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I can't stop thinking

938 replies

Criminy · 08/03/2015 14:16

I've name changed from my usual name for this.

I can't stop thinking about killing myself. It's all I can think about. It feels like a compulsion.

I've tried looking at various webpages, but they just don't seem to work for my situation. They talk about suicide being a "permanent solution to a temporary problem", as apparently depression is a temporary problem. Well it doesn't seem to be a temporary problem for me, & I can't remember a time when I felt better. And the advice to think of something you like doing/think back to a time when you were happy is just rubbish because there isn't anything I enjoy doing & I can't think of a time I didn't feel like this. All I can think of is suicide. I don't know what to do.

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LammilyDoll · 20/03/2015 11:46

Apparently there's another good eclipse in 2026. Put it in your diary, Criminy Wink

TheSilveryPussycat · 20/03/2015 13:15

I saw the eclipse too - peeking through a space in the clouds.

So glad your meds are sorted. What a bummer re smoking - when I was in last year (hypomania) on the Assessment ward I could go out and smoke any time, but on the other ward I was on, it was only at quarter-to the hour, but at least it was every hour! There is a push to get mh service users to stop smoking...

Sad to say, it always seems to be a waiting game to see a psych or anyone who can really discuss treatment. (And last year I was in over 2 BH weekends, one Easter, so that reduces the times you can be seen, and hence also increases in-patient time Sad )

So glad DC are coming to visit. (small rant - when I was in for a few weeks in 2003, my then H refused to let DC (14 and 12) visit, he said it was protecting them, but I was so sad to see others having family visits.)

mypip · 20/03/2015 16:47

sorry you are suffering so, hope you can sleep well tonight and enjoy seeing your DC tomorrow morning. thinking of you, pip

MrsEvadneCake · 20/03/2015 17:25

Hi Criminy, Lammily and all!
I'm glad you got to peep at the eclipse. Great news about your meds and the DC visiting.

Hopefully Monday will bring a better idea of what's happening. In the meantime we are all about still to keep you company Smile

I went out with the KS2 children and saw the eclipse. We shared my special glasses. It was amazing and their responses were brilliant. It's great when science is engaging like that.

MummySparkle · 20/03/2015 18:20

It was cloudy here, no eclipse for us :( we tried to watch the live feed on the smart board but it kept saying 'buffering!' Think our KS4 kids were disappointed as there's been lots of hype, and they don't remember the last one.

Unfortunately not much happens in hospital at the weekends. Is ask your DH to bring you lots of things to do. Have you got a Tiger store near you? They have some fab activity books that would be fun as adults too.
Really glad the DCs are coming to visit. Have you been talking to them? How much do they know about what's been happening?

Sending love x

Criminy · 20/03/2015 19:57

About the smoking - apparently, as from April 1st there will be no smoke breaks because the site will be completely non-smoking. Can't see that going down well!

At the hospital trust I work for we were told that psychiatric patients had to be given the opportunity to smoke because some of them were "sectioned", so the hospital was their residence, so they had a right to smoke there. Well this seems to fly in the face of that.

This place operates different levels of supervision too. I'm currently on level 3, which is [supposedly] 15 min obs & only allowed to leave the ward accompanied by a member of staff or family. I just asked a nurse very nicely, and she's going to bring up my level at the meeting tomorrow morning - level 4 is half hourly obs at day, hourly at night, & you can leave the ward unaccompanied (but need to tell nurse & stay on this unit's grounds.)

So it was a mixed bag for the eclipse then? Sums up the British weather well!

I got my Skype working tonight so Skyped the kid's for the first time, they seemed so excited, they were so sweet. Ive got no idea what they know, but that's a good point, I need to find out what DH has told them.)

Must pop off now, almost time for 8pm smoke run! (Last one until 9am tomorrow!)

As always, thank you all so much for posting, it really means a lot to me.

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MummySparkle · 20/03/2015 20:42

Glad youve got your Skype working. Talking to family and friends made my stay easier. Have you got any other close friends on Skype that you could chat to?

It was overcast all morning here, then the sun came out all afternoon, as if teasing us for not showing us the eclipse! It got a little dark, but that's all. Definitely sums up the British weather!

I was in hospital when the first smoking ban came into affect. I remember the outrage at not being able to smoke indoors and the 16 & 17 year olds not beig able to ask nurses to buy ciggies for them anymore. Hope you enjoyed your smoke break. It's a lovely clear night here, I just had one looking at the stars x

Criminy · 20/03/2015 22:56

I have a friend who I hadn't seen in a while who works at this hospital, and yesterday I told her I was here. Today she surprised me by turning up for afternoon visiting! So that was a lovely surprise!

DH has sorted all my work stuff out. He's called my manager & told her what's going on, & has arranged for a sick note from the hospital. He's still banging on about how much this is affecting him though. I think he's starting to realise how much hard work the kids, house & pets are.

I don't know whether to be concerned about my arm or not. I hit it quite a lot on my wardrobe so it's all bruised and swollen. I think I'm going to have to tell someone but I'm a bit scared.

