Psychiatrists hate her! One weird £5 trick for Mental Normality

[Ennn]

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Mavis flaked out of coming round for a bath every evening this weekend. And just when I'd got the hidden camera set up, too.

have turned up the heating so high all my fat should melt overnight and my bedroom floor will be a chip pan by morning

Mmm. Chips.

My favourite thing from the Chinese takeaway over the road used to be a portion of chips, a portion of plain chow mein, and a portion of prawn crackers, all dumped on a plate and slathered in mayo and soy sauce.

Carboriffic. I wonder why I was 18 stone.

Mmm, I just love it when the smoke alarm randomly goes off at 7am.

Hi again.

Just running my Last Bath before today's Return To Work.

I'm convinced (possibly irrationally) that a certain colleague hates me. And I neeeeeeed to contact Line Manager and Union Rep for a Wee Chat about recent mentallness and Where We Go From Here.

DS' latest earworm: "Dod [God] is dood [good] to meeeeeee / Dod is dood to me / He holds my hand / He helps me stand / Dod is dood to ME"

How can I leave someone so little and sweet to go to work?

good luck tooth

Bless her, Tooth, I hope today goes ok

Thanks for the good wishes. I'm in the office now. Neither the colleague-who-I-think-hates-me and the one who was nice and kind and supportive before are in. It's perfectly plausible that they're working elsewhere, but I can't shake the obsessive feeling that they're somewhere together, slagging me off. Because I'm eveil.

*evil, I mean

Just remind yourself that you're not the centre of the world, and therefore it's unlikely that two people have planned to meet together to talk about you when they should be at work.

That used to work for me sometimes, I needed to be a bit rational and, as lt would say "engage the adult part of my brain".

You're right.

And I've just had a pop-up on an email sent round to us all saying that Nice Colleague is on annual leave this week. One fewer to worry about, then.

How's everyone else today?

Quote of the day from the crisis team "we don't usually see people your age, I think you might be the youngest person I've ever seen".

I'm 28 - not particularly young surely?!

Ugh. Wallop. Here comes the part where I pay for the last couple of weeks. At least I knew it was coming and have preemptively increased the antidepressant dose.

Why can't it just make me okay instead of overshooting and burning out my happiness circuits?

How weird Caulk.

Crap bollocks I don't want to do it again. I can't.

Is there someone you can see about it, can there be something else as well as the ADs?

Am seeing care coordinator tomorrow. I made an earlier appointmrnt than the one I was sent for the beginning of March as TBH I knew it was coming even while I tried to tell myself I could be high forever. Also depression group today.

I suggested lamotrigine to my last one as it's worked before but he thought it might push my mood too high and also suggested topiramate, but nothing came of it.

I hate depression.

How odd. You'd have thought they saw lots of young people. I'm seeing them every other day this week, unless I need to see them more often. My CPN says I've got through it before, I will get through it again.

Up.

Have you seen her already today?

Yes, she rang this morning and changed the time to 11ish.

How was it?

The march appointment is with the doctor and my care coordinator. Last time I saw her, she said that she'd see me when i saw the psychiatrist, but if it turned out to be a long wait I could see her earlier if i wanted. But I still have to wait until march to see the doc.