If you're going through hell, keep going

[Pare]

Hi, thought I might try another thread as I've missed having somewhere to offload. Thanks for all the support on the other one, I have saved it and removed certain posts so that I can look at it when I need something to focus on.

I went to the meeting with the manager of the Crisis Team tonight and it was really difficult even though he accepted that they had got things wrong. He said I have to keep attending or they will have me assessed under the Mental Health Act. I don't really trust them though and it is going to be really hard. He suggested meeting with the nurse who I saw on Monday, and with him, to try and talk it through and come to an understanding. I don't know if that will be too much.

Me too pare hope you're ok

Wondering how you are, hope you are ok.

how is your mum and how are you doing pare?

Hope you're ok, pare.

I hope you're ok Pare. I have followed both your threads and have been checking daily to see how you're doing.

Hope you can feel you can come here and post again pare. If you're struggling, remember that this too shall pass. Please just try to get through it an hour, an afternoon/night/morning at a time. Please accept help for your PTSD and support while you get the treatment. Keep going, pare!

Hope you can feel you can come here and post again pare. If you're struggling, remember that this too shall pass. Please just try to get through it an hour, an afternoon/night/morning at a time. Please accept help for your PTSD and support while you get the treatment. Keep going, pare!

how you doing Pare?
sertraline can cause suicidal thoughts, I hope it doesn't affect you like that.

Hi, sorry I've been unwell and unable to post.

I've been discharged today and have to wait for a telephone assessment for counselling on 26 August. So that's it really.

Glad to see you back Pare. Sorry to hear you've been unwell. That seems ages to wait but hopefully it will be well worth it when you get there.

So glad you have posted, Pare. Have been thinking about you lots. How is your mother?

She had her colonoscopy yesterday, just waiting for biopsy results in the next 3 weeks.

An anxious time of waiting no doubt.

They don't seem to think it is cancer.

I hope your days away were nice,Dutchoma.

I can't look at the screen for too long as my eyes go blurry, I'm still not fully recovered. I'll look back in an hour or so.

I had a wonderful time. Come back whenever you are able to and share whatever you want...or not as the case may be.

There isn't really anything to share. I saw the crisis team last Wednesday when I had the tremor in my left arm and the doctor there said it would settle. Then it spread through my left side and my sight went blurry in my left eye. GP sent me to A & E and I had a scan but they couldn't see anything obviously wrong. I haven't been able to do much or look at screens. Thanks for all of the kind thoughts.

I have been discharged by the crisis team today and told to self-refer for a short course of psychological therapy. The assessment isn't until 26 August, then I'll go on a waiting list for 6 sessions. No-one believes that I'm ill. I either need to pull myself together or I die.

Are you still on medication? Have you seen your gp again? He seemed to be the only one you had some support from. 'Pulling yourself together' is easier said than done.

I'm still on 150mg sertraline. I see my GP in 3 weeks.

Yes, I'm not going to be able to pull myself together so death it is. I feel happy with that decision.

Hi pare.

Have you ever phoned the Samaritans when you feel really desperate? Just thinking it's another outlet to talk.

I wish you wouldn't say that. You have much to give and much to do. What on earth would happen to your mother if you were dead? Or your poorly diabetic cat?
A little while ago you said to the poster that posted under a nickname something like 'strugglinginside' that you cared whether she lived or died. Well, I care about you. I wish you got better help, I wish I could help you more and I'm still hoping that eventually the medication will give you some relief, so that you can lead a contented life.

Hi Pare. Sorry you have been physically ill, I hope that you recover from that. Encouraging hospital did not find anything but not helpful of still have an issue. Is it worth going to an optician so they can check your eyes?

Hope you can get your referral sorted as they suggested. It can be tough when discharged from home treatment/crisis teams. I may have said before that they do not treat patients or focus on recovery - that is not their role. Their main role is risk assessment, managing hospital beds and working with people in the short term, usually for only a few weeks. It does not mean cannot be seen by then again but they do not do on going care, instead they treat each referral as a separate incident and often different staff are involved on purpose. We have a great health system in that it is free and anyone can refer selves for talking treatment for whatever concern they have. Hopefully of you tell them you were under HTT you will have a shorter wait than others. ( I am waiting for a referral for something and am frustrated with a 17 week wait when in pain but thankful rules mean max wait is 18 weeks now.). Is seeking private talking treatment something you would consider ( a route I went as I used to work full time and there was a 9m wait for counselling that meant missing half a day from work so I found someone who could see me after work and as I was paying for it that gave me a focus).

You are ill Pare, that is why crisis/HTT team saw you for as long as they see anyone and why they told you to book appointment for psychological therapy. There is no longer term treatment therapy wise in much of NHS ( as so many people wanting it perhaps and a lack of staff and funding). I had 6 sessions similar to what you mention and cos I knew it was very limited I went into it really focused which helped. Yes of course I wanted more but I waited 10 months for my 6 sessions - sadly waiting in NHS is normal so the fact you have an assessment in 4 weeks or so is encouraging you will not wait too long.

You are ill. You have had crisis intervention. After several weeks crisis will either section people, put people into hospital or discharge for care in the community - that does not mean you are not ill. It is just you are ill and not getting 24/7 access to care. If you feel you need it all you have to do is contact 111 or present to A&E and ask of a mental health assessment. They will listen.

Can't you see your gp sooner Pare? 3 weeks is a long time to wait. Please don't think that is you're only option. Please wait for your counselling and see if that helps. You don't seem to have much support in RL but please carry on talking to all of us. I have only just posted recently but followed your threads closely and was worried when you disappeared

I know the Crisis team are just there for a crisis but they said earlier that I'd be referred to the CMHT, but that hasn't happened, just a form and a phone number to self-refer. I've had counselling like this before so I know it won't work. The Crisis team psychologist said I needed ongoing trauma therapy but the IAPT don't provide that, so I'm not sure what it is going to do.

GP doesn't want to see me again until my prescription is due. My symptoms have been put down to increasing the sertraline dose and have mostly settled now, just the blurry eye every so often.

It's all okay, I actually feel at peace now the decision has been taken out of my hands.

Your gp can refer to the CMHT Pare. So why not ask for that. You will then be assessed by the CMHT - some use part of their team to do assessments. However, not everyone under a CMHT gets psychologists, usually much care is done by the care co ordinator. But the team can refer you for longer term talking treatment, it just is not automatic or immediate.

But the gp is the gateway to referral. Gp can not refer people whilst under crisis team but they can when they nit under them.

As I said, it's okay. I'm quite content that I'm going to be free soon. It's the best thing, I'm not worthy of any help.

Thanks for all of your kind thoughts, but I think I'm done.