Autumn days in the village with lots of support for all kinds of MH problems - depression, anxiety, OCD, psychosis etc

[fluffydressinggown]

Shiny new thread. xx

On my course it was approx. 1/3rd 18 year olds, 1/3rd 18-30 and 1/3rd 30+ yr old.

Keema I find the children the best bit, it's the adults I have difficulties with!

For a child who apparently has no remorse or empathy he cried for an hour and a half after his nap saying "sorry I'm bite" I'm really confused and scared that he's reacting to my illness, I've kept it away from him as much as I can but he has witnessed two or three panic attacks and during one of my first attacks he led me through a carpark to the car then sat quietly in the back while I freaked out in the front. I'm worried it's my fault and I've ruined him. He's usually so well behaved and caring at home, except with the cat.

I'm so scared that they'll chuck him out because I really need those three hours a day alone to focus my energy (and give myself salt poisoning)
Do you think the teachers are talking behind my back that I'm an unfit mother and my ds is a little shit? I bet they are I bet they hate him and me.
If he's not biting he's peeing himself.
I don't know how to fix this, or how to deal with it at all.

They don't see the loving clever caring little boy who brings you a teddy and blanket when you're poorly, cried off and on for two days about a little boy in an advert who had no food and drank water with poo in it. He can count to twelve, he can tell the time to hours and half pasts, he knows what each time means, 5:00 tea time, 6:30 daddy home 7:30 bedtime 12:00 school 3:00 school finished. He can read all his letters and numbers he knows all the trains in Thomas and can work a tablet and YouTube quicker than I can, even down to typing the beginning three letters of his favorite searches so they come up in the list and he can click them.
No one sees that beautiful clever three year old, I'm scared that all they see is "oh he's a biter"

I work for the council in housing benefit keema not exciting but pays ok.

Hi pare I am another ex-teacher here, you are doing well to stay in the profession.

Sorry you are struggling spidey

Another long night ahead for me

Nice to see the Village busy again, but now have to try to remember everyone's posts....I can only look at this page as if I click on previous I'll lose the post. Is there a way around this?

ByeByeB hello - I'm on Sertraline too 150mg and dare I say has made a big improvement in my fluctuations of depression. I've just changed this summer from imipramine. Am also on mirtazapine and put on 1.5/2 stone since starting it and am going to talk to my CPN about coming off it as I don't think it helped the depression very much anyway. The psych warned me when I agreed to try them that they caused weight gain but I was pretty desperate so tried them. I've tried Slimming World a few times (have lost on that before) but I'd just lose 2lbs and then put them back on etc. My GP confirmed recently that mirtazapine slow down metabolic rate. My diet is reasonably healthy, so hoping that I can come of mirtazapine.

Spidey that sounds horrendous - hope your tummy has settled now. Re your DS - I honestly don't think you should be thinking in terms of psychopathy with such a very young child. It does sound little your DS is maybe angry though, although lots of children bite at that age. People seem to react badly to this but it isn't really any different from pushing or hitting and they usually grow out of it. How is his behaviour at home?

Victrix and snowy very in awe of your expertise in maths. I have dyscalculia (no known cure!) honestly I really didn't know such a thing existed but an ed psych told me about it once when I was still working. I felt quite upset really because teachers at school used to think I was just being stupid as I didn't have trouble with other subjects. Still people laugh about it, in a way that they wouldn't if it was dyslexia. I can do arithmetic but numerical concepts just phase me - it's like a screen comes down and my brain shuts down!

Keema are you willing to tell us about your job - maybe would help us in making suggestions.

Fluffy hope you are feeling as calm as possible and managing to distract yourself on the ward.

Yesitisme do you want to give us a bit more detail. Are you a primary or sec school teacher. One of my sons and Dil are both primary school teachers. I had no idea how many hours they had to put in until they started teaching - I know they have long holidays but then they are working at least 2 evenings a week and don't get home till after 6.00 and sometimes work part of the weekend. They also go into school a couple of days in the half term breaks.

I've had a reasonably good day - got around to cleaning the house and iced my grand-daughter's birthday cake for Tuesday. Am waiting for the food to cook as am really hungry - oh nice to see you MP and glad you are recuperating. Don't mess with the meds again! Hi again Vicar and no Ed has not re-appeared on the thread.

