Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Baby 8 days ago, now can't stop crying

169 replies

MrsPixieMoo · 13/08/2014 20:12

I had a DD (my second child) by ELCS 8 days ago. Was a tough pregnancy during which I was on treatment for recurrent miscarriages. I had two miscarriages in six months last year and was quite low but my mood was good during the pregnancy. Since Saturday I can't stop crying. My DH says these are just baby blues, that I'm fine, that the world doesn't stop just because I feel like this, none of which has helped. I love my DD, am breastfeeding and awake a lot with her but I am scared of feeling so low. Just want to reach out and get some support tonight. My DH has gone to an important work thing. Nothing stops for his work and it was important he went but I would have loved a hug or some comforting words before he went. I hate feeling so needy. I can't walk far yet and need him to drive me to places. Today he was meant to drive me to the GP but he went out and forgot and told me off for not reminding him. I had been reminding him since Monday and twice today. He is tired too but I feel so alone and let down and scared of feeling so dark at what should be a very happy time.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPixieMoo · 18/08/2014 18:28

I've got a cleaner. She's good, coming again tomorrow.

It's the piles of magazines, newspapers, unopened post etc that he seems to build on every surface and I usually tidy on autopilot that get me down. And DD2 drags all her toys, paint etc out and if I'm not onto her, he doesn't notice and doesn't get her to put it away. Every room looks awful in minutes. I like clean surfaces and everything in it's place. Especially when I'm stressed.

Lists are non negotiable unfortunately. He used to ignore his XWs lists and I'm sure would be equally delinquent with me.

I think it's not on that he gets to nap and I don't but he claims it is because me feeding also keeps him up at night and he's older than me (by a whisker) so needs more rest. And all that walking he's doing must be tiring.

I feel so angry today.

OP posts:
ColdCottage · 18/08/2014 18:35

You are ok to be angry with him. He needs to be more understanding.

With regards to the mess I think you need to let go for a little while. Just aim to have one room tidy which you can escape to.

If lists don't work, how about a calendar with what is happening and what needs doing. Hopefully would achieve the same thing but not a list for him, more of a team action board, which he just needs to keep on top of more than you just at the moment due to new baby.

Perhaps get him to think up his own action plan he might be more proactive at doing it?

Buy yourself a treat, might help you to feel a bit better and less resentful.

marne2 · 18/08/2014 18:41

I was the same after having dd2, had a few days where I just cried all day, had to stop people from visiting because I was a mess, my blood pressure was very low which didn't help either Sad, it didn't last long! once I was feeling more human after having a lot of stitches and a infection I started to get out a bit and was able to drive ( dh watched the baby when I popped to the shops ). Hopefully you will be feeling better soon, be very gentle with yourself, giving birth is not easy and can really knock you as well as hormones doing crazy things.

Original poster
MrsPixieMoo · 18/08/2014 19:14

Thank you both. Am just so tired and it feels very hard.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 18/08/2014 19:27

Hang in there. If he's going for walks can't he take dd1 with him, and dd2 to be honest for 30/40 minutes. It's time he gave you a break and you deserve a nap too.

tobeabat · 18/08/2014 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ColdCottage · 18/08/2014 21:45

Can the welfare officer have another chat with DH?

Original poster
MrsPixieMoo · 19/08/2014 17:37

Possibly, but in the meantime, Ocado has made me GrinGrinGrin today.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 19/08/2014 18:09

Ocado are great. I'm glad they've made you smile.

DocDaneeka · 19/08/2014 18:23

Gosh your dh is being a twat.

Those first weeks are so damn tough. He is spectacularly unhelpful. In attitude and deed.

ColdCottage · 19/08/2014 18:51

?? glad that Ocado came through, love saving money!! Hope you ordered lots of treats for yourself!

ColdCottage · 19/08/2014 18:59

Oops I forgot the images don't work from my keyboard. They were SmileSmileSmile

Original poster
MrsPixieMoo · 20/08/2014 15:10

Possibly being an ungrateful bitch but am so irritated with my inlaws. We had to meet at a restaurant at a time they picked. DD1 came out of nursery so we were a bit late (15 mins) and had rung to say we'd be late.

They wouldn't let me breast feed at the table and I felt bullied into feeding in the loos.

Then we had to leave because my DH's aunt wanted to sit in our garden and drink tea. We are home. I'm in the bedroom finally feeding DD2 somewhere comfortable and really irritated they can't make their own tea and one for me instead of wanting to be waited on.

I've hinted several times that this is my only chance for a rest and MIL said I should feed the baby solids soon (she's 16 days old FFS) and that because I'm feeding on demand I've made a rod for my own back.

BiscuitBiscuitBiscuit For my useless MIL

Better for ranting.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPixieMoo · 20/08/2014 15:14

Angry They're now whinging that I haven't got artificial sweetner for tea. Where did these people come from?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPixieMoo · 20/08/2014 15:22

Had a big argument with DH this morning. He's complaining about all the things he can't do, even though he's out every day and to my eyes doing all he wants.

