Autumn days in the village with lots of support for all kinds of MH problems - depression, anxiety, OCD, psychosis etc

[fluffydressinggown]

Shiny new thread. xx

That makes sense perfectly snowy thank you, I'm going to try that now. :)

Going to try going back to work tomorrow. Not entirely sure it's the right move physically but the problem with ME is that sometimes stopping altogether is actually harmful (depending on why the symptoms are worse in the first place). Plus my anxiety is pretty high at the thought of being off for a whole week, and then going in on Monday when I'm in all day for a training course rather than only a few hours. I get scared that people will think "oh she can manage that eh, she must be faking" etc.

I'm really gutted I'm unwell again - feels like all the work I've put in over the last year has been for nothing and I'm desperately trying to figure out where I've gone wrong. Maybe I got complacent.

Anyway DCs are upstairs as DH washes their hair so I'm going to try that square breathing. Maybe it'll help if I'm panicky at work!

You can do it, fuzzpig I guess you'll be pacing what you do out of work if you're going to be in a whole day? Good luck with it, try not to think what negatives you think others may think...

Sorry for being a drama queen before, was a bit upset. DH isn't visiting tonight and I find it hard.

I know the APs stop the messages, that is why I won't take them, God wants me to have these messages. I appreciate your POVs on it but I know that God has a history of asking people to do things they don't understand why. I am not poorly. Although I have been feeling a bit down and self harmy :(

It is VERY loud on the unit at the moment and my constant keeps talking and talking to me and I wish he would STFU!

Well done on your weight loss spidey I have lost 3 stone this year, it is a great feeling isn't it?

I am glad you don't have to have an assessment snowy :)

I hope you enjoy your concert MP

Sorry things are tough drws - I hope your CPN is useful tomorrow xx

Good luck fuzzpig

Oh dear fluffy (((( fluffy )))) It may get to a stage where you have to take them, whether you want them or not.

Hi everyone.

Positive for the day - I've had two free periods and got lots of planning done.

MP concert sounds fun.

Snowy that's great news. It's shocking how this government stigmatises and scapegoats people with disabilities.

Spidey well done. I once lost 5 stone but put a lot of it back on. I'm dropping weight rapidly at the moment as I'm only eating about 600 calories a day, but I keep getting told off by my GP.

Fluffy I hope you will feel able to take the meds soon. Did you think about talking to the hospital chaplain about the messages you are getting?

Fuzzpig I hope work goes okay for you. Be kind to yourself.

Dontrun do you feel you are rapidly cycling or having a mixed episode?

Love to everyone else too, hope you are having an okay day.

I feel like something is broken inside me. I'm just so tired and no-one seems to give a damn.

We give a damn pare xx

We give a damn pare however the rest of the world judges the village understands, never judges and is always open to listen to happy thoughts or sad thoughts.

Thank you.

I just feel abandoned by the professionals, as soon as I said I felt I wouldn't act on my suicide plans they stopped caring and they aren't interested in helping me.

I haven't slept for more than a couple of hours a night since June, I look grey and I can't concentrate.

Oh dear pare Could you ask your GP about something to help you sleep?

((((Pare)))) to echo the fellow villagers - WE give a damn!

Thanks everyone, feeling a bit panicky at the thought of it because I don't want to phone up sick again but I also don't want to go in and then have to be sent home again if I can't physically manage. It would be less complicated if it weren't for this training thing next week, I've been wanting to do it for a whole year and I know on some level they don't think I'm worthy of it (as a part timer for one thing... despite being on the same pay scale we really aren't viewed the same). Anyway I really don't want to miss it, I will be gutted, but I am also scared about going off sick again after because of how they'll view me if I make it in for training but not for work... IYSWIM.

Anyway off for a hot hopefully painkilling bath now, then more reading.

Thanks.

Snowy I asked last week but he said no because you become dependent on them to sleep. I just got the prescription for my ADs and he said don't come back for 2 months.

I'm sorry to hear that, pare Have you tried over the counter meds?

Yes I've tried over the counter sleeping aids, piriton and night nurse.

