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Original poster

Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

999 replies

EnpoTree · 25/10/2014 17:47

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

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Original poster
EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:01

I'm not sure he'll want to have my back; I've just spent ten minutes yelling at him for blowing his nose in the middle of my sentence Sad

Bugger

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:03

And THANKYOU for posting SmileThanks

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:04

Why was I so horrible to him? Yes it's incredibly fucking annoying but I shouldn't have got so irritated.

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:06

This woman stopped and made me stand by the side of the roundabout my shoulders while she told me about her manic episode and talked to my DP on the phone and her husband stood around watching for cars and trying to avoid people driving into their car with hazards on and giving directions to DP to where to find me Blush

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:10

But I feel so much better now. No contact from HTT today - with any luck they're not coming today and I don't have to tell them I didn't take the zopiclone I was supposed to take - it wasn't deliberate but I forgot about it and then it was 2am and too late to take sleeping tablets.

I can't wait to get off HTT because I want to book a compulsory basic training course at the local nike training centre as I've got my eye on a nice 125cc thing with blue fairings that someone local is selling and with any luck if I can get into biking I should be able to push through the anxiety that's stopped me driving for the past few years. But I can't do a CBT course until I get off HTT as it's an all day thing and I don't want them visiting me in public Grin

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:11

Bloody autocorrect. Bike not nike.

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:13

Except I know people will probably say I should wait a bit before I buy a bike. Also can't if I'm on benzos.

Oh fuck, I'm not going to get the DVLA called on me for this purported episode am I?

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:14

Can't ride on benzos I mean.

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:22

It's only a few years since I got off the last restricted licence Angry

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Itsfab · 28/10/2014 12:23

I can sympathise as I was on tablets that just dulled everything and I felt like I was living in a fog. I am off them now as I realised there are no tablets in the world that are going to fix what is wrong in my head.

Can you fake taking them? It was just my initial thought. In no way am I qualified to advise.

Original poster
EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:25

A few days ago a nurse asked me if I drive, and I said "I can, but I don't". Buggerbuggercollockybunt I should've said no - it's the truth, I don't drive. But this way she's going to inform the DVLA despite there being nothing fucking wrong with me that would affect my driving.

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:27

I could fake it - they seem to surreptitiously check the packets but no one actually watches me swallow them. But I'm very uncomfortable with lying. I don't know why but it's just not something I'm good at. I didn't learn to lie until I was about ten according to my parents, and I'm still shit at it Grin It just makes me very uncomfortable and I fear that I would get an "uncooperative" label.

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:36

I wonder if it is just possible to discharge oneself from HTT the way you would discharge from any other health service.

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 12:39

Blech, I'm going out for a walk. I can't stay in all day waitinf for a call that migt never come going slowly deranged with anxiety and energy I can't shift in a house with a man who appears to be TRYING to wind me up and another man removing the side of my house with a drill.

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Itsfab · 28/10/2014 13:31

When I wanted to come off the ADs as the side effects were bad - Doc said they weren't real Hmm - I told him I was absolutely fine and wanted to see how I got on.

Came off them. Side effects vanished Hmm and I am no worse off without the ADs.

You seem to have more involvement with HCP than I did so a more serious case. I don't want to advise you incorrectly, just remind you you are in charge of you and don't have to do everything you are told.

ScreamerMaanAndGoryOn · 28/10/2014 13:44

You can refuse to see them, but the mental health act is a bit of a bugger and your DH could request a MH assessment. Even if he wouldn't, they can do one anyway. You may as well comply and play the game.

FWIW you do sound unusually high, but I can sympathise with you not wanting to lose the high that you're on when you've been depressed for a long time as I feel exactly the same when in your shoes. However I've eventually would up in hospital due to the absolutely vile crash down that happens sooner or later when even more depressed than before.

Original poster
EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 14:59

I have nonfuckong idea where I have walked to and have just spoken to my on off fuckbuddy to ask her what vtje fuck she meant by a text shebsent to my DP and it turns out she's a misogynistic fucking sexist and DP should be in charge of me so my only friend now is this antiwoman woman and I have told MH they can discharge me so all this should be over soon.

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 15:10

He wouldn't do thavto me. He knows what mh services have done to me before and we are escape ng to Spain beforr me having to go into hospital again.

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 15:17

Apparently HTT just bloody turned up at my house and claimed I said I wanted them to which is bullshit. DP is conujg to collect me but I can't believe these people are being so unhelpfulvat the moment. I know they're doing their best with limited resources but I don't need them and they should leave me alone.

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ScreamerMaanAndGoryOn · 28/10/2014 15:22

I hope you can sort this out Epno.

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 28/10/2014 15:27

You aren't in a good place - this high might feel good to you, but from the outside it's clear it's not. You really do need to be taking your medication.

Original poster
EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 15:28

I don't think they understand that it feels coercive and actually causes the "presentation" they're talking about

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 15:29

It doesn't feel good now. I feel stressed and angry.

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Itsfab · 28/10/2014 15:31

Trust in yourself but be open to others opinions.

IME when I was bad I knew I was bad and when I felt high and good I knew I would crash again.

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EnpoTree · 28/10/2014 15:36

Okay.

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