Being Mentally Normal: The Theory and The Actuality

[Mitchy1nge]

we must be on part 11 or something by now?

It's always a bad idea to compare yourself with or try to take responsibility for your siblings IMO. My brother's currently wondering whether to take up the offers of headhunters who want him for fancy jobs in the city If I compared myself to him I'd just give up right now Whether your brothers work or not, and why, shouldn't affect your decision to take time off work to benefit your health. I know you know this already

Agh, DD has been awake for 3h, I have no idea what's wrong with her :( I'm hoping she's not feeling poorly again, she seems to catch everything going at nursery

Oh and I need a fit bit, I'm not quite sure what one is, but I need one...

I did a product test for a fitness tracker for MN. It was a bit of fun, but ultimately felt a bit pointless on top of the other tracking I do (Strava and MFP) and I lost the device after hardly any time at all. It wasn't a FitBit though; maybe those are better.

With any luck it's just one of those inexplicable wakeful-child things and not another bug.

I think it'll be the wind, and the current lack of wind.

Am wide awake, having blown things out of proportion and put myself in the centre of the universe and single handedly ruined everyone's lives. The rational part of me knows this isn't true, I probably haven't but ya know...

I've ruined a lot of people's lives, in my head. I can't seem to give them credit for their own f*ck ups
DD chatted away to herself and finally went to sleep about 4am. She's due in nursery soon and still asleep
At least I can catch up on sleep today..... My parents have gone away and left DHorse in the care of supergroom, as apparently I am incapable. I can still go and pat her tho (DHorse, not DGroom)

Maybe the groom is feeling a bit sorry for herself and would appreciate patting? Can you feed the horse sugar lumps? Or grass? Or whatever it is you feed them for a treat?

She likes carrots and herbal treat things
How are you all feeling today? I'm about to drop off DD, then find something mentally normal
To do for a few hours...

I have a doctors appointment at 9:20. I'm not sure what I turn up and say, other than I've stopped being able to cope, look at my notes, don't make me go to work.

I am polypooic (which is great, am sure you were all wondering) and had lots of dreams about wandering around an enormous derelict house that I was somehow living in, with bulging ceilings that were dripping water and threatening to completely collapse on and all around me

I did fall asleep in a mild state of panic about not really wanting to be mentally normal at all and wondering if I can just stop it and go back to the not normal normal

but today's apprehension is all about going for a run with someone who is much faster, her slow pace is pretty much me flat out, it will be about 8-10 miles so have taken precaution of whole tablespoon of honey in my porridge

I love derelict buildings but not ones with bulgy ceilings.

I will do your run if you can do my doctors. Thanks.

I now have four weeks to be as mentally abnormal as I need to be, with the recommendation of another four after this.

I seemed to freak the gp out a bit by telling him all the things I am doing but yet still feeling Not Good, his recommendation is to talk to the psychiatrist or the therapist, which I am already doing. Thankfully he is one of the nice ones so said to go back if I need to and left it at that.

Morning all. Good luck caulk at the doctor's.

I'm oscillating between crying about how dreadfully hated and vilified and unsupported I feel by work and the universe in general for my job so suddenly to have been pulled like this, and between considering all legal and employability options for redeeming my career from this mess. It's about my own self-respect. I am (was?) very good at my job, and was unequivocally acknowledged as such: I won awards, and was looked up to by colleagues. For the sake of my own mental normality, I need something other than my obscure crafting hobbies to be good at. That said, I have looked into the possibility of selling my outputs on Etsy. The chances of me making more than a fiver a week profit would be tenuous, but I am tempted. I know it's what a colleague did when the same thing happened to her after a diagnosis of MS. I think she did some form of hand-engraved jewelry, or something.

My other question is, how do I redeem this mess with my colleagues? I've had a couple of texts in the past few days suggesting that I "take a few days off" - in my paranoia, I hear that as either "please stay off the premises otherwise Occ Health will come and get you" or "go away and sort out your own shite by yourself - we come to work to do a job, and looking after you is not within our job description"

Sorry about the brain dump.

I can only suggest what I've done, which is to get signed off, tell work you need a break and spend that time thinking about what you want to do, need to do. Put yourself first, all that stuff.

I suggest getting signed off too, if oy for some breathing space

I'm considering it, certainly. My only hesitation in doing so is the concern that it could be used to evidence that I'm too ill and incapable to work anyway. The workplace does not have the most pristine of track records with basic equalities issues (though from prior experience they are at least less bad at it then the Church).

But yes, I clearly need to be a bit more focused on where my priorities actually lie.

Caulk how are you feeling now?

Calmer now that I don't need to go in, however I wish I was off and faking it or on gardening leave or something. I'd rather be at work than as mentally abnormal as I am currently.

I think it'll be a waste of a voucher going to the cinema today. My bedroom window was banging until 4, and DP chose today to try to help me get up at a reasonable time by bringing me tea and meds in bed. And now there's someone using a pneumatic drill in the road outside my window.

[groggy]

I think you are totally within your right to go outside and about at them.

I did go out one year and shout at the Rotary Club Christmas milk-float-with-a-PA-System-playing-cacophonous-and-distorted-American-recordings-of-Christmas-songs. Loudly. With swearing. In a scary Northern accent.

They have never stopped on my road again

very successful run :) beat my recent 10k best (by about 32 seconds but whatevs) and kept up with the young gazelle and achieved main current goal of making the last mile the fastest regardless of overall pace - I actually broke a sweat despite wearing only crop top, vest and thermal top (and buff for my ears) and two pairs of tights and running tights

then back at newish running-friend's house she said 'I don't suppose you eat cake?' which is a left-handed compliment if ever have heard one so was compelled to eat slice of iced (and marzipan, yum!) Christmas cake as post-run carb replenishment (it was good)

Hooray! Maybe I should spend the next four weeks running and not just lying in my bed being mental.

Superb Mitch.

running is a strange one, there is a whole section in my care plan about my running - about how it can be a Good Thing but how I also use it as a form of self harm

maybe will dig it out for an indignant read in a minute