I have three nursing dresses and a cardigan that fit me at the moment. He has shrunk one nursing dress and the cardigan so I'm pretty pissed off. He told me it isn't his job to do laundry and that I am not showing my appreciation. He's doing - badly- things at home that I usually do despite having a fulltime job myself and after two weeks of it he expects some sort of medal. Why?

OP posts:
shushpenfold · 20/08/2014 15:24

Next time just lob out a boob and feed......your baby, your body and if they feel uncomfortable, they can go and sit in the loo!

My LO's (or not so little ones!) are now (just) 14, 11 and 9 but your posts reminded me so much of how I felt when they were little I wanted to just let you know that you're not alone, you will feel more like yourself again as time goes on but that there will be times and days when things are pretty crappy again. Try not to worry over them but focus on just getting through the next 5 mins, then 10, then 30 etc, etc. Lots of hugs coming your way xxx

tobeabat · 20/08/2014 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MrsPixieMoo · 20/08/2014 15:48

Thanks for hugs shush and for understanding. I miss being asked what I want / need though am enjoying snuggling my newborn. They do smell very lovely.

I've escaped the tea room again, am reminding myself that this is just one afternoon. DH's aunt irritates the pants off me at the best of times. Whenever he leaves the room she tells me it's my job as his wife to be supportive of him. I felt like pouring the whole tea pot over her head.

Back in my bedroom again. You're right about just feeding, I tried doing that but capitulated when the three of them were saying 'but we've told her where the invalid toilet is'. Blush

My DH said no she's not going anywhere but I was worried about a scene and capitulated. I won't do that again and can't believe I've let it happen.

They just seem such ignorant, small minded people. Their taxi comes in an hour, hooray.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPixieMoo · 20/08/2014 15:49

And yes I will suggest they sit in the loo next time. Am staying in the bedroom until they go.

OP posts:
middlings · 20/08/2014 16:18

They made you go and feed in the loo? F that.

When DD1 was about 9 weeks, I was over at MIL's and DBIL, his wife and DNephew (16) came round to meet DD1. While they were there, I needed to feed her so started, sitting on the sofa in the living room. Next thing I know, MIL (who, incidentally, breast fed all five of her children) started dancing from one foot to the other and asking me if I'd be more comfortable downstairs in her damp basement spare room with the lumpy bed. I said no, I was happy where I was! DNephew only then realised what I was at, he hadn't even noticed before, and fled! I don't think MIL has forgiven me yet for "making him uncomfortable." I didn't, she did!!! But then, her daughter fed Dniece in the loos at our wedding, despite the fact that there were a RANGE of alternatives, a number of which were private, that she could have used. It's been five years and I still think that was mad.

I wouldn't eat in a toilet, and I don't expect my children to either.

Also, every single blessed time someone comes round you don't want to see, retreat to the bedroom with your DD and don't come out until they're gone. I did that when some of my DH's family (who had arrived three hours late) seriously overstayed their welcome when DD1 was about 10 days old. DH came up and gave me a meaningful look at one point, telling me they were thinking about leaving. He didn't bother with that twice.

Glad your DH stood up for you this time. Oh and I remember thinking on Day 16 after DD1 was born, I haven't cried today! she was about 16 weeks before I managed three days without a blub :)

ColdCottage · 20/08/2014 18:36

Oh Pixie, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you earlier.

It's not fair that any of them treated you like that. Glad DH did stick up for you at the cafe though.

I'd just start getting a little blatant back.

Oh thank you for coming, so nice to have someone to make me a cuppa or help with the ironing!

bakingtins · 20/08/2014 19:56

Hi mrsP just checking you are doing ok from cold wet and stormy Holland! It sounds like you are doing a fabulous job despite lack of support and bizarre rellies. I think a Mumsnet phrase could be usefully employed next time anyone expects you not to breastfeed on your own sofa!

Original poster
MrsPixieMoo · 20/08/2014 20:36

Thank you all so much (waves across to Holland). I cried so much after they left, DH and I had a big chat about how rubbish it is that we are arguing. We've agreed to make a list at the weekend of what we both need and how to make that happen. I think if I write down that I need help to make sure I eat and sleep he will get it.

He listened, without telling me what I think / need/ ought to feel which was really good and agreed it had gone badly with his rellies. He also said he could see how difficult things are and that he is doing his best and isn't a natural domestic goddess.

He's offered to take me and DDs on a spa weekend as soon as I can swim again, which is fab.

It's you on here helping me know what I can expect, how to respond and what to ask for that's really helped me. I'm such a pleaser, this doesn't come easily so thank you to all who've encouraged me.

OP posts:
ColdCottage · 20/08/2014 21:18

I'm so pleased to hear that, sounds like you've turned a corner with DH. Grin

ColdCottage · 20/08/2014 21:28

Spa weekend sounds great. Depending on budget take a look at chewton glen, Lucknam park and Pennyhill park, quite expensive but amazing, nice just to look at them anyway.

Think a silver lining might be you are more assertive in other areas if it is something you normally struggle with. I know it's been crap but it always helps me to find some small positive from anything rubbish.

If you can perhaps find 5 minutes for a cuddle with DH and remains about how you fell in love and came to be with two beautiful DCs Smile

I hope you have a good night x