I can't stop thinking

[Criminy]

I've name changed from my usual name for this.

I can't stop thinking about killing myself. It's all I can think about. It feels like a compulsion.

I've tried looking at various webpages, but they just don't seem to work for my situation. They talk about suicide being a "permanent solution to a temporary problem", as apparently depression is a temporary problem. Well it doesn't seem to be a temporary problem for me, & I can't remember a time when I felt better. And the advice to think of something you like doing/think back to a time when you were happy is just rubbish because there isn't anything I enjoy doing & I can't think of a time I didn't feel like this. All I can think of is suicide. I don't know what to do.

You're very quiet today, Criminy. What mischief have you been up to, then?

Sorry, I've spent most of today bawling my eyes out. I've no idea why. I hate myself crying. I don't understand it. I'm not sad. So why have I been crying?

I don't know, sweetheart. But if the crying is a replacement for SH, then it's probably a good thing, I suppose. Are you feeling weepy now?

Oh hello! Don't worry. Crying is just like a safety valve sometimes. Let's the pressure out a bit. I cry when I'm cross, happy, feeling lost all the time basically

I suppose that on a biochemical level, stress (amongst other things) raises your cortisol levels, and crying is proven to lower them. So on a biochemical level it is actually like a safety valve.

I feel like if anybody talks to me I'm going to burst into tears again.

Well it's a good job we are messaging then. Stop the leaks occurring.

I didn't know that biochemical fact. That is very interesting.

I think crying sounds good. It is a real emotion and requires some level of connection with your thoughts and surroundings.

What about chocolate??? Doesn't that also lower your cortisol level? We'd better all have some, just in case . . .

Good thinking Lammily...

I do have chocolate. And since you've prescribed it I'd better do it!

That's the spirit Criminy!

Do you all have a favourite chocolate type or are you like me and will Hoover up eat any?

I'll take anything.

Used to love Cadburys, but not anymore.

Am quite partial to Sainsbury's Belgian Chocolate now, and have a bit of a thing for Guylian seashells.

Guylian seashells make me come out in hives!
Cadburys is not nice anymore I agree. Whole Nut used to be my favourite of theirs.

I'm trying to track down a new Galaxy bar that my friend mentioned. Galaxy Salted Caramel.

My sister now lives abroad, and asked DM to take out a childhood treat on her last visit. Sis was very disappointed that the bar of Caramac did not live up to her memories

I always think it's going to be nice... Never is!

I've never had a Caramac bar!

Salted caramel Galaxy sounds amazing though.

when I mange to find it I'll send you one too

I'm in bed with a chocolate biscuit or three and a cuppa.

I can confirm that salted caramel Galaxy is luscious.

I'm sorry you've had a tearful day, hopefully those tears have done some good.

Guylian seashells - mmmmmmmm it is very tempting to leave everyone sleeping and go and get some. I might just go and get a bourbon instead, we live 6 miles away from the nearest 24hr supermarket. That's probably too far to go just on a 1am chocolate whim!

I find something quite comforting in feeling tearful. At least I know I'm feeling something even if i don't know why Hopefully it's a bit of a turning point for you and some emotion breaking through and your mind starting to heal.

Sending love

Morning Criminy, Lammily and everyone

It's a very damp grey morning outside. I don't really want to do today but I'll give it a whirl. Only one left after this then it's easter holidays.

How is your arm today?

Hi criminy-personally I think tears are good. It shows that all the tension and 'bad stuff' is finding its way out. And that's a good thing. Don't try to suppress them or hold them in. I learned in therapy that that's how I ended up so depressed in the first place! ALL emotions are valid and the best thing to do is let them all out!

Apparently in Japan, they have "crying clubs" to relieve stress!

I heard they have cuddle clubs too!

I'd like to go to a crying and cuddling club in one. Although you may end up a bit soggy shouldered.

I spot a business opportunity here! They pay about £30 an hour to simply co-sleep.
Extras include:
Customer sleeps in girl’s arm (3 min) £5
Girl pats customer on the back (3 min) £5
Customer pets girl on the head (3 min) £5
Customer and girl stare at each other (1 min) £5
Girl changes clothes (1 time) £5
Customer sleeps with head on girl’s lap (3 min) £5
Girl sleeps with head on customer’s lap (3 min) £10