HTT are handing me over

[EnpoTree]

Woop! Just got a call asking if I wanted to be visited today (er, no, ta) and telling me that they're about to call CMHT to hand me over to them. Finally getting off this daily checking up soon I hope

And have taken diazepam for anxiety since, and it worked, but as I'm NOT anxious at ALL at the moment (most of my anxiety historically has been social/agoraphobic and I'm cured of that now and love being out and with people and talking with them) the benzos seem to have had the opposite effect to intended - all that crap where I ended up walking down the middle of the A road singing with my eyes shut or walking miles away from home and refusin to say where I was as I tried to hitch-hike to Southampton and yelling at poor Mavis and lying stuck in bed all night listening to one madinna track on repeat was ALL in benzos.

ON benzos.

It's like they disinhibit me and I do the stupid shit I WANT to do like not sleeping all night and yelling at irritating fuckers. And they don't make me tired or sleepy or warm or soft or fuzzy or anything, just stop me being able to use dancing and exercise to regulate my mood how I need to.

As I can regulate my blood sugars with what I eat and what I do I will regulate my mood with what I eat and what I do.

I suppose if I just took massive amounts of them I would lie there immobile and look calmer. Then they'd say that had worked. Just like haldol.

Looking forward to seeing Mavis - my primary sexual attraction is towards females so it's hard for me sometimes in a heterosexual relationship to feel I'm never going to be with a woman again - luckily DP is happy for me to be with women but unfortunately likes to join in.

Oh haldol how I hate thee.

In fact the main reason I ended up in a straight relationship is because it was so easy to find men who would have sex wth me when I was 16 - didn't really learn to appreciate Nen as much until a lot later after getting used to DP. I never imagined myself with a man.

Yep, turns out it's bloody neurotoxic too. Haldol I mean.

I had an argument with a nurse the other day about whether Haldol is just a brand name for haloperidol and they're the same thing but that she may be confused because possibly there is a particular formulation of it that is only available under the brand name?

I really need to shave my legs.

They're the same thing.

Have you had it Mental? Horrible, isn't it?

I've had it in hospital. Makes me feel like a giant slug.

I know they're the same thing. You know it. This psychiatric nurse didn't.

It disturbs me how ill-informed some nurses are.

Giant slug is exactly it.

I once tried to do a runner after getting a buttockfull of Haldol. I bet if was fucking hilarious to watch. Felt Like one of those dreams where you're tryin to run away but the brain's paralysis function that stops you actuf out your dreams is noticeable in your sleep so you try to run but your muscles just won't move past a slow crawl

Actuf? Acting.

www.currentpsychiatry.com/topics/schizophrenia-other-psychotic-disorders/article/haloperidol-clearly-is-neurotoxic-should-it-be-banned.html

I wonder how much of all this "you have a degenerative brain disease - the degeneration shows up in scans, blah blah blah" is neuroleptic damage.

I don't think it's a paradoxical benzo reaction as it all makes perfect sense in context. Need to investigate GABA stuff more.

I'm going to try and educate myself on psychopharmacology in order to better understand my position and become a better-informed self-advocate. Anyone know any good resources? Wikipedia looks promising but a dummies' guide to begin with and get an overview before digging into this stuff would be better.

I'm just about to leave the office but I'll see if we have any suitable books tomorrow.

what is all this chat about degenerative brain diseases then?

does it refer to all the broken brain-based theories of mental illness?

I find it quite exciting but seems to be taking 'them' taking ages to muster enough data and interpret it, and is a bit worrying that this new knowledge might come at the expense of sociological and psychological reasons for mental disorders. A good excuse to not properly address inequality.

Cool, thanks Mental!

Mitchy I was thinking of the bipolar kindling stuff slightly but also the idea that schizophrenia is always degenerative and that the brain shrinks etc. but it seems that haldol causes brain degeneration as well - so these studies calling new gen neuroleptic agents "neuroprotectiv" are comparing it to people whobe been treated longterm with haldolvand similar so its very hard to know the NATURAL course of schizophrenia without the toxicity of the neuroleptics people here have been given for generations