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Original poster

summer heat - in the village we'll meet....oh, those summer nights! support for MH issues, depression, anxiety, what ever the issue come visit the village [titled edited by MNHQ]

917 replies

SomethingVicardThisWayComes · 27/07/2014 18:09

well a well a well a oh tell me more tell me more.....Smile

new thread guys....feels funny doing the threads again! but nice....

so. for any newbies....the purpose of the "village" threads is to support anyone with MH issues....depression, anxiety, anything at all, for what ever reason.

there is an open door policy in the village! so pull up a pew and get stuck in....

OP posts:
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5
Katkins1 · 13/08/2014 00:06

Natasha, that's OK. I think I will call my cpn, yes. Please keep posting, no one minds and we'd rather know you are OK and support you. I used to self harm in my teens, and when dd was born, and at university since Novber, but in secret. You can talk to me. Something, I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, can you take some time off sick?

Choco, I've been feeling that all day, too. I attempted suicide in the past, a few times, and in recent psychotic episode I walked out in front of a car. I feel guilty too, as dd was away from me for 8 weeks, so if I could afford stuff like that then I'd probably do it. It was triggering for me, too. Am guilty, and I'm in masses of debt from when I was very unwell, I'd really like to take dd out for a day or something, but I can't as I'm hugely overdrawn and just getting into more and more debt.

chocogirl77 · 13/08/2014 00:46

Katkins, getting yourself into enormous debt and then not having the strength to pick up a phone to sort it all out felt awful for me, I wouldn't claim any benefits as the thought of dealing with the forms sent my anxiety sky high, is there a support worker somewhere ( a couple of friends used mind with good results) that can help you sort through anything you find too hard right now?

When I was a day patient, one of the nurses suggested that the aching could be due to the adrenalin constantly pumping through your system, your muscles get tired from being constantly on alert, so are painful. Apologies to anyone who knows what I'm on about and I've got it wrong.

Thanks for replying.

LEMmingaround · 13/08/2014 11:52

Something. I am so sorry to read your post. Did you start another thread about it?

NatashaRostova · 13/08/2014 15:27

Thanks for being so nice.

Something I'm sorry things at work are so terrible. Would you be able to get transferred if you can't get another job? Can you take some time off sick to figure out your next move? I also work with people who don't hesitate to show their dislike of me, it is really draining going into that situation day after day.

I know what you mean about feeling strange when you see suicide in the news. A woman drowned herself in the reservoir where I was planning to drown myself and I felt like it was some sort of sign.

I rang the crisis team but no-one was available to talk, which again feels like a sign.

Katkins, pulledapart, chocogirl, LEM how are you doing today? Hope people who haven't posted for a while are doing okay.

Katkins1 · 13/08/2014 17:48

It's not a sign NatAsha, just co incidences. Can you call the crisis team again?

I'm really really struggling today, didn't have much sleep and there's so much triggering stuff in the news. I think I said all of the wrong things to the social worker today, so scared she is going to take dd away because I'm a worthless mother. I'm trying so so hard, but I'm fed up now. I can't stand that I had to have pyschosis on top of everything else, it wasn't supposed to happen like this.

NatashaRostova · 13/08/2014 20:14

Your social worker will want to support you, not take your DD away.

Crisis team were supposed to get my key worker to ring me but she hasn't and she'll have gone off shift now. I feel like it is all telling me to just stop fighting.

Katkins1 · 13/08/2014 20:24

Do you have home treatment or anything like that, natasha? Have they given you a number to call out of hours? It's not time to stop fighting, is there anyone in rl you can call?

NatashaRostova · 13/08/2014 20:29

Crisis team are the home treatment team, they are 24 hours. My crisis plan is to ring them or see my doctor. I've done both this week and no-one seems interested.

Victrix · 13/08/2014 21:13

Something, that sounds awful Sad I hope you've managed to have as nice a day today as possible.

Natasha I'm so sorry you aren't getting the support you need in real life. I know what it's like to feel like you are banging your head off a brick wall and getting nowhere, and it's horrible to need to keep pushing when you feel least able to so I hope you get support soon. We are here if you need us Smile

Katkins1 · 13/08/2014 21:55

When I rang crisis, they told me to take my meds! Have you got anything like diapazem?

NatashaRostova · 13/08/2014 22:01

When I was first referred to them they told me to flush all my meds down the toilet so I wouldn't take an overdose. They were stumped when I asked how I was supposed to take my meds if I'd flushed them down the loo.

