want her to think that I had forgotten about her. I'm now just laying on the sofa near where she would sometimes sleep of an evening. My heart is breaking and I feel I have nothing left in me

This is the worst time. Some food and a little sleep will help enormously.

Just popping in to offer a hug. I'm so sad you lost your lovely little Rita. Black cats are the sweetest! How lucky the two of you were to have found each other. She was clearly loved by you. Losing a beloved pet is so very hard on the heart. Please be gentle with yourself. Xx

Big hugs. Rita was beautiful. I lost my 2 girls within 2 months of each other a couple of years ago, I'd had them 15 years. I thought my heart would break. It's just those horrible moments when you think you see or hear them, and you forget just for a split second, then it all comes back.

Take it easy on yourself, you will get over this. And try to remember you're only this upset because of how awesome Rita was and how much she added to your life-you wouldn't have been without her would you?

I'm in so much trouble at work because I phoned in sick :( it's just not fair.

Op, my heart goes out to you.
Be kind to yourself, and try and rest. Explain at work what has happened, you are suffering a bereavement.
I know you think you won't get over it but you will, it just takes a long time.
When my old boy was pts, it took me 6 months to stop randomly crying, although threads like this start me off again, and it was 9 years ago!
We went on to get two 5 month old kittens, sadly at 9 months one went missing, and the grief began again. I still have one who I adore just as much as the others ( I've lost two in RTAs)
Although I know I will have to go through it again in a few years, I could never be without a cat.

Once today is over, try and keep busy, but allow yourself some tears too, and keep posting if it helps x

Don't worry about work right now. you are in no fit state to be there. if everything falls apart because you aren't there well that's down to their poor organisation not one person phoning in sick because that can happen at any time.

this day is for you to have a bit of time and space to deal with things so don't waste it on worrying about work. focus on you .

please remember to eat something today.

Don't worry about work at the moment. You're in a job where not being all there could have serious consequences for others so if you're really not up to par, calling in sick was right.

I wouldn't mind but I even asked for it to be unpaid leave so it's not like I'm scamming the system or anything. They are so strict with their sickness policy it ends up making you more sick with worry

It will be better once you get back. Your being isolated and miserable is most of the reason for your worry.

PS - have you had some breakfast yet?

Thanks for your reply cozietoes. No I've not eaten, I'm giving up. I can't bare the pain and I just miss her so much. Every time I close my eyes I have horrible flashbacks. I keep hearing her walking about or meow. I can't cope and do this any longer

please get yourself to the drs. maybe they can give you something to help you calm down and get some sleep.

please try and eat. she wouldn't want you to give up.

so sorry sweet heart

I can't take this pain, every hour that passes it gets worse. I will never be happy until I get to see her again. I can't live with what I did. I want to be with her and see her

What do you mean you can't live witg what you did x if you are talking about having her put down then please don't del on that. putting them.down is the last act of kindness we can show our pets.uts painless and it stops them suffering. pets don't know that they will or won't get better. they just know that they are in pain now

it's always hard as an owner to make the call between prolonging treatment or ending the suffering. you were a good owner. you did it. despite all this pain ot would bring you.

please don't regret it.

this always gets said but it's so very true.

"Better a week early, than a day late"

It was too late she was in pain and suffering. I was selfish and now I pay the price

It's hard. it's bloody hard. don't beat yourself up over struggling to make the decision.

you got it together and you did it. we aren't vets, we aren't experts all we can do is our best.

she had a wonderful life with you. she was clearly loved. don't forget what you did for her. if you feel you made a mistake, well that still doesn't undo all you did for her. and all the love you have.

I used to work with animals.

trust me I've seen many a person struggle with this decision. some still couldn't do it even when they were on the brink. they just couldn't.

but you did. Rita was one of the lucky ones you did a brave thing and you can't change what happened. please please don't dwell on it.

you loved her and she loved you.

Is there anyone who could be with you now?

I went through all those emotions too. I felt like a murderer. Now I know it was the right thing to do. When cats are ill they can walk away and hide. I think that's what my boy would have done. Then the foxes may have got him. At least he went to sleep peacefully and felt no more pain.

Just keep talking. Everyone understands, they really do

I'd agree with a PP. Get yourself to the doctors or - given the time of year - I'd even consider A&E if the GP Isn't possible. You need some sleep and calories, even if you have to have a little help to achieve them.

OP I am getting a bit worried about your state of mind. Losing a pet is utterly horrendous especially if you have had to make a tough decision but as others have said you really have done the kindest thing..... it is the last act of love. Are you on your own?
Each day is one day nearer to you feeling ok again and the grief is so very real. As hard as it is now, these raw feelings and emotions will eventually pass.

Wibhay would you feel able to give the Blue Cross pet bereavement counselling service a ring? Can't link from phone but they are trained to talk to people in this exact situation. I nearly phoned them after my old boy died.

The number for the Blue Cross pet bereavement counselling service (mentioned by TimTam) is 0800 096 6606

Thanks for the number I did give them a call yesterday

OP I can't believe how many pressies Rita got last year more than me.

Have you called the pet bereavement service?

I'm worried about you my dear. You are grieving and it's completely normal. It's horrible, so horrible. But you can carry on. The pain eases with time and the lovely memories take over from the grief.