summer heat - in the village we'll meet....oh, those summer nights! support for MH issues, depression, anxiety, what ever the issue come visit the village [titled edited by MNHQ]

[SomethingVicardThisWayComes]

well a well a well a oh tell me more tell me more.....

new thread guys....feels funny doing the threads again! but nice....

so. for any newbies....the purpose of the "village" threads is to support anyone with MH issues....depression, anxiety, anything at all, for what ever reason.

there is an open door policy in the village! so pull up a pew and get stuck in....

This is a bit like how I felt before my acute episode last time. I saw some spiders (not real) yesterday, thought it was triggered by visiting the same place as I was when unwell,but I'm going to give my cpn a ring first thing on Monday.

How are you feeling today, Katkins?

In a mad burst of energy prompted by a legit charity bag dropping through the letterbox, I have bagged up 7 binbags of old clothes and shoes to get shot of. Have finally admitted to myself that heels are in the past due to wonky leg, feels therapeutic to get rid.

Hi all. I was in a lot of paints night, started to get a pain in my tummy on the right in one area just above my hips that moved to the right. Had it on and off today,but managed to get a bit of housework done and cut the grass. Overwhelmed by how much needs doing.

I had some psychotic things, saw a dancing pixie of all things, and heard voices and laughing, then a shape in my cushion turned into an eye. I was talking about it to a friend just beforehand, and I've not had much since, but I'm going to treat it as a warning sign and report it to a cpn asap. Also got in touch with an understanding friend and told her what's going on. She's got room for dd if needs be, and happy to have her if anything happens.

Katkins sorry you are experiencing psychotic symptoms again. Hopefully your CPN will be able to help you with getting them to stop.

Victrix good on you, I need to throw some stuff out. I have clothes hanging on the outsides of the wardrobe because there is no room for them inside. I always have a big clear out if I watch one of those hoarder programmes as it makes me think I'm fairly close to becoming one!

Katkins that doesn't sound nice at all. Hope your CPN helps.

Natasha most of it was piled in the spare bedroom just waiting for a bag from a charity I'd actually heard of to come through the door. Bagged up all the pre sorted stuff then tried on everything in my wardrobe and bagged anything that didn't fit right or look right! I've definitely got hoarding tendencies, I kept finding actual rubbish in cupboards etc

Hopefully my CpN will visit, rather than send me to the duty nurse. I am feeling a bit spaced out, but am hoping it's a bad day and temporary set back, rather than something full blown or that will turn into a huge problem. I think it's probbably lack of sleep, depression and caring responibilities. I'm finding it quite hard being a single Mum, no family support worker and the rest of it, because everything falls to me. DD has only been back 2 weeks so far, so I don't want to jeporadise that, but I also don't want to panic over nothing. It could have been that talking about the details bought it back. Full time caring responibilities and recovering from a psychotic episode whilst also experiencing the physicial symptoms of depression are quite a difficult thing to deal with, though.

I feel really very, very low. The best way to describe it is like I did when I was a child- I was abused and neglected, and felt 'empty' or hollow and quite lost, dissacoiated and detached. When I get full blown psychosis, I get manic and if anything, I'm really listless and lifeless and numb, so I think what I'm getting is part of the depression. I was convinced the dancing pixie was stillin the bedroom earlier when I was outside though (!). That's a warning sign that I need to discuss it asap. The stomach pain is still there- a stabbing pain in the right that seems to 'migrate' to the left, and it's on/off throughout the day. I'm not entirely convinced it's the depression doing that.

Some of this is lack of sleep, as I had to stop taking my zoplicone because I couldn't wake up for dd, so I might try getting more sleep tonight and seeing if I feel any better after that.

:( i don't feel as though I can cope with this anymore. DD is up every five minutes moaning about something, I've not got her uniform because Tesco messed up the order and now I've had to speak with them (my Dad bought it) I can't afford her school shoes or PE pumps- the last two things she needs and my washing machine has decided to pack up. It might be under garuntee, but that's another huge bill I can't afford if not. I need to buy my graduation tickets soon, and I don't think I can afford those or the gown hire, never mind facing the whole day.I'm fat, ugly and everywhere I look there is mess to tidy up, things to do and I just don't know how much longer I can cope with all of this. It's so wearing and there's no one here to help me. I'm exhausted trying to just keep going.

