Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

[EnpoTree]

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

I took diazepam last night (only one) - I was supposed to take another one if it had no effect. It did have an effect tho - it made me able to lie still in bed for six hours listeningn to Hung Up by Madonna and havingn thoughts chasing round my head rather than jiggling and paving the whole time. An improvement, I suppose

Pacing. Though paving would've been more productive. Imagine how good my garden would look.

I don't know what they mean when they ask about suicide plans. I'm a little literal sometimes.

Rather be a little littoral.

The diazepam is in part why I'm posting here today. I've been uninclined to type of late :-D

Bollocks indeed.

I've no advice but have a hug >

Btw, I think your thread title is brilliant.

I hope that the more helpful posters can give you some proper advice.

Thankyou How for thebhug ajdbthe nice comment about thread title

I am benzo naive, and have had to take prochlorperazine for the resultant nausea and am now dopeyfeeling so apologies for my myriad typos and very possibly labyrinthine sentence contrusctiob.

Surely this is not the intended effect?

Maybe I shall go and find the drunk thread

Yes, the drunk thread would probably work well for you Though not sure if they do one on a Saturday night do they?

Listening to Madonna would make thoughts race around my head too - and they wouldn't be pretty!

I hate not knowing who people are - feel free to PM me

Now paving ... you could earn good money paving, my friend has just had her garden done, it cost A For Tune!!!

I have had a bit of a Madonna thing of late. Poor DP. material girl at top volume for three hours. Me dancing with abandon. Him hiding under a cushion :-D

Just realised that I made it sound like I have troubl with lying because lying got me in trouble at school. The opposite is the case - inability to lie got me in trouble. It's odd, but it essentially meant I expected always to be believed, the way I always was at home, and school baffled me. [Grin]

Despite complying with everything they've told me to and sleeping properly last night, the guy who came round today is insisting that tomorrow I have to see a psychiatrist

He didn't seem at all swayed by the fact that I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week so, what, 12 days away? I don't get what could be so urgent that they need to send a psychiatrist to my actual house when I could just keep the appointment I already have.

Discussing psychopharmacology with a confused degu is going on my list of greatest phrases ever.

I'm not a huge fan of diazepam either. Tis grand when I'm depressed and anxious, but when I'm chipper, it's crap.

I guess you're presenting as super up. I like a bit of hypomania as it seems like payback for the crappy depression. Sadly it never lasts. Sucky isn't it.

Hopefully they stick with home treatment. If you're compliant, it's the least they could do.

Well, it stopped working. It is a big struggle to type this. All it does is for an hour or so after I take the tablet, I cannot properly physically manifest my internal energy resulting in frustrationangerpain and swirling it down dark from the walls so when it begins wearing off I can go in open air and run and RUn oitside where the volatility can gas off in a sublimation of the hard lump of soured energy and I am back to happy and it's all so great to dance - I rang HTT and am not allowed to increase dose or to stop taking it - I tried alcohol but it does nothing except clumfumbling me

I KNEW it wasn't bloody hypomania and the fact the treatment for hypomania has made me feel bad just bloody proves it. I'm channeling energy from something (some THING) and blockibgvthr route through can only cause a dangerous buildup.

Oh godding bollicks.

Who knew euphoria could be so unpleasant. I don't think my body is happy with thwhatat I need it to do and the limitations set by the diazepam and the expectations of others

Unlike euphorbia of course which is generally unpleasant

I'm sorry this is very boring for anyone not currently feeling the universe

Screw MH services. I don't known what I was thinking. They're the ones with the problem. If they can't see that I was bloody happy before they turned up persuading me to take these awful tablets then they're not ready to help me

Keema when you say it's crap when you're chipper do you mean the same thing about the blocking and about souring the good energy into bad, or something else?

EnpoTree it sounds like you've been having a ball. The down side is it can go horribly wrong, so be careful. Sorry to rain on your parade my lovely.

How does one extricate oneself from htt without taking drugs or going into hospital? I strongly feel this was a poor choice as I am not Ill and treating someone who is not Ill as though they were ill is a sure and certain path to catastrophic disaster

Ask them to list why they think you're unwell?

I know why they think it but it's not what they think.