I've had an assessment for trauma-focused CBT and IAPT said they would send an appointment for a couple of weeks later. That was in August.

I don't know what to do anymore, no-one seems to want to help. My GP even said he can't do anything to help me and it's down to me if I get better or not.

Fluffy: don't you think that God has sent you all the relevant information by now and it is time to go back home?

thornbird the message is to kill myself

Been bad this evening, should tell staff but scared of consequences.

Hope you managed to talk to someone, Fluffy

Been a long day here. Night all x

oh fluffy im so sorry if you took my post to mean that i dont believe you .....i totally believe that you believe you are getting these messages....but i also believe that if you took the meds you would see a different point of view - i just want you to feel better is all. im sorry. i really dont want you to hurt yourself....i dont think any real God would either, but i do believe you are hearing and seeing messages...

ive just done something that might be a bit stupid.
ive messaged my mum again. ive said that the lack of response is very telling that her first message wasnt genuine - ive sent her a pic of us and said we are all well and that i wont bother her again, and i wont.
i dont want to.
i dont want contact tbh. she isnt stable and she isnt good for me. i like the idea of having a mum but truth is ive never had one and i just need to accept that.
ive wished her well and am withdrawing from any further contact. i felt all confused after the retreat....the buddhist thing is that even those who are cruel to us are actually showing us kindness by teaching us that our tolerance of them is the right way and that they simply have a deluded mind. that they see us wrongly. but that they are showing us a kindness in that. im struggling with that one a bit and also the whole buddhist idea of karma.....i asked why i had suffered as a child and got told i must have created bad karma in a past life....
not sure i buy that tbh but there you go.

anyway. im continuing to meditate daily which is lovely and has a good positive effect on my mental wellbeing.
ill stick to that i think rather than the whole buddism thing....

still cant kill anything though.....just in case!

fluffy - again - sorry. i dont want to make you feel bad. i just want you to feel well....and i dont think you can feel well if you are dead,or feeling that you should be dead for some reason....i hope you can see that i was coming from a good place and not disbelieving at all....just that i prefer to think that its not god - but your illness talking. im sorry if that offended you.

anyway. goodnight everyone.

Woken up with a huge feeling of dread today. Not to mention a whole lot of pain

Needless to say work didn't happen :( I got all scrubbed up last night, got dressed in smart clothes etc, but had to admit to myself this morning that it was a really bad idea. The problem with ME is that if you push yourself too early it can make you more ill and for longer. As you said Snowy I have to pace myself.

I'm gutted and now worried about the training. It will be discussion groups so not physically challenging (far far easier than a shift at work where I'm on my feet a lot, lifting stock etc) but still a whole day is no small thing for me.

I'm now in bed to do some reading with the electric blanket on!

The concert was fantastic and I only had one minor wobble in the tube station. Looks like I'm making progress.

Hmm hmm hmm used a ligature last night, still waiting to see the doctor, fingers and toes crossed that I do.

Oh dear fluffy (((( fluffy )))) You can't carry on like this, I hope you get a good support plan and the doctor comes today.

Well done mp Glad you enjoyed it!

Oh dear fuzzpig I hope Monday is better.

I hope everyone had a better night last night, family things sound hard, vicar

How's everyone doing today?

Oh dear fluffy I hope you're ok. Xx

I've given up trying to be positive. We were going to the travel agents tomorrow to pay the deposit for our dream fucking massively expensive holiday to t'egypt at a gorgeous resort in sharm el sheikh right on the Red Sea with snorkelling in the coral reef and a trip up the dunes on a camel to stargaze from a Bedouin tent.
Fucking Isis terrorists threatening to behead everyone and targeting sharm means now we can't go.
At least we hadn't paid the deposit yet so not lost out financially but still gutted.

Shitty caravan at Skeggy that slightly smelled of wee again then. im fucking pitiful, there's people really struggling and I'm crying about a holiday that we hadn't even booked yet

That's understandable, you were looking forward to it poor you, (((( spidey ))))

Aww spidey that's so disappointing, of course you're upset over a list opportunity :(

There must be somewhere between Egypt and Skegness though? Could you find a middle ground?