Baby 8 days ago, now can't stop crying

[MrsPixieMoo]

I had a DD (my second child) by ELCS 8 days ago. Was a tough pregnancy during which I was on treatment for recurrent miscarriages. I had two miscarriages in six months last year and was quite low but my mood was good during the pregnancy. Since Saturday I can't stop crying. My DH says these are just baby blues, that I'm fine, that the world doesn't stop just because I feel like this, none of which has helped. I love my DD, am breastfeeding and awake a lot with her but I am scared of feeling so low. Just want to reach out and get some support tonight. My DH has gone to an important work thing. Nothing stops for his work and it was important he went but I would have loved a hug or some comforting words before he went. I hate feeling so needy. I can't walk far yet and need him to drive me to places. Today he was meant to drive me to the GP but he went out and forgot and told me off for not reminding him. I had been reminding him since Monday and twice today. He is tired too but I feel so alone and let down and scared of feeling so dark at what should be a very happy time.

Thank you. Am still feeding. Feel better for not being alone. Thank you

Call the surgery and explain, you can have the doctor come to you.
I had the mw see me up to 14 days and DS is now 3 months and HV is still visiting me at home which really helps.

Don't beat yourself up, you are doing a great job. Remember how hard it was with your first LO and now you have two plus cs to deal with. You are doing a great job

Sweetheart, you need to tell someone how you are feeling. You need support and looking after. Try to eat as you need calories post birth especially if you are feeding dd. get a can to the surgery if Dh is unhelpful. Hope you got some sleep. Thinking of you.

Thank you for being there. Fed a lot through the night but also slept a few hours.

DD2 getting dressed in my room while I feed her sister. Am tearful again.

Spoke to DH. Told him I feel unsupported. He told me he's doing well at supporting me, that he's here,makes sure I have enough to drink and that some men ignore women and new babies so I'm lucky. What an odd thing to say. Where has my lovely DH gone?

My DH does a lot like bringing me tea and cooking but I don't feel as if he listens. When I cry he just walks away and says the world won't stop for me and that I'm not that unhappy. I'm more unhappy than I've ever felt.

Good morning my lovely. I hope you can get to see someone who can help today. Do you think this is a reaction to the MC, you've been so focused on getting through each day of the pregnancy you are unprepared mentally for the sheer hard graft of having a baby at the end of it and just expecting life to be rosy ever after? Or that having your LO brings it home what you've lost? It sounds like your DH is being spectacularly unsupportive, especially as you sound isolated apart from him. Tell him it needs to be a priority today to register with the GP so you have an HV keeping an eye on you. Then get DH to take DD out for one of his famous 3 hour wanders and get some sleep.

Your husband sounds like he's not sure how to support you- some men have a wobble themselves when their partners seem to be upset and feeling like they can't cope. I felt v v v similar to you now when I had my ds-and never sought help. It was the worst thing I could have done as suffered in silence. I even felt the same about my DH- and wrote him a letter (which I thankfully never gave to him)- saying I was leaving. Things all round did get better, but I really should have sought help about what I thought were just 'baby blues'.

Xposted. I'm sorry he's being an arse. I expect a big hug from him and feeling supported would make a huge difference.

Thanks Baking. I think it's a reaction to a lot of losses. I seem to have everything now and I feel reminded of everything I've lost. It's also a really uncertain time. We don't know where we will be living in 10 weeks time and that really unsettles me. Craving some stability.

Thanks to all who have posted and said they've felt the same. It feels less isolating.

Am glad it's the morning and that midwife is coming today.

Winter I feel like leaving too but I don't know where I would go.

Tell the MW exactly how you feel, don't try to put a brave face on it. Make sure your DH is going to entertain DD so you can be honest with MW.
I know I've been so focused on getting past the mcs that I hadn't considered life with the new baby being anything other than perfect, whereas of course it's v demanding.

DD will be at nursery when MW comes. DH has doctors appt, oh the irony!

You're right, I kept thinking I just had to get the baby through the pregnancy alive and then everything would be ok. I'm just so shattered and feel very lonely.

Please tell the MW exactly how you feel. You will get through this but it's awful at the moment for you. Keep talking here.

Pixie - you really must tell your midwife how you are feeling. Please try to get a GP appointment too. Ring them and explain the situation - that you have a newborn and are feeling very low- am sure they will be happy to register you immediately and give you an emergency appointment.

Your post brings back painful memories of after DD1. Can remember sitting there in tears on the day DP went back to work. I was started on antidepressants and things gradually improved. I also contacted a post natal doula who came for two mornings a week- found this really helpful.

Finally please do keep talking here. There are lots of lovely mumsnetters around - many of whom have experienced similar.

Just checking on you MrsPixie :)
You've had good advice here, please look after yourself.

Morning MrsPixie. Just checking in to say hello. I'm glad you were able to get some sleep. I hope your midwife appointment is helpful for you.

As your DH is going to the doctors surgery can he pick up/fill in any necessary forms to register you.

I'm sure a GP would see you anyway but this would be one less thing to think about.

Your lovely DH hasn't gone. I think he's probably scared because he doesn't understand. But it will all get better.

Big hugs and wishing you a better day.

Thanks Little my DH sees the military doctor at his work. I think that's why he doesn't understand what I needed. His health care is just provided with same day appts wherever work takes him. They don't see families or I'd go over there myself.

DD1 has gone to nursery. I'm really glad as she has good friends there. Next week she will be at home with the baby and me so I have to be better by then.

I'm feeding DD2 and can't remember feeding so continuously with DD1 but am up and dressed and waiting for the MW. I feel less lonely for all the lovely MNetters who posted overnight and this morning. I was having suicidal thoughts yesterday evening. Thanks for being there.

Once you have spoken to the mw has her to hold the baby and write a letter to your DH. I find people take things in better when they read them.

Explain how you are feeling and how you would like him to support you. He can also refer back to this in the future.

Good luck and congratulations. You are doing so well

These early stages of constant feeding are physically and emotionally draining. And you have the stress of the move, an older child to look after, and an unsupportive partner. How you feel is totally understandable

Can you switch into good enough mode? you don't have to be perfect, just good enough. Everyone fed, noone dead. DD1 is clean, fed and delivered to nursery. DD2 is definitely fed . And you, are you? forget your DH he's an arse

Just checking in in you. Yes to what pp have advised re talking to midwife. I like the good enough idea
Make sure you eat enough too.

And well done for being able to function enough for the morning routine. You can do it, and we will be here along with your rl support

Thanks ladies, you're keeping my pecker up. I've eaten, just feel so low. DD2 is having a little snooze. No MW yet.

Can you snooze too? You need to keep your energy up for all the feeding lo is doing!

Yes, snooze! a delicious catnap.

I can't sleep. I just watch her breathe and worry that I'm not a good mum. No MW yet. I'm worried she won't come today. Hate feeling so full of silly worries. Not like me at all.

The constant feeding is completely normal, I think it's one of the things that you forget as time passes. Do you have any family that can come and support you next week? My DH was only able to take a week this time as he's not been in his current job long enough to qualify for pat leave, and I was in hospital for most of that. Having my Mum around the following week was a godsend. You will still be the one doing the feeds, but someone can entertain DD1 and make sure you are fed , and just not being alone in the house makes a difference.

Nothing to add, MrsPixieMoo, but am waiting for the midwife with you.