To not bother much with christmas because it's only ds, dh and me?

[Biggamehunter]

I'm feeling really depressed at the moment. I was planning in trying to make the best if christmas but something's happened today that although only small really has knocked me for six.

I really cannot be bothered with christmas this year. It just does not seem worth the effort. All that build up for just one day. And it's only the three of us, it barely seems worth the pretence that we are a normal happy family like everyone else.

Wibu to just do the absolute bare minimum? Few gifts but no tree or special lunch or anything? What's the point really? Even if it is vaguely cheery the other 364 days of the year are fucking miserable.

Are you the poster who is obsessed with having another child to the absolute detriment of your existing child and your mental health? Who has posted before and who is clearly depressed yet won't seek help from the doctors?

We cannot help you. You need professional help. For your child's sake go and get it. You are in real danger of fucking your child up irreparably.

Sorry, cross posted with the TTC update. I'm sorry, that must be very hard.

I think the nurse's opinion of secondary infertility is pretty standard amongst the medical profession. No one wants to know. No one wants to help. What's the point of me going to see them about it when that's what they think?

Biggame, have you actually read what PPs are saying to you?

Yes.
Currently ds isn't suffering. He's pretty happy notwithstanding his desire for a sibling.
It's me who is fucking miserable. I hide it from ds. He will have a happy christmas. I won't let it be otherwise.

This poster doesn't read the responses because she's obsessed with having a baby and can't see past that.

Biggame, you are fucking up the childhood of your existing child. You should not have another in this state regardless. You need professional help for your mental health.

How can you say he will have a happy Christmas when 5 minutes ago you were saying there will be no tree, decorations and you won't do any Christmas activities with him?

If I don't do them I will make sure someone else will. He won't miss out.
He's happy, outgoing, bright and sociable. I don't think for one second that he's having a bad childhood, except for the fact he's lonely obviously.

I remember a previous thread of yours. It stuck with me. It's clear you are in so much pain and too depressed to take forum advice on board. You need professional support. I really hope and pray you'll find something inside of you, believe you're worth it and get decent psychological support. You deserve it, you really do. Even if you can't bring yourself to believe that, your son deserves it. Lovely grandmas are a bonus but a parent cannot be replaced. You are priceless to him.

OP, I get your feelings about Christmas. DP and I have pretty crap family situations and I understand the pain of the 'happy families' stuff being shoved down your throat everywhere you turn.

However, it seems like you have much bigger issues going on. Please listen to other posters who have a better understanding of your situation. You sound seriously depressed - that's nothing to be ashamed of but you sound in desperate need of professional support. I cannot recommend psychotherapy enough. Medication may also be helpful to you. You owe it to yourself and your family to take care of yourself. This can and will get better

Oh sweetheart , my heart is breaking for you.

Of course you are a proper family. I was an only child and i loved xmas day with just me and my mum and dad. Actually our family life was pretty shit but xmas day was the one day when things were just nice.

I totally understand the forced jollity thing but you can a) fake it till you make it or just relax. Have the tree decorate it with your ds. Make some decorations. That sort of thing.

I doubt you are alone in feeling its all for show because it can be that way but it is YOUR day and you do what you want. Actually what you describe sounds perfect just add the tree. Few small gifts a nice dinner - if your favourite family meal is chicken nuggets then have that!

You sound so very low , please seek help because you are missing out on your ds.

I also have had two only children - big age gap, eldest left home. To me that's how it is. Its lovely. They both had the best of my attention. Neither were lonely. You ARE a proper family and your ds loves you x

Ive read your latest replies and to be frank Im open-mouthed even though I know you must be feeling very low and may very well be depressed.

Please go to your Dr so you can start taking the steps to be the mum you know you can be.

Your wee boy said what he did but I wonder just how much adult talk regarding your need for another child he is hearing. But that said, its very normal for children to want what they dont have - my grandson wants a brother even though he has two sisters.

You risk missing out on so much with your son I feel very sorry for the both of you but at the same time I think if you were my daughter I'd be getting you the help you need whilst telling you in no uncertain terms to stop sabotaging what you have.

Sorry you're going through this Bigga. I'm in a similar position, have a DS who is 4 and have had four miscarriages in the last 18 months. I'm in a different place to you at the moment, am putting all my energy into the "perfect" christmas so that DS doesn't feel like he's missing out. Instead of the sibling he wants he's going to get a shit ton of presents . What really gets to me is that if we don't manage to have another, I don't want to have ruined my memories of DS's childhood. I can't imagine what it's like for you though - the hormonal rollercoaster of 4 first trimesters has been bad enough, without all the hideousness of fertility drugs

Please see your doctor. You have taken the first step by writing on here, admitting to yourself that you can't cope at the moment. Be proud of yourself for doing that. Things can and will get better. If you feel toungue tied and at a loss for words when you get to the doctors, why not think of printing out your op and showing it to the dr? It may get the conversation started.
Try and ignore those on here who are being unkind. People make suggestions, and just because you don't take that advice immediately they take affront. You must do this in your own time. Sending you thoughts x

Of course he will notice, he's five years old not five months. If you can't go and get help for you, at least do it for him.

Do you want him as an adult to look back at childhood fondly or to look back feeling he missed out on lots and that he alone was never good enough.

Siblings can be close but the majority fight during childhood. Lots would wish they were an only child just as some only children think it would be great to have a sibling. There are no guarantees.

Be very thankful for what you have, not everybody is so lucky.

Yes totally understand not everyone is as lucky.
But let's be honest: most are more lucky.
99% of people have no problems having babies. For most people it is easy and natural. So there's no point sugar coating it, in the grand scheme of things we have been extremely unlucky.

That must be very hard Got99, I hope things work out for you. Will they look into the recurrent miscarriage for you? Xx

I can have another baby but I can't bring my mum back who was taken from me as a primary school aged child. But yes, you're more unlucky

You have a child, you should be concentrating on him not obsessing about a child that hasn't even be born yet. If you do have another, will they be enough or will you just continue? Your child should feel the most special person on earth not that he wasn't good enough simply because he's an only child.

Thanks Bigga. I had all the tests after the first three and was on a treatment plan for the last one. Sadly it just meant I stayed pregnant for longer with the same outcome... this is what has made me realise that it just might not happen and I need to make the most of life as it is (even though I never ever ever wanted to have an only child) . However research shows that only children are often happier and more confident than children with siblings - I'm clinging to this fact!

So you want another baby, and because a nurse was a bit mean your existing 5 year old has Christmas cancelled at his own house and gets shipped to his GM's (thank goodness) whilst you skulk at home.

Yes. You are unreasonable. Clearly that's not your fault, but you have to seek help from your GP.

Biggamehunter I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. You are in a really tough situation because you know you have to find the strength to get through Christmas making it as happy for your ds as you can, however you think is the best way to manage that. That is so much easier said than done.

I wish you strength and courage over the next months as you continue with the fertility treatment. You should know that I am constantly amazed by the bravery of individuals like yourself who are forced to cope with such challenging situations.

People got very angry on your last thread OP, because you refuse to get help for your serious depression despite the fact you're making your son suffer.

I see that hasn't changed.

I feel desperately sorry for your poor boy. Initially I felt sorry for you too. I know depression makes you blinkered and utterly selfish. Now I think you're so wrapped up in yourself you don't care whether your son is screwed up for life or not.

Please phone your doctor sometime this morning and make an appointment?

^ what Enjora said. Do it for your son.