Hello Pare I have just read your whole thread.
I think you sound incredibly articulate about how you feel.
I was particulalry annoyed with them MHT referring to you being able to do your job - this is called being functional with an illness. and being bloody resilient. I think this shows how strong you are.
You have a very demanding job and homelike, looking after your mum - it must be very difficult to find time for yourself.
Re your PTSD, it is clear from yoour posts how scared you are and I get a sense of it suffocating you to the point you dont know what is you and 'that' anymore. On top of this you have the unwelcome visitors of depression and anxiety. These are not who you are I think you have shoed a lot of self care by going to GP and MHT. I noted how you go out for walks, care for other and your cats when you are poorly.
I would be inclind to consider going private as someone up thread said, take a lot of time to shop around for a therapist that specialises in PTSD - but one which relates to you area too.
I also felt the use of an analogy may help, I suggest one below but you may come up with your own a better one:
Lets say you have five boxes inside your brain. That one box is full of dirty stinking rotton rubbish. This box wont stay shut and spills its contents. This makes the other boxes smelly and you are constantly tidying up after this box. The box sits there all the time - making more mess. You are so tired of tidying up this boxes mess. It's spoiling the others.
I thought pare as you find it so painful and are scared to talk that using such an analogy when you speak to a professional may help you to find words.
Opening that box - that box should never have been put there, it is not your fault but that box needs to be opened. The box has lots of small and big items in it. Some more or less painful maybe - you can sort you your box.
I sincerely hope this helps. I hope you are still taking steps for self care.