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MummySparkle · 21/03/2015 00:37

Oh lovely, I've only just seen your post. Tell someone. They are there to help. The more they know about what's going on for you, the more they can refine your treatment to get you better again.

Stuff your DH finding things hard at home. Right now things are about you, and getting you well again. Glad he's sorted out your work stuff though.

I hope you're managing to get some sleep now. You're doing really well.

Flowers
Criminy · 21/03/2015 00:59

I told someone about my arm. It looks a right state now. They called the doctor, who said it needs x-raying, so they're just trying to find a member of staff from somewhere to take me up to A&E.

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MrsEvadneCake · 21/03/2015 08:07

Morning. I'm a total lightweight and fell fast asleep!! How lovely to get a surprise visit.
Glad your DH has sorted things. He needs to just get on now because you are the priority. I'm not being mean but I've had my DH hospitalised with his chronic pain and also a very scary virus and you just have to support them and get your head down and get on. He's just being vocal and you need to change subject or ignore him.

How is your arm?

MummySparkle · 21/03/2015 08:08

How are you this morning Criminy? Well done for telling the staff ((hugs))

LammilyDoll · 21/03/2015 10:35

Good morning to one and all! I'm a total lightweight, and only just woken up Blush

Criminy, if you have to SH . . . well, you just have to do it, that's obvious. But the important thing is what happens next. That is where you have a choice, and have to make a decision. And you decided to tell someone, to get help. And for that, I'm very proud of you. x

Criminy · 21/03/2015 10:38

My arm's pretty bad. It's swollen massively & red & purple from fingers to elbow. Was going to post a photo then thought it maybe wouldn't be appropriate. The doctor thought it was broken but it's not, just very badly bruised. I'm supposed to wear it up in a sling to try & calm it down a bit, but they've lost my sling.

I've been put on 5 minute obs because I can't keep myself safe. They were going to put me on level 2, which is continuous observation, but that would've meant I wouldn't have been able to see my kids in the family room. Level 3 (which I was already on) is usually 15 min obs, but they've modified it to 5 min obs for me. Although I've not seen anyone for about 20 mins now!

Had a bit of a chat with a nurse, he wanted to know why I hurt myself, what I was feeling when I did it & afterwards. But the thing is I wasn't feeling anything. I don't know why I did it. I don't think there was a reason. I wasn't angry or upset. I'm not sure I even made a conscious decision to do it, it just happened. He said did I want to kill myself. I said I genuinely don't know - but I need to. I'm very confused.

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LammilyDoll · 21/03/2015 11:04

As MummySparkle said last night, this is actually helping them understand what's going on inside your head. And that's good, because it's not really possible for you to describe your feelings, not in ways they'll understand.

Do you think your Asperger's makes this more difficult?

(Just to be clear to any lurkers, I'm not suggesting SH is good. Absolutely not. But Criminy is doing it anyway, regardless of what we post on here. And she is dealing with the aftermath in a healthy way.)

Criminy · 21/03/2015 13:32

My last psychiatrist was sure that the Aspergers was why I struggled so much with emotions. Unfortunately I don't think many of these mental health professionals realise this, so they either think I'm lying or in denial.

I find myself saying "I don't know" in answer to so many questions. I know it's frustrating for them, but they don't seem to appreciate that it's also very frustrating for me.

Seeing the kids was good though, got lots of cuddles & chattering , although DD was a bit stand-offish

Thankyou for your continued support.

Have any of you got plans for the weekend?

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LammilyDoll · 21/03/2015 13:44

How about saying it slightly differently? For example: "I find it difficult to put into words" or "It's just a feeling, not a conscious thought". That might help, perhaps.

Shopping and gardening for me today, then mountain-biking tomorrow, I hope.

You get your beta-endorphins via self-harm, I get them via frightening myself on a hill Grin

MrsEvadneCake · 21/03/2015 14:02

I'm glad you had a lovely visit. Sometimes it's being in a different place that makes DC a bit standoffish. My youngest DS was always clingy and quiet visiting DH.

Your Aspergers I would think is making it harder to explain things. It is trying to find and explain an abstract thing. Just telling them what you can is going to be helpful though. You said you didn't know why you banged your arm and weren't even sure it was a conscious decision? My DS bangs and taps when he's agitated or under stress. To the point where his hands sting unless we point out he's doing it. The same way he leans up things to find his place in a space without knowing it.

My plans this weekend: easter bonnet. Making easter gifts for teachers. Washing. And I'm going out for a walk at some point!!!

MrsEvadneCake · 21/03/2015 14:03

Lammily you sound very adventurous Grin

I'm sick of feeling unfit.

LammilyDoll · 21/03/2015 14:12

I'm sick of being unfit too. Old and unfit. My bike is largely an All-terrain Zimmer Frame, as we plod up hills together. But the downhills are lots of FUN Grin and adults don't often get enough fun and silliness.

MrsEvadneCake · 21/03/2015 14:38

I totally agree. I love fun but it's gone a bit just lately. All work and no play is very bad.