I'm sorry Katkins. I don't know what to suggest. Could you ask your friend for some help with DD or practical things? Or ask the SW if there is some help available?

You aren't fat and ugly, you are struggling with a horrible illness and the side effects of both that and the meds.

Sorry I'm not that helpful.

I'm scared if I ask for more help then dd will go into care. She's only been back 2 weeks, and its not fair on her to keep moving from place to place. They might say the caring responsibility is too much for me, and I'll never see her again.

I can understand why you are scared, but I don't think they'd move straight to putting her in care. Asking for help and showing an awareness will probably make it less likely that SS would consider that necessary.

But if I tell them I've been having psychotic symptoms and feeling like this? I've been fantasizing and even dreaming about death since I was psychotic now, I just can't cope with it all anymore. I'm worn out trying to keep it together.

Sorry, I had laptop issues and my fingers are too fat to type more than a text message on my phone!

I think you just have to be honest and ask for what you need. Otherwise you might deteriorate further and that could lead to the outcome you don't want. I know it is easier said than done, and I should follow my own advice, but I think it is better to admit you are struggling now than to get more ill and have little choice.

((((Katkins))))

I've just phoned the clinic, in lots of pain was having panic attacks last night..said it's not enough for emergency, but can some one give me a call please? They said yes, that's OK. I did it for dd more than anything, because I'm her sole carer and she needs me to be fairly well to do that.

Well done. I'm here if you need to talk.

Thankyou. The duty nurse phoned, they are going to get me to see a Doctor this week- I explained everything honestly and they obviously aren't worried about immediate risk, but think I need a review.

That sounds good. Well done for doing something really scary. (I don't mean that to sound patronising!).

I've sunk right under :( just dropped DD to nursery & now all I wanna do is run off somewhere.

((((Pulledapart)))) sorry you feel so bad. Can you do something nice for yourself instead of running off?

Thanks natasha. I'm Still here just walked around for ages, smoked loads of fags, picked up DD from nursery & now in bed with loads of chocolate :( just can't think straight anymore.

Is there anything in particular causing you to feel like this, Pulledapart? Chocolate sounds good.

(pulled). Don't blame you for going to bed, I have felt like that all day today. Has something happened?

Natasha, the clinic didn't phone back yet. I'm fed up of all of this now, seeing my friends taking their dds out to the beach and everything when I can barely move and am struggling for the money just to buy a tub of butter or essential thing :( I am so so fed up of seeing everyone else looking glam, and all dressed up and going on holiday and everything...and me,just sitting here, struggling to get out of bed every day...not even able to cope with going to the High Street anymore. I'm draining the NHS of rescources that could be used for an actually ill person, and that's probbably why they are happy to not phone me back- they just want to leave me here to rot.

I'm on my own all day, day in, day out with DD. I am trying so so hard and absolutely nothing is going right. Everyone is fed up of me whining, in real-life, facebook, everything, probbably even on here. I just get 'keep positive' and pretty soon I will have absolutely no friends left because I just can't get out, the pain is really horrendous at times. Sorry for going on, you all probbably don't want to hear it. Have your own things going on.

Katkins I'm listening. I know a little bit how you feel.

The clinic may have not got in contact with the doctor, or someone may be off today. They will probably ring tomorrow and if not you could try ringing them again?

Lots of people don't understand that if you could 'keep positive' you wouldn't be ill. Can you invite a friend round to the house if you don't feel well enough to go out?

Thanks, Natasha. Every time I ring them, they contact the social worker though, and she'll probbably appear unannounced sometime, I'm sure.

I honestly feel as though 'why bother?'. I'm so low and my ex is taking me to court to access for dd in September, I've no idea how to apply for the next bit of my benefits...I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do about everything. My throat feels all constricted and sore, like I can't speak. I was nominated for the '3 positives' thing on facebook and I can't even find those.

I have been out to the park with DD today, was meant to see a friend but cancelled because of ringing the clinic and so on. Then I've other things in the week- CAB and stuff- and I can't walk far (don't have the bus fares). Just feel as though I'm falling deeper and deeper into something that I can never get out of. Sorry, I feel so guilty for talking so much.