Being Mentally Normal: The Theory and The Actuality

[Mitchy1nge]

we must be on part 11 or something by now?

Maybe the time will come again. Everything is cyclical.

Having a CPN makes one officially abnormal, be careful what you wish for.

Would you like one of us to pretend to be your cpn? I don't have one either and don't really know what they do except come and see you with htt.

I'm generally still not happy and wondering when it will end. I want to be happy or normal so I can at least enjoy the time off work. Which obviously I wouldn't have if I was happy so I suppose I am expecting too much.

have been lucky with the one I have now, since 2009 I think , and the social worker I had before

I don't see her all the time though, think we only started up again recently ish when I suddenly shed about 15kg

my first cpn was a cunt, he tried to get me to sign a blank care plan that he intended to fill in later and when I refused he got really eggy with me. He also liked to talk about me to my friend as if I wasn't there, talking about 'the burden of caring for the mentally ill', I don't think anyone had really explained to me that I was mentally ill in those days so it was insulting in multiple ways

Mentally abnormal? Me? Never.

I'd better stick with just my care coordinator and baby psychiatrist, then.

They keep going on at me about how he's leaving soon and I'll be allocated to another psych on the team, in a gentle "prepare yourself and don't pitch a massive mardy, you mental, we know what you people are like with all your abandonment issues" kind of a way, ignoring the fact that I don't have and have never had any problem with "abandonment" (or as the rest of us call it, moving jobs)

I'm hoping whoever I get shifted to has a fairly collaborative approach and is open minded towards experimenting with drugs

In other news, I've just filled up my pillbox for this week and am unreasonably excited at the fact that there are now only two folic acid tablets left in the bottle, after which I'm starting a B-complex. Woo. (My medications apparently affect B6 and B12 levels as well as folic acid, and I don't like to supplement indiscriminately.)

Wow, Mitchy, he does sound like a cunt. Getting people to sign a blank sheet is the sure sign of a charlatan or a con artist

Such a shame that sick leave never seems to happen when one is well enough to appreciate it, Caulky

I don't mean appreciate, that sounds arsey. I mean, when one is well enough to enjoy it. There. That's better.

The "best" friend has been on gardening leave since November and will be till feb half term. I am very jealous of her just getting to sit about and see friends and all that. She takes 5mg of fluoxetine due to her depression though, so maybe I should be more sympathetic.

What do care co ordinators and cpns do?

My care coordinator listens to me bibbling on about my life and my diagnosis/medication/treatment-related gripes every so often, then chases other people on my behalf to get me seen by psychiatrists and, supposedly, psychological services.

I see psychiatrist every two weeks, so I suppose I would tell him? My diary is full of referrals and meetings and things but they are all through him or private.

my care coordinator is an OT, I don't know what her role is really

my cpn is my cpn, she has clawed some prescribing powers away from the doctors and doctresses but doesn't use them wisely, am very fond of her and would want to be friends with her if she wasn't my cpn - when things were much grimmer than they are now she gave me her address and own phone numbers which was unprofessional but incredibly lovely, obviously never used them. she does everything, sort out appointments with Other People, pick those annoying bristly burs out of the spaniel's ears, chat shit etc

She sounds very lovely, and a bit like LT who is brilliant and I would love to be friends with.

I haven't really been seeing any of the MH professionals for long enough to have that kind of relationship with them, although TBH I like to keep things fairly professional anyway.

Maybe the fact I've only been seeing them for a couple of months is the reason they keep acting as if I'm going to respond to people moving jobs with major upset, and asking me every single time I see them about hearing voices - no, I haven't been hearing any recently, in fact have never heard voices ever except when falling asleep. I have to try and avoid taking it personally - I guess they just don't know me very well at the moment.

There's an extremely hot OT in the HTT.

It's like going to the doctor about a bad knee and have them asking you about symptoms of appendicitis constantly. Odd.

Am giving 3.75mg zopiclone a go to try and drag sleep forward and attempting to ignore the risk of cancer and death. Nighty night.

Is 5mg Prozac even a therapeutic dose?
GP later today to assess sick note status. Scared she'll send me back to work :( Want to finish work, can't face speaking to them about how to bring this about
And car is being MOTd at lunchtime. Please pass....

Dunno, might be 10mg.

Millie that sounds like a busy and hectic day, sometimes it helps to write stuff down before the doctors. Is it possible to resign from the current job? Or at least work out the sick pay side of it, so if you stay not working you won't suddenly drop to ssp.

I spent a couple of hours in a&e, in the middle of the night talking to duty psychiatrist and then reassuring them that although I had come in saying I didn't feel safe, I am actually safe, please let me go home.

*CaulkheadUpNorth hope you are ok x

Thanks yes am as fine as can be. I just needed to take myself out of the situation of being at home, and the therapist and I have spent ages planning what to do in certain situations. So I'm home now, and feeling much calmer, with the encouragement to contact cmht or hht today if I want/need to.

Hugs, Caulk, have you got therapy today?

I want to resign from
Current job, but I can't not work as I need to pay for DHorse and DTherapist, if I give up both of these, I dunno how I'd cope

OH earns lots more than I do and is happy to cover household bills, but not therapy or horses. So I'm a bit stuck...

special Monday cuddle for caulk

am extra nice to cuddle today, wrapped in so many layers, think this is the first time I've worn lots of knitted jumpers to run in (although I wear them to the gym, hoping to start a trend)

once group run is over I'm getting under the furry zebra throw and fucking well staying there until spring

Thanks for hugs etc, especially warm jumper ones.
Yes will see LT tonight, which is great. I don't know what I expect her/psychiatrists/htt/whoever to do for me, but I think that someone must know what the magically cure is whatever.

I'm not getting out of bed for as long as possible, we have snow on some ground and it's probably freezing.

I may be deluded, but I have a gut feeling that I'm missing something, in terms of what's wring with me. It just feels like there's something fundamental that I haven't figured out yet, but when I do, things will start to fall into place
I'm probably wrong, but it's niggling me
OH is still annoyed because I'm a fuck up..

:( that can't be helpful Millie - does he say as much?

maybe that's the missing thing, some practical (financial) and unconditional emotional support

Oh Millie, you aren't a fuckup!
When you see the doctor today can you talk about it with them, as well as the concerns about work/not working.
I'm applying for other jobs, could you think of moving to a different role?