MummySparkle · 22/03/2015 00:46

I'm in the process of an adult autism assessment (slow, because there's a really long waiting list). I very much resonate with being unable to put my feelings into words. "I don't know" really seems to irritate some MH workers, but I genuinely don't! I find myself tapping in times of stress too, most of the time I'm not very aware that I'm even doing it, let alone why I am. But it's incredibly hard to put that into words in a
Way that others understand. I'm not sure I can put my feelings into words in a way that I understand. And now I've confused myself! (Been awake far too long!)

I'm pleased to hear your visit went well. Are they keeping you on a modified level three for now, or have they moved you to a level 2? Would you feel safer with more obs? (Even if they are a pain!)

Sorry, I feel I'm rambling somewhat. It's been a very long day here, with very little sleep.

I hope you're managing to get a bit more sleep than me Flowers

MrsEvadneCake · 22/03/2015 08:52

Morning Criminy, Lammily, Mummy and others.

Criminy how are your pain meds going? I hope they are starting to work a bit more efficiently now. I've been thinking of you and hoping you aren't feeling too flat today.

Mummy it's hard that it takes so long for a diagnosis. We ended up paying for a private Ot report for our DS so we could get him supported, although the school were amazing help. I'm dreading him moving up this year to year 7. The OT asked if I'd considered a dyspraxia diagnosis myself. I clearly am...but I haven't persued it. Maybe I ought to.

Lammily have you been throwing yourself down hills this weekend? Smile

I'm hiding in bed for a few more minutes. This weekend I've felt really tired. I've got easter doo dahs to do for school and washing but I don't feel like it. I wish I could have a beach day!!!

Criminy · 22/03/2015 14:59

Afternoon lovely ladies! (And any marvellous men who may be lurking out there!)

How are you all doing? Having a nice weekend? There's blue sky & sunshine here, bit chilly still, but that's what coats are for. Shame we're only allowed out for quick 5-10 min smoke break 4 times a day. It's been 2 hours since the last one, so an hour to go until the next one!

I was v lucky with my Aspergers diagnosis. I was referred to perinatal psychiatry for ante-natal depression when I was pregnant with DD (and stayed with them for far too long). My psychiatrist took an actual interest in me, & discussed me with some colleagues at Cambridge University, who gave her a whole heap of assessments to do on me, all of which showed I have Aspergers. So I didn't really have to wait or fight for a diagnosis.

I grew up in the countryside & used to cycle for miles & miles. I had a lovely Specialised Ladies front suspension mountain bike. I loved it. Then we moved to the city & my bike didn't get used for years. We're in a village now though, but my bike got stolen a couple of years ago, & with having little children there seemed little point in replacing it.

I've always fancied kayaking, but wouldn't have a clue where or how to get into it.

I used to go horse-riding when I was younger (much younger), & I'm sure there must be companies up on the Peak District that do pony trekking type things - I'd love to go & do that for an afternoon. Every summer I say I'm going to do it but I never do.

Pain meds are finally working, so my back's a bit better, but my arm's a mess. The bruising & swelling's even worse. It's a bit more bearable when it's up in a sling diagonally across my sling. I hit the stupid thing again last night & bruised the tiny patch of wrist that had no bruises on. Don't know why. Although, & I know this is going to sound utterly stupid, but I feel a bit like a failure for not breaking it in the first place. Just another thing in the long list of things I've failed at.

I think I'm back on normal level 3 now. Somebody sticks their head in every so often. It should be every 15 mins, but it's more like every 30.

One of the nurses cornered me last night to have a bit of a go at me - she seemed very aggressive & a bit angry. I think she was basically trying to guilt trip me about the kids - how do you think the kids feel that you're in here? What do you think they'll feel if you kill yourself? They'll be devastated, forever, always wondering why & thinking it was their fault...blah blah blah. You think by killing yourself you're escaping all your problems, but really you're just transferring them onto your kids...but I don't think that at all. Not At All. I just have this almighty compulsion to destroy myself. I guess I don't really know why.

But then the other little voice in my head rationalises it by saying that the kids would be better off in the end without me anyway. I'm very confused.

But part of the reason I'm here is so that I don't kill myself, because the compulsion is so strong
I'm starting to get a tiny suspicion that this deep need to kill myself is rationalising it by saying my kids would be better off without me. That's the thought that keeps appearing in my head, but I don't know if I actually agree with it all the time or not. But then it's my thought, so it's me, so it's what I think. Then I just get so confused. Being brutally honest, if I left hospital now I would kill myself. I can't resist the compulsion, because it's what my thoughts are so it's what I want to do. I ache to do. My head's so messed up, I'm just so confused.

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LammilyDoll · 22/03/2015 16:43

Ooh, can I come pony trekking with you? I'd love to try it, but horses look a bit scary to me. Dangerous at both ends, iyswim Wink

Do you think the nurses are playing "Nice Cop, Nasty Cop" with you? In an attempt to find out what's really going on inside your head? It does sound pre-arranged to me, otherwise it would be rather unprofessional.