I can't stop thinking

[Criminy]

I've name changed from my usual name for this.

I can't stop thinking about killing myself. It's all I can think about. It feels like a compulsion.

I've tried looking at various webpages, but they just don't seem to work for my situation. They talk about suicide being a "permanent solution to a temporary problem", as apparently depression is a temporary problem. Well it doesn't seem to be a temporary problem for me, & I can't remember a time when I felt better. And the advice to think of something you like doing/think back to a time when you were happy is just rubbish because there isn't anything I enjoy doing & I can't think of a time I didn't feel like this. All I can think of is suicide. I don't know what to do.

Morning Criminy

Morning.

I'm so sorry. I know I said I'd try but I can't. I'm going to take the dog out for a walk after lunch, just trying to decide whether to let him go or tie him up somewhere obvious where he'll be found.

Thankyou for all your help, I really do appreciate it.

You've stayed this long. One more day would help.
Stay and talk to the crisis team today. Tell them your plan. Let them help you by seeing you need admitting for a rest.

What are you having for lunch?

Hanging on another day seems like a good plan to me.

How about a walk with the children and the dog instead.

It will get better.

It's the final sign though. Nobody has even mentioned Mothers' Day to me. That means they're already over me. Which is good. It's obviously what they want to. So now everybody will be finally happy.

I don't even know when the crisis team are coming. They said they would but I'm not sure I believe them.

Have you spoken to your mom this morning?

I think you need to. To tell her how you feel.

There was nobody in when I called a bit ago.

I just want everyone to have the best lives they can, so I need to go. I'm so sorry for wasting your time.

Errr, come on Criminy, I know you can do better than this. No-one's mentioned MD round here either, but I'm taking that as a sign that everyone is distracted by other stuff. Certainly not that "they're over me".

You aren't wasting anyone's time.

If your DH hasn't done anything for you for Mother's Day then the only thing that is a sign of is what a huge arse he is.

If you want a sign then take this one more seriously. Strangers believing in you. Wanting you to have a future. Thinking of you and knowing you deserve to be happy. If you want your DC and parents to have the best life they can then don't take away your own. They will miss you.

Criminy, please call someone. Have you been given an emergency number? If not, call the Samaritans. Or call 999

Criminy, I'm not saying you must never "do it". Just not today.

If that's your choice, then please make sure that your children will always know how much you loved them. How you do this is up to you. There's an interesting article in yesterday's Times, about a young woman who recently died from cancer. She left behind 5yo twins. She wrote a book for them, and prepared a Memory Box. They will always know they were loved by their mother. Yours won't.

Samaritans 08457 909090
NOW Criminy

Morning Lammily.

Criminy think about the things Lammily has said. Just a bit longer is not a problem. Speak to your mom too.

Ok. I will try & stay until the crisis team come.

I see your point about the kids. I want them to know I'm doing this because I love them.

Hello Evadne!
Thank you for posting the sunset photo last night. Beautiful!
I thought you might like to see these photos taken by a friend when we stayed in a cottage near Hope a few years ago.

The lady I mentioned was Kate Gross

Thank you. I love taking photos.
Those are beautiful. I love nature, being outdoors. It makes me feel fresh and alive to see the beauty.

Criminy I've realised something. When you said about wasting our time. Actually you've allowed me to meet some lovely MN here and helped me too. Good decision to try for a while. You need to be very honest with the team which I know is hard.

I have this picture on my living room wall. I took it on the road up to Hope. DH was driving & I took the photo through the car windscreen!

I always felt peaceful out in the countryside, it's why I like taking the dog out for long walks.

I love how you framed that through the arch

Oooh, I mountain-bike on them thar hills!

Teach your children to love the countryside too, Criminy. Do that for them first.

It was a complete fluke, we were doing about 40mph at the time!

I'm going to take the advice & take the kids & the dog out for a long walk.

Thankyou all

Good!
And I would like you to find 10 different signs of spring to show them.
Maybe with photos too? Report back later

Hello OP
We would again urge you to seek RL help
Very kindest to you

Brilliant! Share your loveliness that you spot.

I've just been to asda i need a dark room now.

Hello Olivia

Just popping in again, sending strength and warm wishes