Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Baby 8 days ago, now can't stop crying

169 replies

MrsPixieMoo · 13/08/2014 20:12

I had a DD (my second child) by ELCS 8 days ago. Was a tough pregnancy during which I was on treatment for recurrent miscarriages. I had two miscarriages in six months last year and was quite low but my mood was good during the pregnancy. Since Saturday I can't stop crying. My DH says these are just baby blues, that I'm fine, that the world doesn't stop just because I feel like this, none of which has helped. I love my DD, am breastfeeding and awake a lot with her but I am scared of feeling so low. Just want to reach out and get some support tonight. My DH has gone to an important work thing. Nothing stops for his work and it was important he went but I would have loved a hug or some comforting words before he went. I hate feeling so needy. I can't walk far yet and need him to drive me to places. Today he was meant to drive me to the GP but he went out and forgot and told me off for not reminding him. I had been reminding him since Monday and twice today. He is tired too but I feel so alone and let down and scared of feeling so dark at what should be a very happy time.

OP posts:
MrsPixieMoo · 14/08/2014 15:03

MW called. She is busy today and asked if I could go to a postnatal walk in centre on Saturday morning. I said no, that it would be impossible to get there and that I want a visit today. She is going to see another lady and then come to me. This was an hour ago. So I'm waiting.

DH has gone to register the birth. DD is asleep. She's slept a lot today. Oh typed too soon. She's crying.

OP posts:
MrsPixieMoo · 14/08/2014 15:08

I can't get an urgent appt with my own GP practice as it is a 2-3hr drive away and I wouldn't get there in time. This happened to me once when I had a miscarriage. I called and was bleeding. The GP offered to scan me, he's a star, I got caught in traffic and was so late the surgery had closed.

The temporary GP locally has given me forms.

I've called the helpline several times while DD has been sleeping. I keep hearing a recorded message that says they are busy.

Am feeling really drained this afternoon. Hoping MW comes today.

OP posts:
MrsPixieMoo · 14/08/2014 15:32

Still no midwife but called the local health visitor, explained I have no local GP and am worried. HV is coming out on Monday. So progress.

OP posts:
Marcipex · 14/08/2014 15:44

Hang in there MrsPixie

rootypig · 14/08/2014 15:47

Oh MrsP you are doing so well to make all these calls but I fear Monday is a long way away, especially when you're on your own with two small children, including a tiny baby.

I know this has been asked and sorry if I missed your response - is there anyone who can come this weekend? Your DH is not able to support you for whatever reason - that makes me really angry on your behalf - but putting that aside, I think you do need some support from somewhere

PoppadomPreach · 14/08/2014 16:10

well done for persisting but others are saying, Monday is a long way away. Keep trying to get seen sooner - it's the MW/HV's job to ensure that new mums are getting the support they need.

and remember, ignore your DH unless he actually begins to realise that you need his proper support. you are right, he is wrong.

LittleBearPad · 14/08/2014 16:31

Well done for getting in contact with so many people and for telling the MW she had to come to you. You're being very brave.

Hang in there lovely.

Xx

ColdCottage · 14/08/2014 16:42

You shouldn't have to wait until Monday. Doctors are set up to take visitors to the area in emergencies, especially babies and new mums so they should see you. Don't take no for an answer. Ask for local HV centre linked to surgery. They will be able to offer support over the phone now and should be able to see you tomorrow once you explain.

MrsPixieMoo · 14/08/2014 17:43

MW came. It was a strange experience. I opened the door and she told me I look really well. I don't. My eyes are swollen from crying.

She weighed my baby who has regained her birth weight and put on 200g above her birth weight. As soon as I heard that I felt proud.

I was drinking a cup of tea when the MW came. She told me off and said I should be drinking milk or milkshakes or I will keep the baby up at night. I said I felt low and she said I should have a snack after each feed, then a rest and that I'd eaten too many citrus fruits, onions and spicy food which has upset the baby. My baby doesn't seem upset to me. I have no idea how MW can tell if I've eaten onions by looking at me. She then told me to take multivitamins as I'm 'tired'. Had to explain the GP thing again for the sixth time today.

She looked at my CS incision, prodded me and said she was discharging me. I told her I've been crying and she gave me a list of baby clinics, asked me if I like liver and steak and told me to eat more red meat and take vitamin D supplements.

Then she reeled off a list of contraceptive options, quite at random, including two I know aren't suitable for me and none my preferred option. Not that sex is at the forefront of my mind today. She was ticking things on a list as she spoke and barely looked at me. I think she is really overworked.

I tried a third time to say I haven't felt well but she said I was doing brilliantly, put her sandals on and drove off. It was quite a whirlwind appointment and after waiting all day, I felt a bit WTF?

Two good things came of it. I'm really pleased DD is putting weight on. It makes all the feeding worth it.

It also made me laugh at the strangeness of it all. And if I can laugh, I must be a long way from how I felt earlier.

It's DH's birthday tomorrow. I'm trying to bake a cake and wondering why I do so much. I am also realising through this thread that my irritation with him may be entirely normal given his words yesterday.

I've told him he needs to help and also told him how. I will talk to him again once DD1 is in bed. He called his DM to see if she can help me next week. She is coming, but only for the day with DFIL and DGreatAuntIL who is quite bossy. They've suggested taking us out for lunch. I was thinking more of laundry and some practical help but that's not happening.

So I've called a cleaning agency who are going to send someone twice a week and also found an ironing service. If I know practical things are sorted I should be able to rest.