MySpidey - lots of children to through a biting phase and no one will think less of you because of it. Wetting your pants is also normal 3yo behaviour. Please don't over think it. 3 year olds are so small and have so much time to learn things, don't take it to heart too much.

Just to clear up something you said earlier. My DS has HF autism and can keep eye contact and can show interest and kindness to us, but is absolutely useless when it comes to other people. If you really are worried about his progress, you can ask your GP for a referral to a paediatrician who can investigate further x

I'm a secondary teacher. Long hours but I don't sleep so plenty of time to do stuff. Teaching is the only thing I've ever been any good at, it's the only reason I have any point.

I just feel so abandoned. I seem to have drifted into a chronic depression and no-one seems to have any plans for how to treat me other than max dose of ADs.

I worked 15 years in specialised care homes for severely autistic adults, then in a school for autistic children. I've only ever really come across the really severe challenging side of autism so the idea scares me but I've had lots of training and can usually spot an "autie" (my clients used to prefer that term) a mile off. I have to admit I have looked at him a few times and seen niggly little things that I recognised.

I'm hoping he is totally neurotypical and is just struggling to settle in school, he has a new male teacher who started today so maybe a male influence in the class will help?

Ds was excited to start school and is excited to go, he wanted to practice his letters and do jigsaws (he does 45piece+ ones at home) but they only seem to play and read a story or look at letters the puzzles are all the cut out shape ones he did as a baby, he wants to write letters and numbers and do work I think he's a bit frustrated that they're not doing what he thought they would.
He practices his stuff at home.
Apart from the cat who is as bad as him (they wind each other up, ds pulls the cat and the cat launches himself at ds when ds isn't paying attention to him) he's lovely at home he behaved well, not many tantrums, tidies his toys up when he's finished, helps cook and will show you what you need from his recipe book. His favorite food is broccoli and he eats his veg first I has to bribe him to eat chips! He shares his toys and if he has sweets he will offer them round to everyone even if it means he gives most of them away.
He's gorgeous. He's the reason I'm living, I'd've gone a long time ago I it wasn't for him.
He's my pfb and the only baby I'll ever be able to carry.

Ah, so you've lots of experience then! DS is on the other end of the spectrum, so different challenges and different experience.

He sounds like a lovely little boy, Spidey.

yesitsme, depression is hard going. Are they not offering you any kind of talking therapies?

Nana my job involves paperwork, compliance, meetings! telling people what to do and crying into my coffee

I have PTSD and depression, I'm waiting for CBT for trauma but no-one seems interested. I had the crisis team for a while but as soon as I was discharged from them it's like I ceased to exist as someone to be helped. I feel ridiculously 'woe is me' but I honestly feel like if I mattered someone would care and help me instead of doping me up and hoping I'll go away.

Hi all. I used to post on the spring thread but felt bad I wasn't able to give much back (my feeling, I got great support ).
Managed to 'cope' for a few months with work and home while feeling just as bad inside but was basically just good at making it. Til huge crash a few weeks ago, now off work, barely functioning, dh off for a few weeks to look after me.
Feeling hopeless and helpless. Am eating and dh makes me wash and dress etc but nothing else.
So, just hanging out here with the lovely villagers. Been lurking anyway but hello, nice to be with you xxx

Hi Pare have you done any research into EMDR for your PTSD? I've seen some remarkable outcomes in some of my patients who had failed CBT. I don't know your personal circumstances but it may be worth looking in to.

How good is it to see the village so busy and settled now :)

Hi to all the new folk joined today!

Nethuns :) welcome back! I often posted wondering how you were? I am glad to see you back on the thread, but sorry you are not in a good place :(
I too have been slowly sinking again in the past fortnight. I feel on the edge now, anxious again and could fall either way now.
Am on reduced meds, but am going back to my GP on Wed as I am not coping. Too much going on left job, looking for new job, coming off fluoxetine, DS going back to uni.

Fluffy - how are you this evening?

((Hugs)) to all

Hi Mentalpsychiatrist, I've had EMDR but couldn't finish the full course as the flashbacks were happening in sessions and causing severe anxiety. I was too worked and couldn't bring myself to remember the actual event. I've also had CBT and that didn't work because I wasn't able to accept that my views of myself were distorted.

