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Original poster

If you're going through hell, keep going

460 replies

Pare · 16/07/2014 19:14

Hi, thought I might try another thread as I've missed having somewhere to offload. Thanks for all the support on the other one, I have saved it and removed certain posts so that I can look at it when I need something to focus on.

I went to the meeting with the manager of the Crisis Team tonight and it was really difficult even though he accepted that they had got things wrong. He said I have to keep attending or they will have me assessed under the Mental Health Act. I don't really trust them though and it is going to be really hard. He suggested meeting with the nurse who I saw on Monday, and with him, to try and talk it through and come to an understanding. I don't know if that will be too much.

OP posts:
alittlebitmeh · 09/09/2014 20:58

Don't be sorry Pare. We are on the board because we have all suffered with similar issues in some way and have all needed or continue to need support. You might like to know that you helped me the other day. I was having a bad day and I thought of your thread title and I did indeed keep going. I am here to hold your hand if it helps in any small way.

YesitismePare · 09/09/2014 22:22

It's a Winston Churchill quote. He was no stranger to the Black Dog.

I am just so rubbish and tired and people on here are too kind to me. I need some sleep but I don't get any and I feel like I'm running on empty.

Dutchoma · 09/09/2014 22:32

All you ever asked for was a little kindness. It's not much to ask for and it is gladly given. Hope you sleep tonight.

temporaryusername · 09/09/2014 22:38

It is a great quote, I never knew it was Churchill.

Hope you get a better sleep and we all must keep going Smile.

YesitismePare · 09/09/2014 22:54

Thanks. I haven't slept for a few nights and I can't really think straight.

YesitismePare · 10/09/2014 18:25

I've come down with a sore throat and a fever, so I think that might be why I've been having such pains in my head.

alittlebitmeh · 10/09/2014 18:50

That's what happens when you mix with germy kids Wink I hope you feel better soon and really hope you get some much needed sleep Thanks

YesitismePare · 10/09/2014 19:15

Thanks. I've just finished 3 full six period days and I finally get a non-contact period tomorrow.

Just no sign of sleep despite feeling exhausted.

Dutchoma · 10/09/2014 20:09

At least there is a bit of a reason why you are feeling so bad. I hope it soon goes and you can get a bit of rest, even if you don't sleep. Does have Radio 4 on in the background (I think in the night it is the world service) help at all? I find it helps more than music, but it has to be very quiet.

alittlebitmeh · 10/09/2014 21:47

LBC works for me Smile

YesitismePare · 10/09/2014 22:22

I can't stand any noise, I can't even have the radio on when I'm driving anymore. I used to be an avid Radio 4 listener.

Dutchoma · 10/09/2014 22:51

You've suffered so much loss, it's no wonder that you have almost lost yourself. Is there anything at all any of us could do to help? PM if you'd rather.

YesitismePare · 10/09/2014 22:56

I'm okay, I'm existing. I don't live, I exist. I'm just so tired and fed up that I try to seek help but nothing works. I'm numb now. The pain in my throat is strangely comforting because at least I'm feeling something.

Dutchoma · 10/09/2014 23:09

Yes, I can understand that. I still hope that the pain will get less.

Dutchoma · 10/09/2014 23:21

Going to bed now and will be away from Friday for a few days. Can still read, but not post much as I'm not so good on the phone.

YesitismePare · 14/09/2014 17:45

Feeling sick about work tomorrow. I should be planning the Year 10 Controlled Assessment lessons for everyone and I can't concentrate.

I'm seeing my GP tomorrow night and I'm frightened. I'll get told off for losing weight.

temporaryusername · 14/09/2014 18:54

Good luck with your GP tomorrow. I think you said before that he is quite supportive, and he wants to help you, he wouldn't want to scare you. I wonder if he could give you any recommendations for another private therapist to try, he may not be familiar with local private ones but it might be worth asking.

YesitismePare · 14/09/2014 19:01

He was supportive before but he was really annoyed with me last time I went because I had lost so much weight in hospital. I've lost more now.

temporaryusername · 14/09/2014 20:13

I'm sure he was just worried to see you'd lost weight as he wants the best for you. I know it is hard, but try to remember that even if that issue comes up, he is just wanting to help and you can still trust him with other things.

YesitismePare · 14/09/2014 21:14

I think everyone is just annoyed that I'm not better. I just want it all to stop. I'm so annoyed with myself that I even failed at dying. I think I might just starve myself to death instead.

temporaryusername · 14/09/2014 22:35

I sometimes feel people get frustrated with me for not overcoming my Mh issues better, but with you (and me really), I am sure they're not annoyed, they just want the best for you but understand that recovery takes time. I understand you want the pain of the PTSD to stop. Perhaps part of you knows that with the right help, which I really hope you will get at some point, you might be able to work through some of that. It can stop that way, and you still be alive. Even though it is bad waiting for the help and looking for the right help, staying alive gives you a chance. It may not feel like it, but that chance is there and life could be much better in the future -yes, I can hear you saying it couldn't, but it could.

bluebell345 · 15/09/2014 08:47

you are such a good support temporaryusername.

bluebell345 · 15/09/2014 08:48

and yes Pare, If you're going through hell, keep going.

YesitismePare · 15/09/2014 18:43

Thanks temporaryusername and bluebell345.

I've seen my GP this evening. He was nice enough but he was annoyed at the weight loss. He says he can't help me anymore, I just have to wait for the CBT. He won't give me anything to help my sleep and just gave me a repeat prescription for my sertraline. He doesn't want to see me for 2 months.

temporaryusername · 15/09/2014 18:52

I would try again with some therapy to bridge the waiting time for CBT a bit. Although he said 2 months for follow up, remember you can go any time you like, to him or to another GP. The follow up just means come then if you don't go in the meantime.