As I'm typing this I've heard I have got a family welfare officer from the military coming this evening. Someone suggested that I might access some support from the military upthread and they have been very responsive.

So despite the crap HV (that was crap, wasn't it?) I do feel I'm moving in the right direction.

Thanks for being there today.

OP posts:
Marcipex · 14/08/2014 18:07

The midwife was crap, yes. I guess she is overworked, but she should have listened to you.

You are doing brilliantly.

WanderingTrolley1 · 14/08/2014 18:28

Good idea getting cleaner in. It'll take a load off.

ColdCottage · 14/08/2014 18:35

I am so so pleased to read your thread. You sound so much more positive and focused Smile

Yes your mw sounds useless as just checking off a list. Mine wasn't that great either, my HV is lovely though. She has seen me every 4-6 weeks or more if needed since week 2 and come to me at home as I can't drive due to a bad back.

Hopefully once you get through to your GP and get your local HV number I am sure they will be a great help. As for the advice the MW gave regarding onions etc just ignore her. You know your baby is healthy, and have the experience from your first baby to base that on. All babies react differently. Plus that is such a silly thing to say, babies will be fine if it is your usual diet, think of people who live in counties which have a spicy diet everyday.

I think you have done all the right things in sorting out a cleaner and ironing person. If you can take that pressure off then do it. Are you on the base? If so can you put a notice out to see if anyone would like to take washing in for some extra cash?

You said your hubby is cooking, but perhaps get a few simple items in the freezer for when he is back at work. Perhaps you could call your MIL and compliment her cooking by saying as her food is so nice perhaps she can bring a few meals to put in the freezer.

Also arrange for a few friends to come and give you some company. Mention how husbands family are coming but no one will offer to clean or help around the house and isn't that what people did when visiting new mums - hopefully they will take the hint.

Well done to getting so much done and turning a corner - you sound so much more positive.

Well done on babies weigh gain, you should be proud. GrinGrinGrin

Keep positive and come back here if you need a moan, support or just a chat. You help us too, it's nice to have someone else to talk to when home with a baby Smile

MrsPixieMoo · 14/08/2014 18:45

Thank you Cottage. I feel a lot better this afternoon. Your suggestions are good. I'm going to take them all up.

OP posts:
ColdCottage · 14/08/2014 19:01

Happy to help.

I have also found online shopping helpful and am using each shops introductory deals to save money.

Only down side is when doing it on the computer it takes me a day it two to complete Hmm. So have downloaded Ocado app and I can add when feeding etc.

Good offer at the moment. Spend £100 or more and get £25 off. Also get free delivery.

The £25 off code lasts until June 2015.

Packs of ice creams are 2 for £3 (might have ordered some mini milks!)

Code: VOU4419747

www.ocado.com/webshop/getStaticContent.do?siteId=38798

Or £20 off and free delivery code
VOU5756423 min £80 spend.

rootypig · 14/08/2014 19:30

What a brilliant update, even if the MW was an idiot. I won't derail your thread with a rant about post natal care but by god it's crap.

Well done for porking DD up Grin
And for booking someone to do the cleaning and the ironing. As much as I wish your my DH would wake up and take responsibility, at this point you have to make things as easy for yourself as you can. Ocado is fab, do that, and put loads of treats in the basket for you.

PoppadomPreach · 14/08/2014 20:51

Fabulous update, Pixie - so many positive steps in spite of useless MW!

I hope things continue to look up, but be honest with yourself about how you are feeling and keep reaching out if/when you feel like you need more help.

bakingtins · 14/08/2014 22:44

You sound much more like yourself mrsp well done for fab weight gain for DD ( all your own work [ grin] ) and getting some support in place. Will check on you tomorrow. Hope you have a decent night.

MrsPixieMoo · 15/08/2014 08:12

Thanks ladies. Had two rounds of sleep last night. Feel better and am going to rest this morning until the cleaner comes.

OP posts:
bakingtins · 15/08/2014 08:16

morning mrsp glad you got some sleep. Try to have a nap sometime today as well. hope you can continue with the positive thinking and action - you did fab yesterday despite the people who ought yo be supporting you being crap.

Annietheacrobat · 15/08/2014 08:28

Morning Mrs pixie glad you are feeling better this morning and managed to get some sleep. Try to take one day at a time - don't even think about tomorrow or next week.
Hope your house will soon be sparkling!

Marcipex · 15/08/2014 08:29

Very glad you're feeling better. Delegating the housework will also help Smile
Well done you.

tobeabat · 15/08/2014 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPixieMoo · 15/08/2014 10:22

Thank you all so much. I've been sleeping all morning next to the baby in her basket.

DH and cleaner are getting on with things. He was a bit Shock that I hadn't managed a birthday card, let alone a present but think he's realised that I physically can't get anywhere and am exhausted.

I baked a cake last night which I really enjoyed. Haven't baked since I was pregnant with DD, even DD1's birthday cake was one I had made earlier and put in the freezer so it felt good to be able to do that.

The welfare officer was lovely. She asked me what I needed from DH, then say down with him and gave him a bollocking few suggestions.
Also found out what is going on here on the base so going to go to a children's group with my DDs next week.

Thanks for the Ocado advice and vouchers too. I'm going to do that too.

OP posts:
MrsPixieMoo · 15/08/2014 10:24

Forgot the most important update. I've stopped crying.

OP posts:
Pinotgrigioplease · 15/08/2014 10:37

MrsP I'm so glad things are looking up for you.

Your last post sounds so positive it just made me smile.

Hope you have a good day with your daughters today.