HTT are handing me over

[EnpoTree]

Woop! Just got a call asking if I wanted to be visited today (er, no, ta) and telling me that they're about to call CMHT to hand me over to them. Finally getting off this daily checking up soon I hope

Yeah, life intervenes sometimes

The tent isn't a cotton or polycotton one and it was put away dry so the only issues are degeneration of the material. I hope. Last time we used it, we pitched the thing only to find an enormous melty hope in the middle of the groundsheet. Luckily we have a footprint for it so it was okay for a couple of days until it could be fixed. Working theory is that it was propped up somewhere hot at some point accidentally.

You don't need to justify holidays anyway

Melty hole.

A melty hole in a tent can't be a good thing although if have limited experience. I camped once with the brownies and never have since because I hate communal bathrooms and I know that sounds ridiculous.

Yeah, communal bathrooms suck. That's why I wash less when camping.

I meant to say, you don't need to justify holidays anyway, followed by saying that however, it's only fair if you miss one due to illness, you should make it up somewhere

Ok, no justification. I'm quite excited about it, I haven't been to New York in ages. We have time to do a few galleries and museums as well as the shops.

Sounds excellent.

I must away. To the gym! Avira Avast!

Have fun.

NY then christmas then skiing

have christmas to look forward to of course, think we are going to France with friends before/during/after/NYE (depending on timeliness of passport renewals)

our fireworks were great, might have set a world record for number of sausages eaten during course of display (5!) now have tummy ache for my troubles, there will be tears

how was therapy? am bitter that last time I tried to access some she spent ages assessing me and wrote to say that I was beyond its reach why not phrase it a bit less horribly, that she didn't feel qualified or know how to help me?

Therapy was good. I've been seeing her for two and a half years and still I have issues.

Fireworks sound excellent and now you've made me crave a sausage sandwich. Serves me right for eating a bag of haribo for dinner.

Oh, and yay to France for Christmas

skiing is about 2 hours away from friend's house (nr Carcassonne), don't know how up for it she will be (bad neck) or if we will sit around eating and drinking all the time? I am an antisocial guest if there is no physical activity and disappear for long runs and walks every day

bet it will be FREEZING too, but it was nice in the summer (apart from the edible dormice running down the walls about a meter from my FACE, anyway am excited about seeing her nudist neighbours again and how they cope in winter

last time I did any skiing was dry slope lessons where I discovered have lost the ability to ski to the left

in fact I ski like an incompetent child now, all snowplough

will be interested to see if personal trainer sessions help, everything is focused on using my left leg, it is the most reluctant of all my limbs and basically gets a free ride everywhere

I need to get off my fat arse and get fit or I'll die skiing.

Love Carcassone, it will be fab at Christmas dormice included.

your riding fitness must be a head start, I credit hours in the saddle with my core strength such as it is

My core strength isn't a problem it's more cardiovascular where I have a slight issue.

Bleh. Who stole my endorphin rush and how do I get it back?

I did two years in group therapy with a Jungian analyst with whose unscientific methods and frequent illogical statements I took frequent issue. In return, she decided I had taken the role of "carrying the anger of the group" and, it turns out, diagnosed me with something rather horrible without telling me. It took me as long to recover from that therapy as I spent in it. It's really hard to hear someone describe their repeated and brutal rapes by their father week after week and feel powerless to do anything about it, too.

um, long run or walk next time it's sunny? commit sexual intercourse with self or other(s)? music/dance? stretch?

these things never last, have been mourning my deliberately induced short term happy state from Saturday (the moon was a lovely blue triangle, then more triangles superimposed on it at intervals forming a circle of pointy bits glowing brightly, and everything everywhere was beautifully patterned and I felt NICE)

have to look for things that are nice anyway, when not in lovely state, things to look forward to, things that are already nice (cuddly or strokable pets) friends, getting warm and comfortable in bed

you won't always feel horrible, it passes

was just wondering to self, do I REALLY want to be euthanised or would going to sleep help? so am going to sleep as nobody ever puts Dignitas vouchers in my birthday or Christmas cards :(

Anyone else telling me that, I'd be giving her a hug and urging her, begging her to tell the police, going to the hospital with her, coming to visit her while she stayed in hospital having her internal injuries treated FFS, but to hear her week after week telling us that he'd raped her again, and not being able to tell anyone outside of those two hours - and to hear the therapist telling us we either did or should (not sure which) identify with or transfer our feelings for our parents and our lovers on to the therapist...

I cried after those sessions and couldn't tell anyone why, except the people in the sessions, and how can I say how upset I am at someone having this happen when she's actually suffering it?

Mitch, that experience sounds really interesting. I've always wanted to try acid, ever since my parents described their many trips to me.

am vicariously traumatised just hearing it third hand

how horrible for you cuddle xxx

You a bit lowish Mitch?

(it wasn't an amazingly good idea to add MDMA once up on it but was curious but it didn't work together the way I'd hoped but it could have been worse)