No diazepam any more, I was only allowed it for 2 weeks.

My doctor asked if I had any thoughts of harming myself and I told him that I thought about it all the time and that it was getting to the point where I didn't know how to stop myself doing it. Then he said he'd see me in 4 weeks. I got 4 minutes in the consulting room.

Katkins1 · 13/08/2014 22:21

How long have you been seeing them? They gave me meds to last a few days at first. Can you call them again, tell them what you have said here and how you are feeling?

NatashaRostova · 13/08/2014 22:29

I was seeing them daily for a month about 2 months ago, then I was discharged with a crisis plan that said to call them or see my doctor if I felt I was slipping.

I'm not sure I can keep trying to get help. Why do they make it so hard when we are just not in a position to push for ourselves?

Katkins1 · 13/08/2014 23:19

They do make it hard. Do you want to talk a bit? I'm on here for a little bit if you do.

Victrix · 14/08/2014 10:23

How are you today, Natasha?

Hope everyone else is doing OK, I'm very sore again Sad

Katkins1 · 14/08/2014 14:28

Did you manage to talk to some one, Natasha? I hope that you did.

Victrix,that sounds horrible. Hope you feel better soon.

I'm having a really awful couple of days, really tired, no motivation or energy to go anywhere and see any one, Fed up of aching all of the time and pain, and bloody guilt over dd. I just don't want to speak to anyone, and just want to go back to bed. Cpn meant to come at 2 but not here yet, I can't be bothered to talk to her eithier. Actually falling asleep as I'm typing.

Feel as though I'm fighting a loosing battle.

NatashaRostova · 14/08/2014 16:08

Sorry I missed your kind offer last night, Katkins, I went out for a walk and didn't come back online when I came home. You sound down. Maybe you could ask about increasing your sertraline?

Victrix sorry the pain is back, are you on some decent painkillers?

No-one has been in contact from crisis and I can't summon up the courage to phone again, I'm a bit of a coward. I might try tomorrow if I still feel this low.

Flowers for everyone who is suffering.

Katkins1 · 14/08/2014 19:37

Good that you went for a walk :) Did it help?

I've been in agony today...when I saw the CpN, she said it's psychosomatic pain and that I need to give the anti depressants time to work. It's really, really horrible- the physcial pain bit.

Just been a day of trying to get through, though the social worker hasn't got any concerns at the moment (that I know of). I've pretty much stopped talking to anyone, or doing anything.

SnowyMouse · 14/08/2014 20:22

How is everyone? So many people are missing Sad Thinking of you all.

LEMmingaround · 14/08/2014 20:30

Just checking in - been busy, but very anxious. Hope everyone is doing ok x

How are you snowy?

SnowyMouse · 14/08/2014 20:46

Hi LEM Good to hear from you, glad you're busy, but hope the anxiety isn't too crippling, it's awful.

I'm okish, last day at the day hospital tomorrow (which I'm ok with). My CPN is going to help me get to my blood test next week, which is kind of her. Still struggling with mood, voices are better than they were though.

NatashaRostova · 14/08/2014 22:18

Do you think the day hospital has helped, Snowy?

I try to distract myself and do things but my head is constantly asking me why would I want to keep living when there is nothing to look forward to? It never goes away. I feel chronically suicidal. Nothing seems to alleviate the need to die.

Katkins1 · 14/08/2014 23:30

Ah that's good about the voices, snowy. Natasha have you spoken to anyone yet? If you'd like to add me on Facebook or Skype, pm me and I can talk with you. Hang in there with the meds, they take time.

I'm really really struggling myself today, in so much pain, though we managed to get out and go yo the park for a bit to see the signets, and a walk around the lake. I could cry, but I don't have the energy.

Pulledapart · 15/08/2014 11:26

Just a quick check in.

Managed to get some sleep last night finally so have woken up pretty groggy. Still very exhausted and mood is all over the place but diazepam is keeping it at bay. Headache still there also. I feel as if all I'm doing at the moment is moaning (sorry everyone).

Snowy, lem, katkins, victrix, something, Natasha, chocogirl - how are you all?

Sending warm hugs to anyone who needs it today ((( *hugs )))

LEMmingaround · 15/08/2014 11:29

Really struggling. Feel like I have control over my life. No interest in anything just want to go to bed but can't