am i an abuser too?

[amimymother]

i have changed my name, sorry I am chicken.

i have an 11 week old baby who wont stop crying from colic. most of the time i am handling it really well but on 2 occassions, one of them being today, i have become abusive to my baby, mainly in saying things i dont mean in an angry tone of voice but also i have tapped her cheek with my fingers to try to snap her out of it. today i threw a jacket on the sofa that she was lying on and the toggle hit her in the face. that was an accident but it happened because i lost my temper.

my mother was extremely abusive to me and i love my DD so much i am devastated thinking i am abusive to her too. please help me stop this temper problem and tell me how i can move on from this. i really want help. i have no support really at home as DH is away working a lot and I have no family.

Many parents will have done the same thing. My sister swore so much at hers the neighbours complained, not about the baby noise, but her shouting at them.

You need to try to stop it happening, try to get more sleep yourself and if the crying is too much you leave the room, with the child safe, and go downstairs and just wait a bit until you feel better. Also colic passes. You have very little time left to wait this out.

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Hi

I'm really sorry if this has already been said but I can't read the whole thread as I'm supposed to be going out! Just wanted to say, I've been where you are
Have you tried Craniopothy (sorry about dodgy spelling) for your baby. I've heard alot of good things about it for babies that cry alot. I have a friend who is an osteopath who treated my daughter once when she was teething (at a baby group!) the transformation was amazing.Just a thought.
I hope you get the support you need soon. Babies are wonderful but they are sooooo draining too, never underestimate what a bl**dy tough job it is being a mum.

hi, I have changed my name but this is 'iamher'

thank you all for your honesty in sharing your own experiences. some of you have said I am brave for speaking about it openly here, but I am not so brave. I am a regular poster on MN and have changed my name for this thread because I was afraid people would think I was a bad mother. Now I know I was wrong, you have all been really supportive.

my HV raised a stink and got a psychiatrist to come to my HOUSE to see me today. He offered me a place in a mother and baby psychiatric unit where I could stay as long as I want and a nurse would look after the baby as much as I wanted but I declined it. I felt that was a bit extreme and hated the idea of me only being able to see my baby under supervision. Instead I got a prescription for Prozac which I have started taking today. And my DH has started working from home for a while so I am not alone all day.

So hopefully things will get a little better soon. Thank you all so much for your support it has been priceless in moments when I have sat here crying wishing I could just die for being what I percieved to be a bad mother, you have told me I am not that.

very very pleased you are being offered serious help...you have nothing to be ashamed of...i never change my name to post , even about my depression as it made me who i am today...and if people judge me..it says more about them than me!!

glad you are doing better and DH is being supportive

take it an hour, not even a day , at a time-- it won't be plain sailing, it never is, but it will get better and easier as time goes on....

Your not a bad mother!I think your very brave, just wanted to say good luck and i hope everything goes ok.

xxx

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Just found this thread. Im so pleased you are getting help. I went through something similar - I wish I'd known about MN as I too threw dd on the bed and then thought I was the most evil person on the planet. My HV was the person who came through for me - left messages on her ansaphone and she always called me back and arranged to see me. I too wondered if I was raising some sort of prematurely depressed wreck of a child. Now at 5, DD is the most beautiful thing imaginable - bright, funny, fascinated by everything. She is still a handful, but once they can communicate it starts to get easier. There was a time I thought I would never feel like this! I so hope you will too, as it is so clear that you love your baby to bits. Incidentally, when she was born and crying all the time, my midwife said that the noisy ones were often like that because they were frustrated.

Good luck!

me and my DH were just saying last night that she seems to dislike her limitations at the moment so I know that doesnt help.

I am a bundle of stress at the moment but all the right things have been set in motion so I know things will get better... eventually!

thanks again all for the support its been priceless.