I feel so hopeless tonight, like there is no point even trying to get help or taking sertraline. I'm on 200mg and it isn't making any difference to me. I've basically stopped eating and I'm hoping to just fade away.

Oh Spidey your DS sounds very lovely - almost a model child. I really don't think you should worry about him at all. As I said lots of children of his age bite but for some reason people have a stronger reaction to it than they do to pushing, grabbing, hitting etc. Also throwing sand - well I'd be fairly certain that many 3 year olds would do that too - he sounds very bright for his age. Presumably you have spent a lot of time stimulating him at home.

Pare how on earth are you managing to teach when you are struggling so much - and you say you don't sleep - not at all or presumably very little? MP I was about to make the same suggestion to Pare- I too have heard such good things about it on these threads.

Hello Nethun I remember you well and wondered how you were - so sorry you are struggling so much just now. I assume you are on meds - are you getting any help from GP or CPN. I know only too well that feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness. I have had a bad year and at times have wondered why my DP was bothering to comfort me as I felt so worthless. I have picked up a fair bit these past few weeks with a change of meds. I have resisted change for a long time and it wasn't easy and took longer than I thought but it has I think/hope made a difference.

Stay in the village Nethun and we can support you through cyberspace.

Keema I'll look out for jobs that list "crying into coffee" as the main requisite. You make me smile - you are very droll!

Sorry I forgot to say hello Collardove but I have answered your PM.

And fluffy hope you get a peaceful night x

Hi Nana I don't know how I manage to teach. No-one seems to understand it either, but it is sort of like I watch myself do it. Teacher me isn't the real me, it's just a performance. She is the only thing that's worth anything. I think the fact that I refuse to be signed off is one of the reasons no-one helps me.

I don't really sleep, usually maybe a couple of hours between 2 and 4. I never sleep past 4am. My GP won't give me anything to help me sleep. It seems like if I was supposed to live the professionals would help me, but deep down I know I'm not worth helping.

When I got pregnant with ds I was working in special needs education (senior support worker, not clever enough to be a teacher) I transferred the skills I learnt from there into teaching ds, we did a lot of sensory games when he was little playing with coloured pasta etc I had no idea what he should be able to do at different ages so just kept going.
He surprises me everyday but people don't tend to see it as much because he also has delayed speech so they think he's not clever or is behind.
I don't think I ever stopped working, I just do it at home now and don't get paid lol

He's not a model child he's opinionated and stubborn and too independant for his own good. He thinks he's about 15 and will argue till he's blue in the face if he thinks you're wrong.

But he bites. He does bite at home sometimes too but no where near as bad or as often as at school.

I used to be on 150mg but cut down gradually to 50mg when pregnant.

Had to go back up at 18 months as morbid fear and intrusive thoughts came back and I was scared to be alone with DD.

Thanks for the warm welcomes . I might not be posting much as not up to it but will be catching up reading regularly.
Sorry for everyone who is struggling, it's crap.
I'll be changing meds soon, not looking forward to it!!
Night all, hope sleep is good xx

I used to be on 150mg Nana but cut down gradually to 50mg when pregnant.

Had to go back up at 8 months as morbid fear and intrusive thoughts came back and I was scared to be alone with DD.

Up to 100 not 150.

for those who have PTSD......please do look at REWIND therapy - its not the same as EDMR and you do not have to relive anything or speak of it in therapy.
it saved me. it can be done in one 20 min session.

linky for those who want to read more

i got mine through work - it erased the traumatic feelings associated with 8 years of abuse within 20 mins.
it works by taking the emotional response away from the memories but leaves the memories in tact.
its amazing.

To top off the amazingly shit day yesterday just after I got into bed I felt something buzzing inside my nighty, it turned out to be a wasp which stung me. I've never been stung but a wasp before and it was in my safe place Too so I freaked, I had a mild panic attack which I attributed to anaphylaxis and convinced myself I was dying, so obviously the more convinced I got the more it fed the panic. I did calm down eventually by googling anaphylaxis symptoms and seeing that they weren't the same.

It's unfair that a stingy insect could hide where I should feel safest and now I can't relax there. it's been a bad night.

I hope everyone else slept ok.